about the tree thing. [cop thing. tues. night.]. fine. they win. in 2017. got it.

so some of this is repetitive. and also. this is what i’m going to tell my psych. so. psych. notes basically:

‘This happened. Well last wk. Actually on tues. [btw my mom apparently knows about this. Also some of this i’ll leave out. personal. I’m not sure. If you know about this prior to being told, by me but if you do it would sure surprise me]:

so on.......um........tues. I was out and i’d taken a break and sat by the trees in the residential area. I was done sitting and ready to move on when. A car pulled up. Something told me to wait so I did. Well a cop got out he asked if i was ok – please don’t ask about the reason why - and i’m ‘yeah’

my name birth date where i’d come from where i was headed. what brought me out there. [‘i have depression and they say excercise helps’. well i do i’m not like. embarassed about it or anything.]. he’s ‘it’s cold it’s getting dark so.........’. right well. that usually doesn’t have an impact on when i go out.

ok and honestly. The other reason although I didn’t tell him, this. I was out was due to anxiety. Anxiety is like medicine in a way. In that um. It keeps me from getting too depressed. It’s controlling and I don’t like it and it drives me insane. But yes it does serve a function.

well. what happened was [i’m a little unclear on all the details right now] he called his co-worker. and then the first guy [and actually i asked what the plan was] called the lady and told her i was ok

i was so confused the whole time. and I told him that. ‘i’m so confused........this is all new to me’ and he’s ‘i’m here to help’. ok i didn’t say, anything to him cause well. cops but no, they’re not. Honestly they just wanted my info so they can like. ‘check up’ on me if that happens again. yeah. i believe people do things for malicious reasons particularly cops. [more on this at some point further down the road.].

and 2. i stayed. i’d turned away from him at the beginning. but i did not leave. Had I left. it would’ve looked like i had something to hide. [ok so i do. but not any weaponry/drugs or anything like that. i even mentally went through my purse.].

1. maybe I’m overthinking this. or maybe not. but the other thing I did was I. kept my hands where he could see them. [i’ve never owned a gun in my life and i don’t like guns.]. I’d read online. that if someone [ok so this applies to being in a car] um. if someone in a car reaches for their wallet the cops will think that person has a gun. a. i don’t carry a wallet 2 or weaponry and 3. like i said. no guns.

so. i kindof didn’t appreciate them stopping and all that. like they need to mind their own
business. [except. the citizens are, their business so that doesn’t quite work.].

I’m not really sure, right now what having a female officer there.........er. How that would’ve helped me. But I feel like it would’ve. [yes. They’re cops. But also they’re 2 guys who I don’t know that well. And i’m a small woman.].

So the lady took me to walgreen’s.

Then I went to starbucks. During which. My mom called. well apparently. what had happened was. that. The cops had called her. which i didn’t know they were going to as they hadn’t told me. [no I think cops use that as a manipulation tactic.]. yeah see this is a reason i don’t trust people. We had. a talk about all that had transpired. i got a little emotional a little upset w/ her then stopped myself. She’d told me we’d talk more about it on Mon. the only reason. my going out sched. is changing is bc now the cops are involved. if it weren’t for them.........

probably. The only reason i’m probably going to change the time I go out. is bc now other people are involved. [alrite so. And by ‘other people’ I mean the cops.].

[no ok. Anita’s never said to anything to me about when I go out, from what I recall. It doesn’t mean she likes it. Just that. She’s never said anything about it.]. When she was driving me back I indirectly asked for her side of the story. cause, i’d realised I only knew my side. [and her side is that they’d called her which they’d told me they were going to.].

No one said. I wasn’t ever allowed to go out. [people who have depression should, go out.]. It’s just about the time. [but frankly. The time I go out doesn’t have much impact on me.].

I’m as of right now. [it’s tues. night as i’m typing this. The 6th.]. Not willing to change my sleep schedule just for that. But then........the cops will probably [cause after something like that i’m not going to trust that they won’t] be involved so. I know. Rock hard place me.

The police. Yes they told me they were going to cal a call anita. But they didn’t tell me they were going to call you. [this is a reason I don’t trust people.]. [well. I also asked what the plan was. And how long the first guy had known his co-worker.]. I’m of the opinion that people should mind their own business. Except that. The citizens are their business so that doesn’t quite work. Still bothers me. there’s that saying a ship may be safe in a harbor but that’s not what it’s meant for. [ok so. this actually doesn’t accurately apply, to what happened…and i’m not really sure, right now, how to explain the correlation.]. > oh the ‘you’ in this being my mom.

On the above: if I knew and actually. believed [which as i’ve indirectly stated] the cops wouldn’t somehow get involved. I’d keep doing what i’m doing.

If it were me. Who’d seen someone sitting by the trees I wouldn’t say anything to them. I’d passively wait a minute to gauge how they were. But after if they seemed ok i’d leave. [i’m also. Not that verbally expressive a person.]. I just. I don’t know i’m a distantly involved person if that makes sense.

On the above: i’m not really sure where exactly this mindset of mine comes from. [if I thought about it long enough I probably would.]. But fine. They win. They win the game of me not going out after 3 p.m. Fine. They won’t have to worry about the cops calling anymore. Cause they won’t. Cause. Right now [again tues. night as i’m writing this]. I won’t. So, I guess their problem’s solved. I mean mine isn’t but w/e. That’s. I’m............

i’m used to that. I’m so used to being used to things that. It’s not all that new when these things happen. A little new cause of the details. But. Yeah.

Yeah. I could’ve left when the car pulled up. But that. wouldn’t’ve been a good idea. [that, probably might’ve made things worse so.].

Yes I did have the choice not to talk to the guy. But he was a cop so. Most people i’ll just ignore.