Notes & Catch Up in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

SOooooooooooooo… I’m crazy behind on Note Responses and Bookmarks. Just throwing that out because I am going to make a genuine concentrated effort to play some catch up. I’ll try to be good and not note on things too old… but if especially with Note Responses… you may read a Note Reply and think, “Damn, boy… that is outdated shit.” That may very well be the case.

The last two nights my sleep schedule has been fucked to hell. Wednesday Night I was able to pull one solid hour, wake up, pull another one… and that was it. So Thursday Daytime… I was trying to stay awake so as not to reinforce my sleep schedule fuckery and that was a giant fail. I fell asleep for three hours during the day. Honestly? NOT that bad. That is still five hours total for that 24 hour segment. Except… apparently it was that bad. Last night I got approximately zero hours of sleep. So that sucks. I’m going to do my damnedest today to make sure I don’t take a nap. AND I’m going to try to get more sun exposure and drink more water. Whatever it takes to get back on a human sleeping pattern.

Last night before my initial attempts at going to bed? I got an e-mail from former Chinese Boss. More loop hole, tricky dick, zhàpiàn bullshit to keep from paying me my bonus check. So… at the beginning of the month, former Chinese Boss asked me to look through the paperwork she e-mailed me and mark which hours were Appointed and which were Private. I did so and sent it back. Last night’s e-mail she thanked me for returning the information to her so promptly. Now she would like me to go through the paperwork to tell her which cases I’m being billed at $30 per hour and which cases I’m being billed at $100 per hour. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! The contract that you and your husband wrote up for me to sign said that distinction is entirely and 100% dependent on whether the case is APPOINTED or PRIVATE. In other words… I shouldn’t have to go back over the paperwork… you should simply note which cases are appointed versus private (which I already reviewed and sent back) and PAY ME ACCORDINGLY. Bun tyen-shung duh ee-dway-ro. I suppose I shouldn’t exactly be surprised. There were many excellent reasons to leave that firm, after all.

Interesting update on Gothic Dream Girl. This morning, around 3 or 4 am my time, I received a message from her Facebook Account. An individual claiming to be her friend acting with Raven’s permission was reaching out to Raven’s friends to let them know “Raven’s doing a lot better and will probably be released soon.” I sent a heartfelt, if generic, Thoughts and Prayers comment back. But… in many ways… this is an interesting example of how my own background, experience, and occupation make communication unique. “will probably be released” means many different things to me. Obviously, my first thought is that this is a Hospital situation. Perhaps an illness, perhaps an injury.... but hospital in nature. My second thought is that this is a jail situation. As “released” is a different word than “discharged.” Typically, someone is discharged from the hospital and released from incarceration. Of course, there is always the third choice that involves both. Mental Health Observation or Institution. “Doing a lot better” and “released soon” normally make me consider “institution” but then… I once dated a girl that was committed on a few occasions… and in my life in Tiny Town, I was responsible for getting people committed. Then again… not many people spend as much time analyzing and breaking down word choice the way I do. So… for now… I’m believing that Raven has been in the hospital for a while. Maybe she didn’t Ghost Me… maybe she did. But genuinely… if she’s in a situation where she needs to get better? Than yeah… my concern and thoughts go out to her. Because I’m that kind of guy (whether I want to be or not). If I know you, unless you’ve really hurt me bad, I’m going to be in your corner for times where you need strength. Which is exactly the kind of character flaw that has brought me to where I am in life.

SPEAKING of character flaws… my therapist, who often does not wish to “analyse” or “label” or “shrink,” said something that was a bit profound recently. We were discussing how I’ve almost completely stopped listening to my gut and try to use my intellect for everything, even trying to logic away emotions and emotional issues. We discussed this and she suggested that, what she was hearing, was that I tend to think that I can handle whatever stress or challenges arise because I’m smart enough or clever enough or resourceful enough… and I make the intellectual argument that I can handle anything but in all of that never once do I give a moment’s thought to what that means emotionally or spiritually or physically or anything else. In other words, I’m so busy convincing myself that I am smart enough or clever enough that I don’t take the proper time to consider the physical and mental ramifications. That makes a LOT of sense to me. It also explains why I find myself in situations that can be so draining, taxing, and toxic. Because I’m a helper, a fixer, someone that wants to make things better… so I see the situations other people can’t deal with and think, “I’m smart enough to do this!” without asking “Is this good for me emotionally? Is this good for me spiritually? Is this good for me physically?”

As I am simply rambling at this point: I have officially 100%’ed Skyrim. Got everything finished, became leader of every guild, killed every type of Dragon… everything. Completing that game took about a full year. So, for my next digital adventure, I wanted to try something new and a little less involved. I had requested and received my first Japanese Visual Novel PS4 over Christmas, so I figured I’d give it a try. The VN is called “Root Letter” and focuses on trying to locate a pen pal. The visual novel has five different endings depending on player choice and play. First ending I got was “Crossed Lovers” meaning it was the best ending of the first play through… but you never do find your pen pal. Second ending I got was “Alien Conspiracy.” Third was “Princess of Himegamori Forest.” Second was “Cursed Letter.” And finally at last, I got the “Married Happy Ending.” As this was a PS4 game, there were also Trophies and hidden/secret missions and all that good stuff. It only took me 3 days to get 100% on it. Enjoying the new “story focused” game concept and the “not everything is about killing an enemy” video game mode… I figured it would be a good time to finish “Life is Strange.” I had first downloaded the game when it was Free on the Playstation Market and had played through Chapter 1 of 5 already. It is similar in some respects to Donnie Darko with a dash of Butterfly Effect thrown in. In other words… time travel. Time Travel is my thing. The way I’ve been playing that game, I honestly figure I’ll have it 100% by the end of the day. Honestly. After that… I think I’ll hit “Psycho Pass: Mandatory Happiness.” It is another one that I grabbed from Playstation Market when it was free. I haven’t seen the Psycho Pass anime yet but I know its premise and find it interesting. I tried to get a little taste of what the game would be and.... it looks to be a Visual Novel but… with considerably less “interactivity” than Root Letter. However… as a visual novel… I hope/expect that it will take me less than a week to totally conquer it.

As for my day today? Not much planned honestly. I need to take out the trash, take out the recycling, undo the Dishwasher, refill the dishwasher, and hit the grocery store quickly. I also want to do Prosebox stuff and some video game stuff and some self-care stuff. But the biggest thing is going to be trying not to fall asleep. I have to retrain this damned body that night time is sleep time! Then when Wife returns from work she made a request. When she returns, I am to turn off all electronic devices (especially the television) and take her phone away from her. She has asked this to make sure she “can get some things done” this afternoon. I’m a bit torn on it, to be honest. (1) She is recognizing that the TV and her Phone control her life and that she has ZERO will power. This is good. If she recognizes the areas that suck all of her time so completely, maybe she can learn to be better about it. (2) She is admitting that she has no inner strength of any kind and no ability to look after herself. This is bad. If she continues to rely on me as Parent and Caregiver that is going to kill this relationship and cripple her ability to become a functioning adult.

So..... that’s my entry for these wee hours. As I finished an entry today before 7 a.m… it is very likely I may write another today. lol.