hey I'm back. Withdrawl. in 2017. got it.

hey i’m back? [you, went somewhere?] actually yes yes I did. i was at my mom’s Wed. - yesterday but i don’t usually um blog. on..........Thurs. nights or Fri. mornings so. and it’s now 10:50 Fri. night. anyway.
before I go on to the other stuff. i’m going through withdrawl. yes again oh good. it hit me 11 p.m. Wed. night. oh god. and it’s been. it’s been hard. i drank a little bit at my mom’s last.......wk. but if i hadn’t had a drink um. [like i mean more then a bit in hot choc.]. from........like aug. to........ feb. then. i don’t understand.
Although I was readign about it. and there’s this thing called ‘post acute withdrawl syndrome’. which can happen up to 2 yrs. after the last drink. oh yeah and i think i might actually have that. it’s been almost 2 days. and then Day 3 begins and honestly i don’t know that i’ll be able to make it all the way through day 3 w/o some kindof substance not alcohol. although i have, alcohol but it’s. not for that purpose no it’s for medical, purposes. but also. i know that if um. ........i do have some kindof substance and don’t make it 6 days w/o. i’ll regret it so. People say don’t lose hope. well sure yeah but we should also be honest w/ ourselves. even if we’re not honest w/ anyone else. so....... there’s that.
i need a drink. [yes which is part of this. the cravings, have not gone away.]. or pot. or a cig. i’ve smoked a few since i was 25 not addicted or anything. a drink would only set me back. yes but from what exactly.
the last time i went through this was in july. so been almost a yr.
the cravings. are like coming up for air after swimming for so long.
on Day 2 which was yesterday into. well actually Day 3 started um 10 mins. ago so. anyway on Day 2 my symptoms were: hallucanating. nauseous. not hungry. chills. tired. headache. more anxious then usual. restless. jittery i was jittery as hell.
it’s called ‘dope sick’ for a reason. [and yes alcohol is a drug.].
i feel sick. bc i am.
i cried today. bc of how hard this is. if I hadn’t picked up that first drink 7 yrs. ago this coming Nov. apparently. this never would’ve happened. or if i hadn’t stopped drinking. [wait actually that also causes problems.]. and i wouldn’t have gone through all the withdrawls i’ve gone since. yes and this is exactly why sobriety used to scare me. this is exactly why. bc of this. it still does just not as much.

^ ‘today’ being on Day 2.

you think it’s bad when i’m drunk? just wait untill i’m sober. no wait untill i go through withdrawl. one small thing one small change ya know?

i remember. when i couldn’t even go a day. and now.......longest i’ve gone is 6 months.

Day 3 alrite here we go.