Desperation in Riverdale

Even desperation is planning for me

And when the desperation plan doesnt work

Its a blessing in disguise

Even when it hurts

And its fusterating

Because life goes on

The day end

And tommorow is another  day

People come and go

Money comes and goes

Its usually for the best

And makes me confront 

And see the things that matter the most in my life

I am not longer in an illision. I have nothing that  distracts  me from the roots of my problems cravings urges and compulsions. I am no longer blind and in denial.  And it hurts and is boring and lonely and scary fusterating really mostly. But at the same time  it allows me to see things clearly. So when things  do come up setbacks distractions ive learned and keep in mind  the things i have reflected on previously and it makes me stronger and less likely to settle for less in every area in my life. With no distractions can be peace. It can be greatfulness for the things that i DO have. It grounds me in the reality of how things really are the good bad ugly beautiful  the complexity of my life and the world. The complexity of my feelings  and other peoples  feelings reactions  and choices. Nothing is surface anymore it goes deeper and its empowering to take a big step back from what i see on the surface and see how pur society deeply can effect others to act a certain way. How all of us in our own ways are victim to society and its expectations  some of us are alot and some not as much but everything we do and know comes from somewhere. The pressure of it all. Even when we arr aware of it and try to get away from societies ideals and fear mongering pressure.