Summer of 2011 in Open Diary

DISCLAIMER: This entry was originally posted on Open Diary. I had written an entry here on Prosebox and linked it to this particular entry on OD. With the demise of OD, I transferred the entry to here and re-linked it to the previous entry here on PB.

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THE BEGINNING .................................................. Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Wow. Has it really been almost 7 months since I last wrote? Apparently so. No wonder I am the way I am lately. I've got all this crap on my shoulders and I haven't bothered to unload it on here like I normally do. Oops. My bad. lol

Obviously I won't be able to unload all in one entry. OD doesn't give enough characters in one entry lol but I'll try my best to get you all caught up in a timely fashion. Hush! I said I would try! lol

So when I last wrote I talked about Hubby being gone and what I had been doing to keep myself occupied in the meantime. My mother eventually got a car. Actually one was given to her. Which is great for her. Unfortunately it has no A/C so 100+ temps is no joy ride for her. Especially when the driver door window does not roll down. But hey, free is free and you can't look a gift horse in the mouth. Unless, of course, you are my mother. Then you can bitch and moan about it. And try to make everyone feel guilty about it. The window is much cheaper to fix than the A/C ... but nah, let's just bitch and moan about it instead. Because it is our fault your car was repossessed and you couldn't afford to get a new (used) one. And a family member gave you their old one, out of the kindness of their heart, for FREE, but it isn't perfect for you.

My Dad's radiation was not a success. It didn't change anything. And he refuses to talk about it. So now we play the waiting game ...

At the end of April, my friend Tasha was arrested. It was one of the most surreal moments of my life to say the least. To make a long story short, she had left her house after both her kids (age 3 & 6) were sound asleep to run to a neighbor's house around the corner. When she got back home her 3 yr. old daughter was outside, in a neighbor's arms, crying her eyes out. According to the neighbor, she had been gone over 30 mins. & he had called the SP's (military police). Now, I have to admit that a LOT of people in this base housing area have a habit of leaving kids sleeping in bed while they run the older ones to the school. I don't know any who leave the kids to go off base or out of housing but I have seen them missing a kid or 2 on the way to school. I don't condone that. I don't disagree with it either. I only have the 1 child so I can't say what I would do in that situation. But yeah, it's probably not the smartest thing to do. Anyway, the daughter had woken up & went outside to look for Mommy & couldn't find her. When she went to go back in she had locked herself out of the house & then started crying. The neighbor heard her. So the SP's show up & then the local police show up & next thing she knew, she was being handcuffed & carried to the local jail. At her bond hearing the next day, the judge must have been in a bad mood & charged her with 2 counts child neglect (1 for each child) at $25K per count. And apparently I was the only phone number she could remember so I had to listen to her cry when she called me. So, to shorten this, She went in on Monday night & was released on bond at 9:30 Thurs night. In the meantime, her 2 kids were put into foster care because her husband was TDY in Iraq. So they had to wait for him to come in from "the field" so they could tell him & then put him on a plane. He finally got home at 5:30 on Mon. (7 days after her arrest.) In that meantime, she didn't want to go home to an empty house (who could blame her?!) when she was released on Thurs so she came to stay with me. Oh, and I almost forgot, they even took the family cat to the ASPCA when they removed her & the kids. So Audra spent 2 days trying to locate the cat & we went & "sprung the cat from jail" on Thurs also. It cost $65 to get that cat out! But we didn't want the kids to lose the cat on top of everything else they had gone through. So I had both Tasha and the cat from when she was released until her husband got home. I've never had to deal with a friend or anyone I knew going to jail. I dated a guy (not seriously) who went to jail & I did go visit him once but I wasn't attached to the situation like I was this. And I've never known anyone to lose their kids like that either. Needless to say, it took a very strong emotional toll on me. I'm happy to report that all charges were dropped and the DSS case was dismissed & they got the kids back & their life did return to normal. But dayum. I don't want to go through anything like that again. Not in this lifetime anyway lol.

