partially remembered rape. *Orange in 2017. got it.

so yes. the fact that I don’t accurately remember what happened in the van that night. is ‘normal’. 2 reasons:

-i was really drunk

-repressed memories

ok.

but something did happen. otherwise i wouldn’t be feeling this way.

well I know something happened that’s not the issue.

The weird thing is. he knows more about what happened then I do. And, guys hold their alcohol differently then ladies. do. I’m not......no I think he had a beer that night. The last thing I remember although it’s from a distance. is being in the cab w/ him.

and then. ............next thing I know. we were upstairs in my apt. and I was on my sofa.

what the fuk happened in between?

I know he raped me at least twice when we got to my apt. first was or*l.

the second was. fingers were............there. it didn’t hurt or i was too drunk for it too.

oh god.

I think I know what was in my drink. And I don’t think it was a ‘date’ rape drug from my online research on them. It smelled like that generic pill smell. Like when there are pills in a cupboard and someone opens the cupboard. yeah that.

I’m remembering more which. i don’t know.

If. i ever ran into that guy again. and i asked him about that night. then that would confirm. that yes something actually did happen in the van that night.

that’s what scares me. is that what if something happened during that in between part?