Things That Shouldn't Need To Be Said in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

(1) Bloody eye twitch. Still present. Of course it is. It will be, too. Until I get less stress and/or more sleep.

(2) I… was going to write my resignation letter last night. But I didn’t. Because I started my morning this morning in Ames. And I start my morning tomorrow in Court followed immediately by a meeting at the Downtown DHS Office. And I start my Monday covering an Arraignment for my boss because (in his words) “I really don’t want to do an 8:30 Monday morning Arraignment.” UGH! AND I just realized.... I will start next Tuesday in Ames! And next Wednesday with hearings! Yeah. That settles it. Monday. That is my deadline. Resignation letter completed and turned in on Monday. Not surprisingly, I’m still second guessing. Even though I am actually practically gagging for “the break.” Like… I just consider the idea that I wouldn’t have to deal with this firm anymore, and I smile. Remember when I used to smile? Like… a genuine smile has been long stricken from my face it feels and the very idea of not having to deal with this firm makes one break out on my face? That is obvious proof that leaving is the right choice. But… this is exactly how I was when I was dating my abusive ex. I know what the right decision is; I’ve made the decision; it is time to execute that decision. Buuuuut that decision will hurt or inconvenience someone else… which, for some stupid reason, is enough for me to give pause. Translation: Apparently, I think so little of myself that if doing something FOR ME causes ANYONE ELSE any level of discomfort… I’m not sure if I should do it. That is from my mother. That is directly from my mom.

(3) One problem of On-Line Counseling? What happens when the webpage goes down? My counselor asked me how I got from College to Law School and right in the middle of writing my response? Webpage goes down. HTTP Error 500. The 500 Internal Server Error is a very general HTTP status code that means something has gone wrong on the web site’s server but the server could not be more specific on what the exact problem is. I just hope the site doesn’t lose what I was writing!

(4) Another good reason to leave my firm? I have quite clearly seen the end of my “Cultural Patience” with the fucking Chinese. Kids driving illegally? Pisses me off, but I can say “Stupid kids.” Kids driving illegally and trying to make sure they don’t get into any trouble because they are international students? Pisses me off and I want to scream, “You don’t have the luxury of being an idiot.” But even worse? ALL the Domestic Violence bullshit. In China, even though (or maybe because of) it is a male dominated culture.... the women retaliate through physical violence. Intense physical violence. Then they bring that shit to the States. Victim in this DV case keeps telling us (and the police, judge, whoever will listen) that this is ‘Just normal in China.” And we keep trying to tell the person… “It is against the law here!” These are young twenty somethings.... the girl bit her boyfriend, pulled his hair, kicked him and scratched him. Both the victim and the Defendant are pissed because “this is all normal in China.” NOPE. Cultural empathy and patience is finished. First of all, violence against another person is not okay or legal in the United States, learn it and deal with it. Second of all, if an American went to China… lets be more direct. If an American from Colorado went to China and smoked a joint… he could not tell the Chinese Officials that “this is normal in Colorado.” China typically imprisons Marijuana smokers but has (reportedly) executed Drug Offenders at times. And that is for smoking pot. You kids are beating the shit out of each other. Seriously. This “But we’re Chinese” thing? Fuck. That.

As I said… another reason to get out of this job. Because before all of this? I would have balked at the idea that I would support any element of a Trump-sounding Immigration plan. BALKED! Now? Now I am very much leaning towards “If they’ve committed a crime, remove them!”