Dead Rapist showed up in my dream in Elm

So had a dream  about my rapist last night. Except in real life he is dead. He was shot dead a block away from where I live now.



It was freaky because in the dream I KNEW he was supposed to be dead/died. I was helping move of all things.



He told me not to say anything  to his new gf? But i said cryptic things anyways to him about  him dying.





The person  in real life raped me till i was in extreme pain and laughed.  I punched him and screamed at the top of my lungs but i wasnt strong  enough. He was extremely high on cocaine and was going down hill everytime  i saw him



He held me and raped me while saying he was the devil and laughed. I was terrified  he was going to kill me.



I laid down  and played dead almost. I just laid there staring straight  ahead. He went on talking  about cubes and boxes. No idea what the fuck he was saying. He tried to get me to give him  oral sex. I didnt respond. I felt dead inside. He left coke  on my side table. Even though  i never  did coke with him or asked him for it and he just walked  out. 



I passed out  from.shock and pain. Woke up in my own blood. I couldn't  walk properly for a week i was in so much pain. I didnt tell anyone. But i did call  him the   next day and screamed at him and said karma was going to get him. He denied raping me laughing  but also seemed curious  to what i was saying as if he really did know consciously or unconsciously .



Anyways never talked to him again. But did talk to his cousin. His cousin told me he had raped other girls was preying on other women. Was a sexual predator....



I said to myself  i will never  get justice in the traditional sense. But both me and his cousin said we knew the was he was acting he was on his way out. Jail death…wasnt sure. He was a ticking time bomb.



Than it happened. I got a call 8 months later. At one am. I called the cousin back. He told me that he died. He had been shot. Turned on the news. There  was his dead body uncovered lying sprawled out on the street. I went  numb in complete  shock.  His cousin came over that day. 

.the days followed looking for his killer. Saw his whole family  on the news. Found  out his real name. His age. His dreams  his goals his past. His sisters brothers mother crying at the press conference.



I felt very  conflicted. Here was someone who told me he loved me. Gave me the last dollars he had when i was starving....all for a price. Sexual  acts…food alcohol money all for a price. Hugs…kind words. And he was the only one helping me. Not my family not anyone. No one gave a shit about  me but this sexual predator. I felt it familiar and comfortable. I knew what  i had to do to get what i needed. It was clear there was no confusion. 





I didnt know how dangerous he really was until it was too late. Until he brutally raped me. Until he died and i found out he had been charged  for being in possesion of many firearms before.



That night in novemeber was a nightmare. And i still live it. In my dreams. Than a few years  later. Accidently moving  a block away from where  he was shot. I walk by there often.



Sometimes sad. Sometimes mad. Sometimes truimphant.

I wonder if hes sorry for what he did. I wonder if he died instantly and if he didnt if he felt remorse for raping me raping others.

Im still alive. I survived  something that was my worst nightmare. Being brutally sodomized screaming and trying to get away. Scared  i was going  to die. Screaming for help no one comming. Punching saying  no resisting  to a rape that went on for hours. Terrified of an extremely drugged out 6'3 at least 200 ilbs monster.

2 days till 1st day of spring
12 days till end of month. 1 week and 5 days.

Last updated March 15, 2019