Ufortunate brain dump in other first

This is just the top.... mom called last night to tell me my Aunt Wendy was sent home from the hospital with hospice. She been in this time for 17 (13 in ICU) days and they said “enough”. The doctors give her 2 weeks. I’m going to talk to my boss this morning about my options. I know I don’t have time so really it’s to verify the consequences and for us both to be 100% aware of what’s going to happen if it falls on a weekend. When I sit down on Monday to pay bills I’ll start keeping an almost random trip in mind. This is why we need to put that Emergency fund back pronto.

Prosebox has been down like all week for me so I didn’t think that it would be up on the weekend. It’s only because I need to tip the glass that I even looked.

My Aunt Wendy had cancer. It was in her leg and though I couldn’t tell you what kind It was told it’s one that eventually takes you. They have been slowing it down with expensive meds and Chemo. It’s been a road. I was lucky enough to have visited a couple(?) years ago. We talked about how time flies faster at a distance. Seems like I was just there last week. My Uncle’s Bear hugs were weaker then I had remembered and I had been a tad upset by that. They were my home away for 2 summers. Wendy was a very loving and caring mother. When I was young our parents had been part of a Muzzle loaders club. My mom and Dad, My Aunt Wendy and Uncle Gary, and 3 of their friends Pattie, Patrick, and Pat Jr. (no lie). They would practice in the back at the farm house in MI. I remember hunting fools gold and Jessie getting into a fight with her brothers about winning in Bingo.

Aunt Wendy used to take care of her mother. She would be there most of the day in the summer and Jessie and I would leave with her decently early (or sleep in and stay home) and walk around town, play tennis at the park, watch a movie......

My mothers side had always been pretty close. My cousins on my mom’s side were my first best friends. I honestly am having trouble remembering moments with Aunt Wendy that were not with Jessica.

I know, she’s not dead yet. Why am I trying to kill her in my mind? because I have not had the day to day struggle that everyone else has. I have not seen her slowly wither. I have not been there I have not yet cried for her suffering. I will not be the one who throws myself on the casket distraught. I will be stronger, for my mom, for my uncle, for the cousins I have yet to meet. (read cousins children). I know, all will be sad, many will cry, but in the end for most it will be a relief (?). The struggle was real for them. The struggle is imagined for me. So I must prepare myself to not be a blubbering cry baby. I will not see the lovely woman again. I am thankful for the visit I had. I honestly wish I was still in MI with mom’s family. What it would be like having my cousins close and Aunts and Uncles to get advise from.

I hate life this morning.