Wednesday and Busy in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

My day was… more packed than I had expected.

Interview, Shopping, Dishes and Cleaning, Working Out, catching up on Prosebox… it may not sound like a lot on paper but it tends to take up time.

I’m still having a terrible time sleeping at night followed by difficulty waking up in the mornings. At night, my legs hurt (big shock) and I do everything from stretch to Fibro Cream Topical Pain Reliever then find myself drifting off to sleep some time between 2 and 4 am. Then in the morning, I’m almost entirely worthless to get out of bed until I realize how abundantly I sweat during the night and leave the bed out of sheer discomfort.

This morning was one such morning. Had originally intended to get out of bed earlier… but that didn’t happen. So I got out of bed around 9, checked my e-mail saying “We’ll call you” and appreciated getting an Amazon Update saying my (hopeful) PS4 resolution will arrive before 8 pm tomorrow.

After that, I literally sat around staring at my phone. You see, by this point it was close enough to 11 that there was little I could do until the call came in… so I just waited for it. Lots of inspired passionate young kids working on political campaigns, focused on voting rights and working against some of the voter suppression issues in regards to Voter ID laws and local government understanding of those laws.

They instantly offered me a position… unpaid. Volunteer. No pay. No reimbursement. So… not exactly what I was looking for. But… an opportunity to be involved in politics, be a part of something, meet people, possibly make change happen in my state. So… yeah. If nothing turns up from the other job prospects at least this would be something to do to make me feel less… blah. Plus… having more people in my life might be exactly what I need. On a given day, the only person (these days) I even have an opportunity to have a conversation with is my wife. Not saying changing that will impact our relationship; but some things need to be about me, right?

After the interview… you know what I really want to do? Play my freaking Playstation! Especially because… after 2 years… I am now only 3 levels away. Once I deal with Skyrim, I can work on Overwatch and/or start Persona 5 and/or start Root Letter. Games I’ve been looking forward to. I really hope my Amazon purchase fixes the issue. Because if not? My Saturday will likely be “Wake Up, Workout, Target for Replacement Controllers, Dragon Lance Game, Toonami, Staying up all night playing PS4 afterwards.” lol

Instead, since I can’t play my Playstation 4.... I’ll switch things up. Instead of doing a bunch of chores and errands and then hoping/trying to make sure I fit exercise in before Wife comes home.... I’m going to do the exercise thing first. First: Exercise. Second: Errands. Third: Chores. That way, I can make sure to get my own health and wellness item taken care of no matter what. Then I can make sure we have food and juice and wife’s list of snack requests. Then I can be home watching TV, Netflix, or listening to Music while emptying the dishwasher, loading the dishwasher, and reclaiming my clothes. Because I did laundry again. As per our arrangement, I put our laundry into the Clean Laundry Bin and left it so that Wife could re-fold everything as she is wont to do. But she rarely gets there now. Like… she’ll just leave the laundry sitting around. I would go ahead and fold everything and put it away… but I don’t want to deal with the hassle of dealing with her after. So… if I finish my workout, errands, and Dish-based chores before she comes home… to make sure I have clothes for the next few days… I’ll fold my clothes and put them away and leave her clothes out. She’ll still give me crap for folding my clothes wrong, but if they are my clothes… I’m much less likely to care what she has to say.

I’m also struggling deeply with advice a very ill friend said. She was diagnosed with Stage 4 Leukemia and (by the grace of God) survived. But she shared how uniquely it altered her perspective. Granted, it wasn’t something revolutionary that I’d never heard before… but it is something I’ve long since believed and never had the ability to live. “There’s never the perfect time for anything. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Stop putting something off until things are different, just do today.” And that’s so bloody hard to live. Things I’d like to do? Cosplay, go to a Convention, Own a House, Adopt a Dog, Throw a House Party, Feel Attractive, Travel… and those are just the things I want to do that I feel I can say in public… the other stuff would make blush (or roll your eyes). And I just… don’t think I have it in me to really… go do any of that. Which is what I’ve been saying for many years now. The biggest dichotomy in my life is the wide gap between what I want to do and what I actually do. I’m quick to say it is a difference between what I want to do and what I can do but… inherently that is incorrect. I could cosplay if I wanted to. I have enough friends that do it that, with monetary incentive, I could probably get them to help me. There are all sorts of different conventions for all sorts of different hobbies, companies, and properties… I could find one nearby almost any weekend, I’m sure. Everything is about money, opportunity.... I think that may be another big reason why I want tomorrow’s interview to work out. Not only will that job bring money with vacation time and sick leave; there will be some work/life balance; and if Wife stays in DM for a while… it will provide me an opportunity to explore the city and citizens without worrying about her social hang ups.

Of course, there would be my own social hang ups to consider. Namely how I have a lot of difficulty going up to new people.

Maybe this is all that “Facebook Effect.” Facebook connects you with your interests and likes so it makes you feel like the world is full of people like you when it isn’t. For instance, I get a steady stream of Geek Interests: Cosplay, Video Games, Star Trek, Star Wars, Comic Books… Facebook shows me all of my interests and says, ”Look, there are attractive girls that share these interests.” But I know that’s just Facebook Effect showing me the “perfect, social media approved” version of life. Bah. I think my brain is just doing weird stuff now. I should go get my sweat on.

Well… from 1:00 when I left for exercise to 5:00 when I came back from running errands… yeah. Took a long time.

So long that I actually have no energy to do much of anything else :(

My interview tomorrow is at 1:30… that’s the one I most want… and I need to leave here around 10:00 to make sure there are no transportation hiccups.

I’ll likely write another entry tonight or early tomorrow. Also… I’m going to try to go through my bookmarks and notes and do better to respond. Or at least try. There are a lot of things I’d like to respond to and if y’all took the time to note me, I’d like to respond with at least appreciation if nothing more.