The Child. What can I say? The Child is The Child. She still keeps me on my toes. Right now I am barely running neck and neck with her. I gave up trying to stay one step ahead of her. Now I'm doing my all to keep even with her lol. As most of you on Facebook know, she put me through the ringer over the summer. I'm still amazed I survived. Not fully intact but damnit! I survived! lol

So for those of you not on my Facebook, here is what happened ... School got out on June 2. June 6, she started day camp. Hubby's parents & I arranged for them to take The Child June 12 - 26 so she could spend some time with them. Usually it is only for a week but those of you who don't remember, last summer Hubby's grandfather passed away the night she got there & Hubby & I had to drive up the next day. So she "lost" that week of being with them on her own (without us). So she had asked if she could stay 2 weeks to make up for the lost week last summer. Anyway, sometime on June 9,she pulled a muscle in the back of her leg at day camp. She started complaining about it that evening. I gave her Tylenol & told her to keep moving it or else it would hurt worse. The next day I took her to the dentist for her 6 month cleaning and check up. Then I dropped her off at day camp. She was still complaining about her leg but I told her more or less to suck it up & keep walking on it. She ended up calling me a few hours later to come get her because it was hurting too bad. So I did. I had her alternate between Tylenol & Ibuprofen. She didn't want to walk on it. She didn't want to move it. She was being her usual dramatic self about it. So on Sat. (June 11) I told her we weren't going to Wytheville, Va to meet up with the grandparents since her leg hurt too bad. She begged me & pleaded with me to let her go. So I told her she needed to prove to me she was able to go. So we get on the road about 1pm. We get to Wytheville, Va and she only wants to lay in the bed, they get there & I explain what all is going on with her. We go to sleep & wake up the next morning at 5 with her throwing up. Apparently Claritin & Motrin don't mix well on an empty stomach. So anyway, I get her in the tub & get her cleaned up but she is just getting worse about her leg. At around 10 am, I make the decision to take her to the local ER to get a muscle relaxer & something stronger than the Tylenol or Motrin so she'll shut the hell up & they can get on the road back to Ohio and I can head back to SC kid free & hubby free for the next 2 weeks.

Imagine my surprise when we get there, and they are doing triage, that she has a 103.8 fever & a heart rate of 160. My first reaction was that their equipment was broken & I told the guy he needed to get a new machine. Because, there was no way I was gonna believe she had a high fever like that. Her skin was cool to the touch! Only her forehead was warm & I just figured that was from the exertion of walking into the ER on her leg. Besides, how does a mother NOT know her kid is sick and/or running a fever? So then, they take her back & draw blood and within minutes they come back to let us know her white blood cell count is through the roof. By then I'm panicking and walking around muttering WTF? What the hell is happening here? Then they do an x-ray of the knee area & it comes back showing fluid around the knee. Then the Dr. comes in and tells me that they don't have anyone specialized to handle her care and where would I like for her to be transferred to? WTF? Excuse me, I don't live here. I live in freakin' SC - 6 hours down the road. I have no clue what is around here. So he told me not to worry, that he'd have her transferred to the nearest hospital that could accommodate her care. Again with the WTF? What are you not telling me Doc? You are making a pulled muscle sound so damn serious and much more than just a pulled muscle! So he comes back in to let me know he found a hospital that has excellent pediatric Dr.'s who can handle her care ... at Wake Forest Community Baptist Hospital ... in Winston-Salem, NC ... a friggin' hour and a half down the road! Are you effin' kidding me? THAT'S the closest available? So I asked him when would I need to have her there by because I have to be honest and admit that I was still convinced it was just a pulled muscle and I was still concerned with getting her well & to Ohio in the quickest fashion possible. And that is when he informed me that she would be transported by ambulance. So then my panic went up a notch & I started freaking out about my car and how I couldn't leave it in one state and not be able to get back to it from another state (I know, totally irrational behavior on my part to be concerned about a car but denial can make a person irrational!)and that my child, my baby, my LIFE couldn't ride in that ambulance for an hour & a half by herself!! Are you nuts! She's only 9!!! So, bless her heart, my Mother-In-Law, without skipping a beat, said she would ride with her so I could drive the car to where we were going. That helped relieve my stress a tiny fraction. My baby wouldn't be scared and alone. She'd at least have Grandma there to hold her hand and comfort her and make her feel safe since I was not able to.

