Weak Attempt in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

It has been a long time since I wrote a poem… this may be lame

I’ve been retracing how we got here
The paths that broke and intertwined
I’ve been discovering the sign posts
that I never learned to mind.

The desires of my heart and flesh
were never how I acted.
The closest that I ever got
was to say I was attracted.

If I could do it all again,
the things that I would change
would be so big and numerous
a lifetime rearranged.

The problem there, I must now state
is easily predicted.
With every change comes new regret
new ways to be restricted.

If I could wave a magic wand
my wants would not astonish
happiness and comfort, too
and the fun one would admonish

I’d feel, my friend, for the first time
in years just what is pleasure
I’d understand from such skilled hands
a mouth, a sex, a treasure

A world where beauty, lips and life
of lingerie and kindness
Of trashy girls and classy girls
and feelings of refinedness

But honestly what I want most
is a thing that is complete
Emotional and sexual
intelligent and neat.

So I stay up with my little words
my dreams of something more
Staring at the inky black,
the coldness or the door.