Let There Be Peace in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Today is my wife’s first day at a new job. I am super excited for her and I hope she can learn and enjoy it. I tried to get her re-focused over the weekend. Instead of focusing on her fears, I’d ask her what her least favorite parts of Wal Mart were and if she expects to find any of that at her new job. I asked her what she would tell people when they asked what she did for a living. We watched a lot of Last of the Summer Wine to calm her down. I just really hope today goes well for her. She could certainly use it!

Also over the weekend, a job opening was advertised. Considering Wife is just starting a new job (and considering my need for a little rest) I didn’t think to apply. Wife wants me to. It would require a move and we’d have to figure out how to deal with her new job.... but the job opening was for an Assistant County Attorney that has incredibly good benefits and starting pay over 60k. So… it ticks all the boxes. Thus, I will apply for it. We’ll see what happens if anything. But it would be very “our life” if I got this job and had to start immediately; necessitating that Wife live here for 6 months and I have to move to Eastern Iowa. Though, especially with her Dad’s health and everything… being only 90 minutes away as opposed to being 3 hours away could be a positive.

How… typical. Dylan and I got here at 8:30. The new “required time” to be in the office. Chinese Boss shows up at 9. (White Boss got here at 10:00, wearing a jogging outfit, and immediately put food in the microwave.) Eye Roll. OOh, about that… I almost forgot to mention.....

Over the weekend, due to the accident, I had to get a new car. At the car dealership, I ran into somebody. This individual was the Legal Assistant to the Law Firm we shared space with. SO… she didn’t have to work for my bosses but she’s known them longer than I have and seen how they work up close and personal. Speaking with her made me feel great because she was very much “I’m surprised they can get people to work for them longer than 6 months.” A capsule summary of our conversation would read as: Chinese Boss is a crazy woman that would be too hard to work for.
You all see it through my lens; her saying it exclusively from her lens was good to hear. Necessary even.

During Lunch I called Wife.
She was miserable but was able to say it wasn’t anything about the job or the people… just that feeling of terror and discomfort because everything was new. She started to cry which… I hope I didn’t add to by calling and trying to help.

Meanwhile… my work is… dumb. Almost all of my cases are in holding patterns because in the next 14 days, I won’t be their lawyer. Meanwhile, the private cases that SHOULD NOT BE in holding patterns are held up by Chinese Boss. There is a case that has to go to trial on Friday if I don’t have one small, specific piece of paper. Chinese Boss knows this. She said, “Didn’t I send that to you?” I emphatically said no. Double checked everything. Said no again. I encouraged her to contact the Chinese Client to make sure we get that item because we really fucking need it. Haven’t received anything all day. Glad she’s so relaxed about it all. That, I think, above all is why I’ll be thrilled to leave here. Even if I do get the job in Eastern Iowa and won’t have time to rest, heal, and lose weight. Just leaving this place alone is sufficient. And I honestly can’t wait.

All things considered my current feelings make sense. I don’t like this firm and I don’t like my bosses… and frankly, I didn’t really like most of my clients. But I’m still getting sad as I file withdrawals in my cases. I was able to help people. I was able to do a decent job at the lawyer thing. And there is a large part of me that hopes (and is worried) that this won’t be the last time I get to do the lawyer thing. Obviously, I could always go in to business for myself but… sigh. I need to leave here. And all the research in the world says, after a place like this, a bit of a break/breather is necessary. Clear the head. Refocus. Leaving a toxic job is like leaving a toxic relationship… most (if they can) would benefit from not “dating right away” afterwards. So I understand all of this. But I’ve watched too many of my dreams fade to ash. If I can’t be an actor or a father, all I have left is lawyer and prosecutor. I don’t want to wake up in 6 years and realize that I’ve never achieved any part of life that I wanted.