This was her while we were waiting on transport ...

So then the Special Transport Ambulance showed up & started prepping her for the trip. Oh my God that was so hard to watch and try to convince her at the same time that her & Grandma were going on an adventure and all would be ok and all the crap parents tell their kids to keep them calm & from worrying.

It's funny now to think back on it but at the time I was dead serious ... you should have seen me begging the ambulance driver to please not lose me enroute. The hospital had printed me out a Google map just to be on the safe side but I was so scared I wouldn't be able to keep up with the ambulance. I think that was my biggest fear - as long as I could keep my eyes on her, I knew she was safe - but I was scared if I couldn't see her (or at least the back of the ambulance) my mind would take over & I would start assuming the worse case scenario's. I begged that man for all I was worth! Then they had her loaded and I pulled up behind them while the ambulance called in to dispatch.

And then we were off. In the rain. With me behind the ambulance with the sirens wailing and the lights flashing. And my hazards flashing. And prayers. Lots and lots of prayers. Of course I got separated from the ambulance at the very first light coming out of the hospital. We had red but obviously the ambulance, with flashing lights & sirens, got to go through & when I tried to follow behind it, cars cut me off so I had to sit & wait for it to turn green. By then the ambulance was already on the interstate. Luckily my MIL called me from her cell phone to tell me where to turn & let me know that the driver had reduced his speed & through the grace of God, I was able to catch up to the ambulance by going 90mph, weaving in & out & around cars, in the pouring down rain. I kept my eye on the light (lights of the ambulance) and I just went. I think back now & am amazed that I didn't wreck or cause an accident because in all honesty, I had no business whatsoever being behind the wheel of a car. Especially when it was raining. When that ambulance went through the light & I couldn't follow my heart dropped and all I could think of was that I just lost my daughter and I may never get her back. How was I going to explain to her father, my husband, who is thousands of miles away in Korea, that I lost our daughter. And cry, my Lord but I couldn't stop crying. And shaking. But like I said, through the Grace of God, I caught up to the ambulance and I never let it out of my site again.

Even when we got into Winston-Salem and we had to get off one interstate to get onto another and there was an 18 wheeler broke down at the top of the off-ramp and traffic was backed up onto the first interstate. I went right behind the ambulance going around cars. And then the ambulance had to go to the left of the 18 wheeler to get onto the new interstate & other cars were trying to do the same but they stopped to let the ambulance go. And then the car next in line to go tried to cut me off & not let me pass him. I laid on my horn & rolled my passenger window down and yelled as loud as I could through his rolled up window, "THAT IS MY DAUGHTER IN THE BACK OF THAT AMBULANCE! YOU NEED TO STOP AND LET ME PASS! THAT IS MY DAUGHTER DAMNIT!!!!" I guess his wife, who was sitting in the passenger seat, understood what I was saying and put her hand on his arm & I saw her mouth the words stop, and I was finally able to go around the 18 wheeler and catch up to the ambulance. And then we got to the 2nd hospital of the day.

