Life's so hard when your living like a G(irl) in Riverdale

Life's so hard when you living like a G...

I like that song.

Anyways last night I got really drunk on my own. I wasn't expecting to drink so much really.

I was super hungover for the first half of the morning.

I called my ex drunkenly. Private. I talked to him. I said who I was he acted weird. When I said who I was he goes whats up? And I just repeated who it was and he went who's this? Who's this? I'm at work can't talk blah blah blah. So I said something I forget what and called him a pet name and hung up.

Weird of me. I guess that's the part of me that misses him but knows that it's not right. I don't feel bad or embarassed about calling or how and what I said really. I think is prolly be more embarassed if I called all pissed off or sad or something. At least w this I don't know I seem like I don't know? DESPERATE?!? Lol That I miss him still. Naw I don't know. I hung up quick anyways and didn't call back.

He didn't call or anything. I don't know I was drunk and got it in my head to just call and say who it was and see his reaction if I kept it very calm and open ended. I hadn't talked to him since he was a complete douche to me two months back. I wanted to see if he'd say anything about that or whatever. He didn't. He acted like he didn't know me pretty much like a douche. I came off as nice.

I had to do what I had to do for more closure in a way. I had to do it my way I guess...by calling private saying what I wanted to say in that moment than hanging up when I was done.

Anyways.

I signed up for an expressive arts group. I did one a few years back before getting involved w douche bag. I liked it. It got me in touch w my creativity w me. A way to express my pain and emotions in another way and gain insights and wisedom from what I paint draw or whatever. It starts next week. I went to the intake today. I like the facilitators a lot. It's not too far away. It will be on Mondays.

Will fill up my week and meet new people. I start my course again tomm. We will be doing CPR for the next few days. Kind of boring and I don't wanna do it in a way because I hate thinking about these types of things. But I guess better safe than sorry.

Not too much more really.