Thoughts a' Drifting (December 1, 2012) in Old OD Entries

So I wasn't planning on writing about this but it seems important enough to want to share with myself if I ever decide to read these entries in the future.

Today I was talking to my best friend about what we would do together once Christmas break came along. It was actually a great conversation it got rid of some of my stress because we talked about all the things we used to do together, the fun we used to have.

After the conversation was over thoughts started to flood my mind. . .

I started to think about my friends back home. . . how much I missed them.

I don't like feeling so depressed. . . it is hard not to. I knew that after high school I would have to make new friends, but I didn't think leaving the old ones would be this hard. . .

I miss my best friend the most. . .the sleepovers we would have and the secrets we would share. We were literally inseparable. So much so that people actually thought we were dating. . . we would laugh when people actually asked I mean really haha.

I talk to my high school friends a lot but it is not the same as seeing them. . . all of us together. . .doing things together and laughing. . .we all have different schedules and sometimes we aren't in town when the other is and just a whole bunch of things in the way. . . new relationships and schoolwork just a lot of things.

I think that I am scared. Scared to move on from what I used to have. Life goes on, but I don't want it to. Maybe that makes me a little pathetic because I don't want to move on to new things or new people. I guess I miss high school. I had less responsibilities and happier moments. . . I never felt alone like I do now sometimes.

I guess that is the whole reason behind this entry in the first place. . . loneliness. . . and I don't feel alone because no one is around me. . . I feel alone because I don't connect deeply with any of the people I have met, if at all. The beginning of my friendships with these people were fine but now they are drifting away. . . they all have made other friends and we don't hang out much anymore. I don't really have a problem with it. I just wish for better surroundings where the people are concerned.

I am actually reading this over and I seem whiny. . . how sad am I? I mean is this really what I am whining about? Oh boo hoo Kayla you have to make new friends. You have more responsibilities now. Are these really that bad of problems? Nope. . . not really. . . I guess my depression is what is bothering me. . . do I really have depression or is this just a sad moment that will pass? I don't really know.

I am just spewing out thought after thought it is midnight and I am pretty tired. . . I am going to sleep. . .I wonder if the cough syrup that I took earlier had anything to do with my droning on about nothing. . .or something. . .I don't know.