i don't.......the only explanation i can come up w/....... *Orange in 2017. got it.

I’m not one to acusse [sp?] people of things. But the only explanation I can come up w/ for. If what I think happened in the cab that night.actually, happened. The only explanation I have. is the cab driver was in on it and that’s why he didn’t do anything. But I really have no idea. This is all according to my weird memory being like a dream thing. Understand. I’m not accusing, the cab driver. I’m just. offering up an explanation.

This is so confusing.

But if. the guy [not the cab driver. the other guy] was in fact on top of me. then that’s.......... [well firstoff it was unwanted. second I was too drunk to consent even when cl*hd] that’s um. attempted.........ra............yeah.

I’m not sure. if unwanted kissing is. sexual harr. or sexual assault. either way. they were both unwanted advances.

oh. ............ wow. so apparently. unwanted kissing is. a form of um. physical sexual harrassment.

I know how I felt. [actually well I don’t not. not vividly. I don’t remember that all too well.]. I was there. He was there.

I keep saying ‘if’. bc. I don’t want to deal w/ the fact...........I don’t want that ‘if’ to turn into a ‘when’.

this is horrible. and awful. and confusing and. there are no words.

there are no words.

there are no words big enough. for how this feels. it’s not a written word it’s not a spoken word it’s how this feels. it’s music because. [some music this is.]. things are felt but not spoken or written.

and ya know what the really screwed up thing is? that in the cab that night. something happened prior, to me being raped. before, he raped me at my apt. what the fukin hell.