So we get to Wake Forest Community Baptist Hospital, and we pull into the ambulance bay. Of course people start looking at me like I'm crazy. So as I'm getting out a man comes walking up to me and before he even has a chance to say a word, I start saying, "My daughter is in the back of that ambulance. She is only 9. Please let me leave my car here till I find out where they are taking her & then I'll come right back out to move it I promise. Please." And he looks at me and smiles and says, "I'll do you one better Ma'am. I'm a valet parker & if you just give me your name I'll take care of the rest for you." Talk about a huge sigh of relief! Although, again I realize just how stupid I can be when under extreme duress, at the time, my car was the least of my worries. So I gave him my name, handed him my keys (the whole set!) & took off after The Child. As we go through the doors, a few of the staff behind the counter get up & start walking over to us & one Lady says, "Is this the septic knee?" Now I know that she had no way of knowing so I can't like punch her in the throat, but I could at least pop her for scaring another 10 years off my life. Because I grew up with a nurse. I know what septic means. My child is not effin' dying bitch! Don't give up on her before she has fully come through the doors! Gah! So anyway another person is telling the ambulance driver to come this way & I'm trying to follow and another person is stopping me telling me I need to fill out paperwork. I looked at her and said, "Are you serious? Can I not find out which room they are putting my child in first?" And she was like, "It's ok Ma'am. I'll take you to her as soon as we are done." So since MIL was with The Child, I was a big girl & did as I was told. But the woman was new. And she didn't fully know the computer program she was using. And I, not so politely mind now, and not in an indoor voice, ask her if there was someone more experienced who could do her job because I didn't have time to wait on her; either let's get the job done now or she could hunt me down later.

So we get it all done & I'm taken to her room & there are sooooo many people in the room & the ambulance driver is giving the case history and one person is drawing blood and one person is trying to look at the back of her leg & she is screaming in agony & one person is trying to get the IV transferred from the ambulance bed to her bed & and one person is doing this and one person is doing that and oh my goodness I thought I was going to go nuts! I kinda wanted to yell for everyone to stop because they weren't helping her, they were only scaring her more but I was good & kept my mouth shut. So then a med student came in & I had to repeat the story to him. She started complaining at this time that she was hungry but he said we had to wait until they decided what was going to happen. He examined her and then left. Then a resident came in & I had to repeat the story to him. He examined her and then left. Then the Dr. came in & I had to repeat the story to her. She examined her and then left. A while later the med student came in and said they were conferring with the Pediatric Surgeon (who was at home because it was Sunday evening) and they were trying to decide if they wanted to do a CT scan of the knee or an MRI. Either one they wanted to avoid because of the radiation factor. Then the female Dr. decided to order an ultrasound on the knee. So the actual Radiologist (not a tech) came in & did the ultrasound. Apparently that was not enough for them so they decided to do the MRI. At least I didn't have to force the contrast down her throat for the CT scan. But still. An MRI ... on a 9 year old ...for a pulled muscle ...

Here she is getting "prepped" for the MRI

Then I had to sit in their waiting room for an hour while they did the MRI. We got to the 2nd hospital at 4:30 and it is 10:00 when she is done with the MRI. And she is complaining that she is starving. And they are still telling her she has to wait.

How sad is this picture? My heart was breaking for her ...

So we get back to the ER room. And we wait. And we wait some more. And we wait some more. And then they come in to tell me that the MRI showed the infection. However it was not in a pool, or one central location to where they can stick a needle in & withdraw it but instead it is all mixed in with tissue and muscle, sort of like how a sponge absorbs liquid. So they were going to admit her & the Chief of Pediatric Surgery would meet with us in the morning. We finally get to her room around midnight. And she is still starving and they still won't let her have so much as a sip of water. At 1am MIL & I go back to the ER valet area to find out where my car is so that we can get our overnight bags. Pretty bad when you don't even know where your car is. For all I knew that guy could have lied to me & stole my car. But at the time I.didn't.care. So we find a guy & he gives me the keys & we get our stuff & I take just the car key back to him because hello! I'm not going anywhere tonight lol. Then we go smoke a cigarette. Throughout the ordeal MIL & I would take turns to go make phone calls & have a cigarette because we didn't want The Child to be left alone. So here it is 1:30 in the morning. Oh and we are starving also because we promised The Child that if she couldn't eat, we wouldn't eat. I hope one day she will understand and forgive us but we had to get something in our stomachs. Neither one of us had had anything to eat since 9pm on Sat. night. So we found a coffee shop in the hospital that was open till 3 am & got a sandwich. We knew we had to keep our strength up for all the Dr.'s and all the information they were giving us. We got back to the room about 2:15 and she was sleeping (thank God for morphine!). I told MIL she could have the little couch to sleep on. I tried to rest in the chair but it was old & squeaked real bad & one of the legs was shorter than the others and my legs kept sticking to the fake leather and it was just over all very uncomfortable. So I ended up on the floor next to the couch.

