Being Seen (and Heard) in Everyday Ramblings

This shot from yesterday is of a heritage Hawthorne tree out in front of the church I go to. There are three. The shape of them bare is still quite beautiful. I took this because I went to an event at the church a week ago that has encouraged me to think a bit about my relationship with the church.

I was raised a Unitarian but didn’t go in my 20’s. I did get married with a Unitarian minister presiding early in my 20’s but I didn’t go back to church until my 30’s when I joined the recovery oriented Glide Memorial Methodist church in San Francisco. I just really liked their services. They were fun. And I really liked the way the church serviced and reached out to the local community. And, umm, I wanted to be in their dance group. But I am not a Christian. So that was a little odd.

I participated in the community at Glide but not the overarching beliefs.

When I came up to Portland on a reconnaissance mission I went to a service at the church I go to now and although concerned about how staid and oddly conservative the church seemed for one with a very liberal perspective I felt okay about joining. I thought it was the healthy thing to do as I was on my own and didn’t know anyone here.

Ever since then I have had a pretty much arms length relationship with the church. I pledge, I often go to services (for years I didn’t miss one), a few random classes like the Build Your Own Theology class; I joined a poetry group and Women’s Circle.

I saw a woman in the restroom from that original poetry group yesterday and she didn’t acknowledge that she knew me or didn’t recognize me. I said hi anyway.

But I never connected in any deep way with anyone until Mrs. Sherlock started coming to my fledgling yoga classes. It was with her I developed the ambition after a couple of years to offer to teach yoga through the church.

This group, the core group of students has been my first really deep connection to the local church after all these years. I adore my students and look forward to our time together. And we do talk about the broader issues that come up in the life of the church around, during and after class but in a very inclusive way. I do have students that don’t go to the church.

So I was distressed when two years ago I heard that our unusually introverted associate minister had started questioning what yoga had to do with church life and particularly asking why I was teaching an ongoing class and using space in the church building for my classes.

In the end I jumped at the opportunity to move the class to the studio two blocks away because of this lingering sense of what I offer not being valued by the management of the church.

Last weekend there was a “listening session” (in the middle of this intense rain/snow mixed participation event) for members to talk about what they want the future of our Adult Ed programs to be. I went primarily to defend our program and to have the opportunity to talk to said associate minister who has never learned my name or done anything to acknowledge that I have been a member of his church for 20 years…

When I got there, he wasn’t there. The facilitators (both fans of the yoga class) had group exercises for us to do based on the table we were at and then shared with the group. They were challenging exercises. We had to imagine what the church would be like in 2098.

(I threw everybody for a bit of a loop when I asked if we would have bodies then.)

Our associate minister came late in the process and never said a word and did not engage with us at all.

So yesterday after service waiting for Mrs. Sherlock to pick up this beautiful painting she had purchased from our art wall, I was telling my retired minister student about this in broad terms and she told me that I need to call him up and make an appointment and talk to him! She says the ministers want to talk to us.

This would never have occurred to me, never has occurred to me in the last two years. Ministers are for folks in need, right???

But it also brought to the forefront that I do have this very arms length relationship with the church. That has worked for me and reinforced this sense of being an outsider that I cling to so tightly.

Because, you know, I am special.

Eek. I am so non confrontational and this will be very hard for me to do but I trust my retired minister student and she knows what she is doing.

This is all about being seen and heard.

Something I think we almost all (except our President) could use a little more of.

Oh and as an astonishing side note speaking of the Federal Government, I sent off my passport renewal application two weeks ago (with just regular handling chosen, not expedited) and wrote a note on my calendar to check to see if I had it by June.

The new passport came Friday. Wow. Two weeks turaround!

Last updated February 26, 2018