Nope, I'm a pushover. in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Okay… so I’m a pushover… and that is totally on me and not my wife. I need to embrace that, work on it, and figure out how to get better about it.

You see, Wife came home and asked, as part of cooking dinner, if I could cook up some meat while she showered. I figured… sure. Helping out, no big deal. Except… after I cooked the meat, she was still in the shower. So I put in all the other ingredients and started cooking the meal. Of course, in the middle of adding the ingredients… the shower shuts off. And Wife shouts, “Hey Chris… can you bring me a towel?”

Now… here’s the thing. Our towels are kept in the same bathroom that Wife was showering in. I should have just said, “Fuck off, get your own towel.” But I didn’t. I dropped what I was doing, walked into the bathroom, grabbed her a towel and handed it to her. Except she didn’t grab it. So I ripped the curtain aside (scaring her) and said, “Take the towel.” She was… spacing… as is her go to.

But I didn’t just completely let it go this time. I mean… I’m at fault for not making her deal with her shit… but I did tell her “You have shitty timing. I’m cooking dinner and you ask me to come into the bathroom where you already are to get you a towel?”

So… winding up cooking dinner? That’s on me for not saying no.
Dropping everything to serve her needs because she didn’t have the right towel? That’s on me for not telling her to fuck off.

This is what it is to be someone who wants to be a people pleaser. I want the people in my life to be happy, safe, and taken care of. And apparently, I want that for them more than I want that for me.

Of course… the fact that I don’t get a “thank you” most of the time also upsets me.

Though… I did specifically tell Wife that she was more like a friend and good roommate. She had nothing to say to that.

And… I don’t know if this absolves me in any way for my previous fuck up but I did specifically ask Wife to do the dishes and clean up. So at least I’m not doing everything tonight.

My therapist said, about my particular Cognitive Distortion worksheet, that “Magnification and Minimization” matches up with a lot of who she’s seen me be in our time. Particularly, “This one is a common one for those of us who carry around “helper” type identities where we are working on creating a harmonious world and carrying much of the “burden” to make this all work.” Sounds like me. I can actually trace this to sources… and see exactly how it has created significant problems in my life.