seeping into me a little each day in Torridaussity Two

depression and anxiety and unhappiness, but oh how I hide it well from everyone because although I love everyone in my life they never get it. I say some small things about having a bad self esteem day, or how being hurt by another guy who turned out to be a liar or scammer, or how i love my job, but am burnt out and I get you shouldn’t have low self esteem you are a great person we love you, there is someone out there for you, you will see, get a new job something that will make you happy. I don’t want to hear that I don’t need that I need someone to hold me and say you are going to be okay no matter what the future holds. Over the last year I really stopped caring about myself, I didn’t take care of my medical issues as I should have and I gained weight I can’t afford to gain, I allowed myself to be used, but back in December I shook myself out of that and started to care again, but here we are beginning of March and it’s all seeping back into me and yes I know depression and anxiety are illnesses and I can seek treatment, but unfortunately at the moment I can’t really afford a therapist or extra medication so for now I need to deal with it on my own. I am having a particularly bad week because February was particularly brutal to me for many reasons. I need to write here more and vent it helps. It’s the only place I am able to write everything I am truly feeling and not be judged by those that know me. Those of you who stick around and read me and have befriended me here have no idea how it helps to read your comments of support and encouragement.