Bedbugs and Ballyhoo in Every day scata

Echo and the Bunnymen

6:15 am

Fell into a coma last night before my head hit the pillow. I was just exhausted. I can deal with the pain (most of the time) but the extreme fatigue? I just can’t fight it. And it’s very annoying. There is never a reason to feel like that. Yeah, I’ve been working a lot, yeah, I was (or maybe still am? too early to tell) having that mixed episode where I was feeling so angry, but honestly no reason for that level of exhaustion.

The fatigue seems to be happening more often, and there is just nothing I can do about it. Doesn’t matter how much sleep I get, how well I eat, how much water I drink. Damn doctors think that all of that, and exercise will help. lol exercise. I don’t even have enough energy to sit upright in my chair and they suggest exercise. Pffft.

I really wanted to do a vlog about it yesterday, to talk about it, how it affects me etc. I kept putting the webcam on, staring at the start button, then closing it back down. I didn’t even have the energy to do that.

But, I was lucky that the fatigue didn’t hit really hard until I got home. Working with it is just… I cannot even begin to describe it. Like, try staying up for 4-5 days. No naps, no breaks. Then try to work a very physical job. Even that description isn’t very fitting.

I had to work at the B&B that I want to buy yesterday. The last time I went there they had one of those giant flashing signs saying that the road was going to be closed as of May 29th. Me being me had no clue what back road to take to get there, so Pam was nice enough to meet me at the Alpenhorn and go with me to show me the way.

While we were there, she helped me change all the bed linens :) That was a HUGE help. Making beds is just a pain in the ass.

The sucky thing is, the place doesn’t have a washer and dryer. I have to lug the linens to the “sheltered workshop”. The workshops are places where folks with different types of disabilities can work a good job, with understanding bosses. It wouldn’t be so bad if I actually had to go in that direction, but I don’t. lol I act like it’s a thousand miles away when it’s just on the other side of town. I’ve never been there. I think they also sell second hand clothes. Hmm. Maybe I’ll stop at the bank before going there in case I see something I like lol

Ok, more coffee is needed.

I’ll be back. Maybe.

1:58 pm

I should never say “I can deal with the pain” I jinx myself every time. I’ve been near tears because the stupid ass shoulder/shoulder blade pain. The pain in that area is causing the rest of my body to scream, because fibro is like that.

So I sent a message to my useless PCP to see if she has anything available next Monday. It’s the only time I have in my schedule to see her. I have 2-3 clients every day this week. Not that she’ll do anything about it, but I’m paying her, so I’ll go see her. ::sigh::

I also called the chiro in town to check prices of acupuncture. I know when I was doing it way back, the consult was expensive but the tx was only 40 bucks. I’m sure it’s gone up since in.

I am willing to try anything and everything. If neither doctor can help me? Well, that scares me. It scares me because I honestly don’t know how much I can take. I’m a really good actor. No one but Pam sees me in pain. Yeah, you guys know about it, a few fb friends know. But as much as I need help and lifting up, I don’t ask for either one.

I really want to take a nap, but I can’t. If I lay down now, I’ll sleep until tomorrow morning. Feh.

::sigh:: I’m going to get more coffee.

See ya.