cancelling due to stimulation. *Con./TA in 2017. got it.

this again is from earlier:

so for the past 2 Sun. [actually it’s Sat. here atm]. I’ve cancelled on my mentor. due to weather, lack of finances and honestly. stimulation. Now last wk. I sent her a um text via email saying, why I’d cancelled. but this wk. [er i mean. last night] i didn’t state why. [actually last wk. it was due to bad weather. and stimulation. and um. finances.].

for once. it’s not being around her that’s the issue. [which is weird cause usually i can’t stand her.]. No it’s all the stimulation from just being out. the visual the lights the auditory [hearing] the remembering. the translating. For instance. translating the word ‘napkin’ into ‘brown square’ bc right now the word ‘napkin’ means nothing to me. the remembering what colors are on an item. [for example. wendy’s soda cup. red and white]. the possibility of photophobia [sens. to light.]. the possibility of phonophobia [sens. to sound.]. oh and of being maybe outwardly explosive. [which in some ways even though it’s not good. there’s a certain freedom there.]. and maybe the sensitivity to movement.

and the possibility of. if i do get outwardly explosive around her. her knowing something’s wrong. the headaches the nauseau. the dizziness the possibility of fainting..........and so on and so on. all bc I now have PCS and bc. of um overstimulation.

it sounds like a lot. yeah bc it is. and i just can’t add one more day to getting together w/ her. i. .........it would be too much.

also. my mom’s having family over next wk. for a not so good reason [btw both my parents are ok] and that. asking for more money would just put more on my mom so.......yeah. [and also me. remember, i don’t work.]. like as in. my mom’s having family stay, over at her house.