You Know About The Girl... in Chapter 9 : Oil Above Water

So…

I had to last minute ditch my Valentine plans with Straight Girl, and I’d do it again. Pidge took not well with Croup…AGAIN and so we had to do an emergency dash to A&E as her sats were sat at 82%. A little Oxygen and a big ol’ dose of steroids and she’s back to bouncing around on her Toddler Fracture.

I don’t know how SG felt about being straight up patched on Valentine’s but it was only a dinner date and honestly, the kids come above all else. I’ll text her later and ask. I actually felt a bit of relief at not going if I’m honest. It meant I didn’t have to sit and eat a meal with SG, it meant I didn’t have to sit and explain why I don’t really drink anymore (the reason why is the same reason as to why I had to cancel the date) and it also meant there was on expectation to go back to hers, nor to bring her back to mine. I’m not ready for a physical relationship again, not yet. Besides which I have NO business being naked with anyone in my current state, state being the operative word. I broke in to a new weight bracket this week so now it’s no longer 4 stone whatever to lose, it’s 3 stone whatever to lose however, that doesn’t negate the monstrosity that is my body right now. It’s like someone injected a jelly baby with growth hormones. Then there’s the souveneirs from my recent trip to rock bottom, and I REALLY don’t want to have to explain that one. Can you imagine? That’d be round the college by breakfast and round the town by lunch. Fuck, by tea-time I’d be getting phonecall asking how I lost my leg. I’ma give that nonsense a hard pass.
I keep thinking that maybe a relationship with SG wouldn’t be such a bad thing, that maybe it would be nice to have a girlfriend. I’m clearly a fucking idiot. If I couldn’t make a relationship with Monday work then how would I make one work with anyone else? We’re still friends but honestly, that girl adores me, she was grfeatbgirlfriends and maybe I’m not such an absolute cunt, as it would have been VERY easy to take advantage of that situation but I didn’t because she’s so sweet. She deserved honesty and happiness and I tried to give her both, I really did but I just couldn’t open up to her either.

We didn’t get back from A&E until half 2 this morning and of course it would be the day that Pidge was up to see the developmental consultant. Finally we got an inkling of what ballpark she might be playing in. He’s now thinking that it’s not Asperger’s but that it’s probably ADHD however not that we’ll really be looking at an official doagnisis until around this tome next year or the year after, because clearly her getting some support and having the school be prepared for her isn’t a priority. He even agreed that her behaviour and conduct is unlikely to change much but is more likely to get worse in the next 12 months but obviously he doesn’t want to put the label on her just yet. I honestly don’t think they realise how long it takes not to devise a strategy but to implement them. I’m almost 3/4 of the way through college and still it’s a struggle to get my very basic requirements met by the lecturing team and he lecturing team I have are brilliant but they’re human so things get forgotten and what-not. So if as an adult with Dyslexia I struggle to get my needs met within a 12 month time frame, can you imagine how long it’s going to take at a primary school within an educational authority that really doesn’t give a shit about its ASN pupils? You’re meant to be able to send your kids to school and have faith that they’re going to meet their duties of care, and in under other authorities I would, but here, nope. I know this place too well. I’ve lived it, I’ve been Pidge and it’s shit. So where do we go from here? Well I guess I have to put my big girl panties on, suck it up and get back in the ring. It’s time to start fighting for my girl because let’s face it, no other fucker’s going to.

Last updated February 15, 2018