It's been awhile. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I’ve been super busy lately with work, my daughter, and dealing with drama from her deadbeat Dad. I decided to unblock him and give him a chance so for the past 3 weeks he was around about 5 times and he spent the night last Friday night..I went through his phone and come to find out, he has a girlfriend that he lives with, another girl he has sex with and they have sex with couples they meet on CL. I went through his phone for about 3 hours and couldn’t believe the crazy shit he’s into.

I took him to work and messaged the girlfriend. I guess she was the one that brought him over Friday night and told her he had to watch baby so my man and I could go out. We were supposed to hang out Saturday night and I ended up at the same bar he was at but he made no effort to come over and say hi and I didn’t even see him until I was about to walk out the door. This guy is nothing but drama and I refuse to allow it into my life. I let him know that I’m done and if he wants to see her that he can take me to court. I have since blocked him and plan to start my journey to healing myself and focus on my happiness. He’s done nothing but rob me of my joy and peace of mind long enough.

I am so angry at the hurt he’s caused me but it’s now time to just put it all behind me and focus on the good. I know in my heart that I’ve given him a chance and my daughter and I are better off. He’s more worried about fucking bitches and being in a bar than he is a parent and I plan to just leave him alone and let him do his thing. I was just so upset that all of this came to light before I finally got to go out for the first time in about 2 years and it put a serious damper on my evening.

He just kept talking about how jealous I am, I want him all to myself, and I don’t want to share. Well when he’s sat there and said over and over how he wants to be a family, get moved in, get married and then I see all the crap he’s been doing not only behind my back, but other women, yeah maybe I am a tad jealous. He’s into way more shit that I ever could have imagined and I don’t plan to ever have sex with him again. I fucking told him that’s my health at risk and yet he didn’t care. He just kept repeating how jealous I was and blah blah blah…

Literally I have to be done. I now accept more than ever that nothing is ever going to work. I told him I think we should only talk about our daughter and nothing else but all he wanted to do was keep fighting and arguing. No matter how much I tried to tell him about her and how much she’s grown, he still just wanted to be a nut so I feel like if he wants to be a Dad, he can take me to court. I can’t allow his drama and toxicity to affect me anymore. I asked him numerous times if we could set up a visitation schedule so he could come over and see her a couple of times a week and never got anywhere with that either. I think I’ve gone as far as I can go with him.

On a brighter note, I do get help with childcare now and will get help paying rent for December so maybe I can start getting caught up because I have 2 bills behind and have been behind for several months. I’m able to leave her at daycare for a few extra hours on Saturday nights now so I’m able to go out and get some time for myself. I’m really happy about that because it’s so nice to get a break and not just to go to work. My Mom hasn’t been around for a little while and that bothers me too but I don’t bug. I figure if she wants to see her, she’ll get ahold of me and make it happen.

I’ve now been scheduled more hours so on Thursday’s and Friday’s I’ll go in 2 hours early. I’m excited about this because I’ll have bigger paychecks. I am so grateful that I now have daycare. It’s truly just been a damn blessing after everything I’ve been through. I don’t have to feel obligated to borrow people money anymore, bring them food, or have to get along with them. I think that some things in your life should be on a professional level instead of a personal one and this is one of them.

It’s just crazy how much my life has changed since having a baby and how differently I see the world and relationships. My priorities are my daughter, my job, and paying bills. Nothing else matters. Deadbeat said to me the other day that I’m just mad that he has 80* more freedom than I have but he doesn’t understand that I actually care about being a parent and I take it very seriously. I like being with her everyday and watching her grow. He doesn’t understand about being a parent and what it actually takes. He’s done nothing but talk shit to me since we started talking and that’s another reason why I blocked him.

I really don’t think I’m as bad a person has he’s tried to make me think I am. I truly believe that we’ve brought out the worst in each other and we are all better off without any contact. He’s given me $100 for daycare and that’s it. They are probably gonna start garnishing his wages anytime now. I’m just glad that I have help paying for daycare and then once I start getting CS, I’m just going to bank it and spend it on her when needed. I’m just ready for the nightmare with this person to come to an end. I honestly thought I was doing a good thing by putting my walls down and allowing him to be in our lives but it just brought a lot of drama and hurt.

Anyways, I’m gonna hang out with baby before we have to get ready to go.