Vulnerable in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

This is a Friends Only Entry as I will be discussing a fellow PB user. There are a number of reasons why I don’t want to discuss PB users on PB… other than that feeling like a tacky thing to do. But I am having an emotional reaction to an event where the only other knowledgeable party is also on Prosebox and… while I know this entire entry is going to make me look like a terrible piece of shit… I want to discuss this.

BACKGROUND INFORMATION
In the moves surrounding the potential closure of Prosebox, I gave a few people various versions of my contact information. I’ve always been a little paranoid and very compartmentalized so some people got Facebook info, some people got my Spam Filter E-Mail address, some people got my Instagram… that kind of thing.

(End Background Info)

One of the people that I gave facebook information to leapt at the chance to engage me in Facebook Messenger. It was a wonderful experience. We discussed video games, life, mutual interests. It was… at least it felt like… building into a nice friendship. Some light, playful flirting happened… but that is something that will happen. Hell, IRL this is a thing. I have a friend who the Wife has said “would be a knockout if she wasn’t such a tomboy.” This friend and I are extremely close in that way where friends who genuinely like and respect each other give each other shit all the time. So anytime I ‘score a point’ with giving her shit, she’ll get frustrated that she couldn’t respond better and just flip me off. To which I’ll say, “Is that an offer?” Kind of flirty and playful. Well, this friend I was talking with on Facebook Messenger… we got to a flirty stage. And the flirtiness increased beyond just “flirty because communication.” Now, I’m not an idiot. This is someone I’ve not met in real life. A person that may just be this flirty with anyone. After all, she is a stunningly beautiful woman in her 20s with dark hair, light eyes, large breasts and stands at 5‘9. There is no possible way in this reality that a woman like that would honestly find me attractive enough to be super flirty because she thought I was a worthwhile target. BUT and I say this with no apologies.... even knowing that the enhanced flirtiness wasn’t likely about me… it helped my self-esteem in a way that I can’t even begin to describe. An attractive woman saying things that made me feel good about myself? Don’t get me wrong… when I get encouraging Prosebox notes, that is all well and good. But this? This was something beyond that. This was a woman I found powerfully attractive saying things to me that made me feel like something other than a throwaway fat short individual only as good as what he could offer someone else. I started actually feeling good about myself for a minute.

But Friday, I guess something was off. I’m wondering if she was having a rough night… or if she was painfully bored… if she needed someone/something… I don’t know. Because I wasn’t very chatty (traveling across the state, dealing with wife, getting a late dinner) and then at 11 or so, I mentioned that I was going to bed and she sent me “Those who can’t keep up always seem to get left behind… Ta.” and then Facebook Messenger sent me a message saying, “You can no longer respond to this user.” Like I was suddenly blocked or something.

Logically, I understand what a good friend would say in this situation. “If she was that willing to just bugger off forever, good riddance.” Or, “Maybe she just closed out of the chat and when she gets back on, she’ll send you a message or something.” Or whatever other thing could be said here. But what I wanted to write about regarding?

(1) I didn’t realize how badly my heart ached for some positive encouragement. Seriously. Someone saying nice things, making me feel like what I thought mattered… making me feel like what I wanted had some significance. Apparently, I was (have been) painfully aching for nice words. It hurts realizing just how desperate I was/am for that.

(2) Even if it was a lie, even if it was a fabrication of convenience… the very idea that an interesting and beautiful woman would even want to flirt with me made me feel like a new man. Someone who could have anyone wanting to spend even a little time with me, getting to know me and becoming friends, then moving to something actually flirty? It made me feel something I didn’t know I could feel.

And the idea that that would be gone? Hurt me more than I expected, hurt me more than it should have. I now totally get why “Prendly” is a thing. If I understand the app properly, it is a paid subscription app with some micro-transactions within that allow USER to start a purely text chat “relationship” with OTHER based entirely on flirting. Advertised to Men as a way to get “the best parts of on-line dating without the awkward meet up stage” and advertised to Women as “a fun new way to make money online through writing.” Frankly, when I first read the “without the awkward meet up stage” part, I laughed. Because, yes, the reason people do Online Dating is because they never want to meet the person IRL. ROFL. What a load!

But I get it now. I think I didn’t understand because it had been so very long since I’d encountered anything like… flirting… or a woman acting interested in me, even in a playful way. Feeling like my opinion mattered, that I could be considered attractive or worthwhile…feeling like something beyond an appliance. True, maybe it is for the best that it looks like I’ll not have any more contact with this person. But I hope you don’t begrudge me for missing it… for already being sad that I have to return to a life devoid of it.

FIVE HEALTH BENEFITS TO FLIRTING

Builds confidence and self-esteem
If you’ve been in a relationship long enough, it may happen that the fizz goes off on the passion front. The relaxed contentment of an old relationship may not be doing anything for your self-esteem. A little harmless flirting can help you feel attractive again and confident about yourself.

Flirting is known to build up positive energy, and so long as you use that energy to build your marriage or relationship, you can go right ahead and flirt.

According to Sue Ostler, author of the book Relationships That Rock!, flirting can make you feel good and help reduce stress levels.

In fact, researchers at the University of Washington have concluded that flirting at the workplace helps workers remain happy amidst all the stress, and increases office camaraderie

People who have been in a relationship for long can start to take each other for granted. Moreover, you might start taking yourself for granted too.

Flirting can provide the spark needed to motivate you to lose some weight, to join a new hobby class, or to change jobs. After all, when you feel good, you start to appreciate yourself a little more!