Now I should back up and let you all know that from the minute we walked into the first hospital in Wytheville, Va, I was sending Hubby messages via FB to keep him up to date on all that we were doing (thanks again to God for my iPhone!). And of course each update was worse than the previous. So here it is 3 am on Monday and I still haven't had a reply back from him. I sent the first one at 11:10 am on Sunday. And my nerves. Oh man my nerves. I was a basket case. I couldn't sit still to save my life. I kept going for walks around the hospital and outside to the gas station where the smoking area was. Her nurse asked me one time if I was ok & I flat out told her no I was not ok but as long as I kept busy & kept walking, I had a fighting chance. So they put up with me ringing the buzzer every so often to get back in.

In the meantime, at 3:30 am I finally heard from Hubby. Now if you are a Military Wife you understand that the mission comes first. I fully believe in the "need to know basis" because you don't want to jeopardize the mission your spouse is on in another country. So although I was updating Hubby, and I didn't lie to him, I didn't give him the full scenario of the situation. I played it off as, "Oh, she's fine. It's really no big deal. We'll know more tomorrow after talking to the Dr." kinda thing. Hubby is a Drama King & he makes mountains out of mole hills. And even though I played it down as much as I could, he still went into a panic. Especially because he only read the last update I sent before contacting me instead of going through & reading ALL the updates I had been sending. He's asking if she is gonna lose her leg - which by the way that thought never once crossed my mind but thank you so very NOT much for putting that idea into my head asshole and giving me more to stress about!; and he's wanting to know if he needs to come home and I'm telling him no, not at this time but I promise if you are needed, if I personally don't contact you, Red Cross will & we'll have you on the first plane to NC. So more or less I had to play his nurse maid and keep him calm. By this time it is 24 hours I've been awake and going strong and I've had 1/2 a sandwich. So at 5:30 I finally get him to let me get some sleep (as if! lol). I go for one last walk to try to settle my nerves (yeah, like that could actually happen!) come back to the room, get curled up in a blanket, on the cold tile floor, and lay my head down next to MIL's feet on the couch.

At 6:10 am the Chief of Pediatric Surgery & a bunch of his med students come in for morning rounds. Are you freakin' kidding me? 6:10 in the morning? I had just laid my head down. Ugh! Anyway, he asks me to repeat the story to him so I do (by this time I want to put it all on a sticky note and staple it to my forehead!!!). Then they examine her & get her to screaming bloody murder again. And they bring out Mama Bear in me & it was so hard not to go ballistic on them. I understood that this was a teaching hospital, and they have to learn somehow, but do it with someone else's child, NOT MINE! She is not a friggin' lab rat! They were circled all around her bed like vultures and it was pissing me off something fierce. I'm sure the 25+ hours of no sleep wasn't helping any but still. Back away from my child! So they step out of the room and then come back in & inform me that they have decided to do surgery sometime after lunch on her leg.

And then it hits me. I mean, finally, fully hits me .... it is not a pulled muscle. This is something more serious than a pulled muscle. There is an infection in her leg and they have no idea what it is. Is it staph? Is it MRSA? What is it? And they can't remove it without doing surgery. Because it is all mixed in her tissue & muscle. They can't just stick a needle in to get it out of her leg. And her fever won't come down. And her heart rate won't come down. If they don't do the surgery, and not knowing specifically what it is, she could die from it. This strange and foreign infection in her leg, can kill her if they don't act fast. And they don't know what antibiotic(s) to put her on because certain infections don't react to certain antibiotics so the best they can do is put her on 3 different high potent, top dollar, antibiotics that together can eliminate up to 85% of all infections it could possibly be. But what about the other 15%?

