Bored in Questions

At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours?
- Every arm rest is simultaneously mine and not mine until I pick one.

Why are there no “B” batteries?
- Because when it comes to storing electricity, batteries don’t fuck around and don’t get less than an A.

Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?
- I’ve been pulled over by several cops, and I usually get out of it…except for that one time when I didn’t and I had to go to jail. That sucked…but one time I was homeless and this cop pulled me over and asked me how much I had been drinking, and I didn’t really care if I went to jail at this point, so I told him the truth and I told him I had drank just enough to calm down my shakes and pukes, but I wasn’t drunk, but if I did a breathalyzer I would blow over and he’d have to take me to jail…he ended up just helping me get to the house I was going to crash at for the night.

What is the weirdest prank call you’ve ever made?
- I used to do a lot of prank calls and film them (This is before cell phones and caller ID) and I would just call random houses and ask if their daughter was home and if I could talk to her. It was usually pretty funny, but this one time I got talking to this one dude, he started off pissed, but then eventually started crying and telling me all about his divorce…it was pretty surreal, I was like 11…I’m pretty sure he was drunk.

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?
- I regularly eat lengua and cabeza and tripe…I don’t know, is that weird? I think I already eat some pretty far out shit for an american pallet. I don’t know…maybe Haggis was the strangest thing I have ever eaten? But it was delicious.

Look to your right. What do you see?
- A beer bottle, a water bottle, my bottles of pills, my glasses cleaner, two pairs of sunglasses, Captain America, War Machine, Raphael piggy bank, my paint brushes, my golden glass cock, my magick wand, bottles of lotion, my tarot cards, a picture frame with my friends.

Do you do your own laundry or does someone do it for you?
- People have people who do laundry for them?

What is the worst movie you’ve ever watched?
- Oh jesus…this is a hard one. I have seen so many bad movies, seriously, I am so picky when it comes to movies. But what is the worst? Well…honestly, I think that award would have to go to The Human Centipede. My best friend and I got done watching that movie and we were both legitimately pissed off.

Do you think marijuana should be legalized in all states?
- Yes.

If you’re a girl, do you prefer large or small purses?
- I’m not a girl, but in the past I have always loved it when the girls I date have large purses because it makes it WAY easier to sneak a fifth of whiskey around with you wherever you go…also, yes, I’ve made my girlfriends carry alcohol around with them for me because that’s what alcoholics do.

Do you get easily distracted?
- It’s not that I get easily distracted, it’s more that I’m just lost in my own head.

Were/are you a grade A student or a slacker?
- I was never a slacker, I just always felt like school was kind of beneath me. I did college packets to help graduate early…I also ended up graduating from an alternative school, and I was on the honor roll there.

Where was the last place you went to (other than your home)?
- My friend, Brittany’s house.

Do you have a photographic memory?
- My memory is absolutely terrible.

Are you a good tipper at restaurants?
- I can be, but I am also very critical because I’ve been in the industry for so long. I can tell if a server is just fucking up or doesn’t care, and if they don’t care I start to get really irritated and I usually tip them like shit because I don’t want to reinforce bad behavior.

What are your views on strip clubs?
- I used to work in a strip club as the drug dealer…I’m not a big fan of strip clubs anymore.

Do you have a creepy basement in your house?
- No, but I used to live in a house where my room was in the creepy basement, and it was the best.

Do you believe in ghosts?
- Yes, I have seen many ghosts in my day.

Are you neat or messy?
- I am messy.

Do you like the smell of fresh mowed grass?
- Who doesn’t?

Well…that was fun, I guess. It passed a little bit of time, and I was looking to pass some time. I don’t feel like doing much of anything today, I kind of just want to sleep the whole day away.
I think I should do that.
I think I will do that.