"ABOUT (AVOIDING) SADNESS" in "WRITER@WORK: Stories From A Lone, Urban Girl"

Last weekend, which was on Saturday afternoon, I attended a book club gathering. We were discussing out favourite fiction books, when one of my friends – a young journalist – said this, in relation to the book he was holding:

“This book teaches us to embrace and experience sadness as it is. Society tends to have such an impossible expectation that we should always be happy. That’s not human.”

His words still ring true. All the way home after that, I couldn’t help but wondering:

How many of us have been told to be happy, when we’re actually not? How often does that happen? Most importantly, how does that make us feel?

I believe my friend isn’t the only one, but probably one of the very few who is not ashamed to be open about it. I’ve noticed how society seems to demand that we should be happy more often than sad. The idea of grief is unpleasant and scary. Many prefer sweeping it under the rug. Then they (pretend) they simply move on. Just like that.

I’m not saying that being happy is not a good thing. If you really are, then that’s not a problem at all.

If you only pretend to be, that’s another story. Do that all the time and you might go crazy.
Denying one’s sadness is denying them being human. This also doesn’t mean that you have to always share the whole world of your plight. There’s this thing called ‘moderation’, just like when it comes to happiness. Still, it is also a tricky word.

You can’t avoid how you really feel, no matter how hard you try. Happy, sad, or else, you shouldn’t. You may fool many others, but you can’t fool yourself and those who know you well (and care about you too).

Avoiding sadness like plague is unhealthy. Dismissing the grief of others, no matter how small and insignificant to you, also only shows something about you:

You’re arrogant. You’re also insecure, so you make sure that you bring others down to make yourself feel more powerful and important. Nice going, if that’s what you’re really after.

That’s okay, though. Just be ready, when people start leaving you behind. Don’t blame them when they stop sharing stories with you. Remembering how often you’ve called them ‘weakling, cry-babies’ while laughing at their tears is more than enough to shut them up. They’d rather not risk it.

If you laugh at their vulnerability, then you don’t deserve to know them that much. It doesn’t matter that you say you only mean well and want them to be strong. Sometimes they don’t need more challenges from you; they’ve already got enough from the world. They need your support, so your excuses won’t work.

Admitting you’re sad is also a form of strength and courage. Not many are like that, since the society is not always full of kind and understanding people.

You can accept that you’re sad about anything. It’s okay. It’s not fair if the world expects you to remain quiet, to be strong all the time. It’s not right. That doesn’t mean you’re always playing the victim, no matter what those jerks out there say. (In fact, what if you really are a victim?) You’re just being human. You’re not some freaking robot(s) some sci-fi authors might have written about.

Still, you can’t stay in the same spot too long. You’ve got to start somewhere.

So, what’s your next move?

R.