valerie last night car thing. and scopophobia. in 2017. got it.

right so last . night. [it was last night right? yeah i see her on mon. and last night er yesterday was yeah ok.]. um. as i’ve mentioned oh right so when we get to the house after a few mins. [well actually when we get back to the house rather]. um. right when we get back to the house after a few mins. she. goes back to the car. she’s ‘i’ma stay here untill she answers’ or something. she being the lady. so....... then.
um....... yeah i didn’t like that. 1. I don’t particularly like. being looked at when i’m doing things/waiting for someone to answer the door. it’s called scopophobia and I’ve had it since i was like 10. i just didn’t know untill now that there was name for it. and now it’s. oh wow there’s a name for this. and 2. that feels patronising. I don’t need her to sit there and ‘protect’ me and wait untill I get inside like i’m 2. really. just so she can feel all good about herself. like ‘hey look what a great job i did today. i ‘saved’ her. now i can go back to my house knowing nothing happened to her’. fuk’s sake. [yes. i have a thing about this.]. well 1 things happen to me [well i mean i have an ED so. internal things that is. in my own body. not from um external sources] inside the house too. and um 2. i’m not hers to ‘save’. i’m not hers to ‘protect’. yes exactly bc i’m not hers.
if it had been me. [not that i drive cause i don’t.]. i would’ve just driven off. like ‘you’re fine you got a phone. you know what to do.’. although. w/ that said no one knows exactly what they’ll do in a any situation untill it happens to them.

so that’s it for valerie stuff. well for now anyway but knowing me.