Now I should back up and fill you in on an important little detail I have left out up until now. What had everyone concerned about her leg and this mysterious infection is this: there was no bug bite, no sore, no open wound anywhere on her body. And we searched from her scalp to the bottom of her feet for any sign of entry. And nothing was found. There was no explanation, no visible sign of HOW this infection got into her body, much less her leg! She was THE medical mystery of the day, week, month, the whole damn hospital! They even brought in 2 (two) Infectious Disease Doctor's because they had no clue what they were dealing with.

Around 9 am they all come back in while the ID Dr's are in the room examining The Child. This is when they decide to tell me about the surgery; what all it entails; what all they will be doing and how they will be doing it. They then proceeded to tell me to be prepared for her, The Child, my flesh and blood, to come out of the surgery with missing tissue, missing muscle and possibly missing bone because the MRI didn't show just how deep down the infection is. And with that being said, we would be looking at months of recovery with skin grafting surgeries (to replace the missing skin tissue) and physical therapy and they could not promise she would be able to walk the same on that leg afterwards. Oh. my. God. I don't think I can even begin to describe what was going through my head at the time. Or even my heart. All I could do was cry at this point. I couldn't even look at my child because I didn't want her to see my fear or my guilt. And then this damn Asian Dr. in the group comes up to me and says, "Why you cry? We fix her. Surgery will be good." Uh excuse me? Are you a mother? Obviously not or else you wouldn't ask such an asinine question jerk! And for the love of God, you are in America! Speak fluent English! Not broken up, half sentences! Then he whips out this sheet of paper and starts going over all the information on it to me. What they were doing; why they were doing it; how they were doing it; what to expect after the surgery. Then he started going over all the pro's and con's of the surgery. And then he had me read the sentence that states I understand that my child could die on the operating table from any number of different complications. For real? Are you serious? I understand ? Hell NO I don't understand! I don't even understand how it went from a pulled muscle to how the damn infection got in her leg in the first place and you want me to UNDERSTAND that my child could go into surgery a living, breathing, beautiful, whole child and then come out at best missing half of her leg or at worst dead; a corpse; no longer a part of this world? Show me one friggin' person in this universe who could understand that shit! And then I had to sign the damn piece of paper, giving consent for the surgery. I swear to God it felt like I was signing her to her death. I have never, ever been so scared in my entire life. I would gladly go through all the physical, emotional, sexual abuse I suffered as a child 100 times over than sign another consent form like that ever again. I don't think I will ever be able to get that moment, that fear, out of my head till the day I die.

And through all this I still found the inner strength to hold my head high and to offer comfort to my daughter. Because if I was this scared, Lord only knows how many times worse it was for her! Bless her heart, all she knew was that she was on her way to Grandma & Papaw's for 2 weeks to have the summer of her life. It was all she could think of, dream of, for months. And then BAM! She's in a strange hospital in a different state. And she's starving and no one will let her eat or even have ice chips to munch on. And she just wants to know when can she leave so she can still go to Ohio. It was so hard to answer her questions when I didn't have the answers. All I could tell her was that she needed to have the surgery to get the infection out so that her fever would go down so that she could be discharged. Then we would discuss going to Grandma's. I had to keep repeating to her over and over again that we would cross each and every bridge as we got to them, but that we could only cross one bridge at a time and some of them would be longer than other's to cross. But we WOULD cross them one way or another. Of course the morphine didn't help her to understand what I was saying lol but at least it gave her relief from the pain - as long as they didn't touch or move the leg. Damn nosey Doctors! lol

And the guilt. That is something that will weigh heavy on my heart forever. Realistically I know it was not my fault. I know that. BUT I have to wonder what would have happened if I had went about it all differently from the get go. Maybe I should have taken her to the Dr. on Friday. Maybe I should never have driven to Wytheville, Va on Sat. and instead took her to a Dr. then. Even though there were NO symptoms other than what I thought was a pulled muscle. Maybe if I hadn't been so selfish in wanting her to go to Ohio so I could get 2 weeks kid and hubby free, I might have been more willing to be an "over reactive mother who takes her kid to the ER for the sniffles or in her case, for a pulled muscle". Realistically I know if I had, they would have sent her home with a muscle relaxer & then I would have waited for things to get worse (not knowing at the time that they would get worse) & then taken her back & then it would have been a lot worse ... and so yes I know the way I handled it was in a way any other parent would have. All the Dr.'s told me time and again that this was through no fault of my own; I did what they themselves would have done in the same situation. But I still can't help but feel guilt that my child had to suffer. Surely there was something I could have done differently to prevent all this?

