Reality in Elm

So not much more bad can happen to me lately that I would be c9mpletely shocked about really.



People are fucked. Systems are fucked. Most people are really ugly inside and out. No shocker there. I have really yet to find someone who I really like and admire. They are all so uninspiring.



I have nothing left to give to anyone. I hardly have anything to give to myself really. It's all been made to be this fucking fake reality show. A competition a desperate race. It's pathetic. I'm worn out by it. I'm tired. And it's all fucked I can still feel guilty when others just don't seem to care how they effect others. I'm living in this other world where people actually have deep feelings and are sensitive and care when really they are just shallow and ego  based. Selfish and narrow minded. It's just bullshit.



Fuck it all to hell it's this fancy insidious hell this world. Looks all okay but really it's not it's just cold cruel indifferent deep down. I don't really like human beings and I don't feel that guilty really about it. What have they really done for me but leave me betray me flake out and backstab me oh and try to kill me. Nice.



I love God and want to go to heaven alot

But not completely I guess. I love my cats and some aspects of life and the world but people are definitely not on the top of the list and their games and fakeness  and stupidity. Not a fan.



I still feel empty though because I know humans are supposed to love and connect but it's just been slim pickings for me. I can't trust or feel safe with anyone around me. They hurt or abuse me in some way or another.



I've always felt this emptiness where love and connection is supposed to be.

Last updated March 14, 2019