really? cause i sure don't feel lucky. *NI* in 2017. got it.

this is from another um......................blog. from earlier [5 a.m. atm.].:

really? cause i sure don’t feel lucky.

I’ve read that. one of the things to never say to someone w/ an NI is ‘you’re lucky to be here’. well i sure don’t feel lucky. I feel. ...........god i can’t. think of. the words. like i literally can’t.

I would give anything.right now to not feel like this. to feel. ‘normal’. to not have to actually think, consciously about what i’m doing. about my actions. about the physicalness of them. the small simple things we do each day. like physically moving around in bed. or just. physically moving. and i will have to work on this every day. bc every day most of us move. i got 3 - 6 months. so i got time to practice.

i cried um earlier. [1:40 a.m. atm]. for 10 mins. over this. i broke down on fri. night as well. [it’s mon. here atm.].

‘well ya look fine’.

yes. bc for the most part. this is what’s known as an ‘invisible illness’. but check out my eyes. check out my back. look closer. my head well........another reason to wear a hat right now. just like w/ depression. another invisible illness.

looks can be decieving. looks, fool us. looks, are what’s on the surface.

3 - 6 months. it’s just a guideline.

of course i look fine. my outside um. the exterior of me wasn’t the thing that was damaged. the parts that people can see. other things were.