So back to the story ... the surgeons had ordered an ultrasound to be done before the surgery. Around 2pm transport came to get her to take her down to have that done. The "transport" person either hadn't taken her much needed pharmaceuticals that day or she needed to be prescribed some because she was something else. She argued with the nurses. She mumbled to herself. She told one RN she needed to go back to school. I seriously did not like this woman. By this time they had put The Child on oxygen because her level kept dropping to 70. So this woman was trying to get the oxygen tank attached to the bed but it could only be done a certain way & because she hadn't been told prior to arrival that The Child was on oxygen, she didn't bring the bed for one. And apparently there are rules to how an oxygen tank can be transported and oh my god I wanted to rip hair out ... mine, hers, the nurses, anyone! During all this mess, Surgeon #2 (she had so many different Dr.'s I couldn't remember names so I gave them numbers instead) came in to do another exam. By this time The Child is beyond distraught. Between the pain, the fever, the confusion of what was happening to her and where she was, and this damn transport woman hollering left & right, The Child was just in a bad place. So Surgeon #2 said, "Ok we can't wait any longer. Take her to the OR now. We are doing the surgery now. She obviously can't wait any longer." So then the nurses were saying, "But she's on her way to ultrasound." So he told them to cancel that and take her straight to OR. So then we had to wait on crazy transport woman to call her supervisor to let that person know that the orders had changed and was it ok to proceed to the OR. Are you effin' kidding me? Give me my child & I will push her there myself. I told the head nurse that if that woman came near my child again after she gets to surgery, I would file a formal complaint. I didn't want her crazy ass on the same floor as I was on much less near my kid.

So we get to the OR and then the headache of filling out more forms, and answering more questions, and explaining why we were there and yadayadayada began. Then the anesthesia people came in (and there were 2 of them! Do people not know how to do things with less than 2 people anymore??) and I had to fill out their paperwork and answer their questions and keep The Child calm and talk in code around her and use hidden hand signals and for the love of God people can you just leave me the hell alone so I can have a freakin' nervous breakdown already? Come on already! I'm going on 35 hours of no sleep, I have a massive headache and am nauseous from only having 1/2 a sandwich in the past 48 hours, I'm stressed beyond my abilities, and I'm looking at my child's leg thinking this is the last time I will ever see it whole again and you want me to tell you what she is allergic to? Look at her effin' wrist bracelet and it will tell you what the eff she is allergic to! Gah! But I kept it together and didn't skip a beat in front of her. And then they put the medicine in her port and she fell asleep as they were rolling her into the operating room trying to say the words, "I love you too Mommy" but she didn't finish saying them because she had already gone to sleep. And I was so scared. I was so so scared I'd never see her again or hear her tell me she loved me. I was just so scared.

So we go check in at the desk in the waiting area for family members of surgery patients. We go outside to call and text everyone to give a status update and have a cigarette. All I could do was cry. My poor MIL was a saint through it all. I truly believe I would not have survived if she had not been by my side the entire time. As long as I had The Child around me, I kept it together and was strong. But when she went into surgery, and I didn't have her to help keep me strong, I crumbled. Anyway, after about 20 mins. my phone rings and it is a nurse involved with the surgery calling to let me know that so far everything was going as planned and there were no complications and that the surgeon had just made the first incision and she would continue to call me with updates. Oh, I forgot to mention, we were told the operation would take hours; not sure how many because that would depend on how far spread the infection was, but it would take a while. So I thanked her & we hung up & I cried some more. I finally pulled myself together & we went back in to the family waiting area with the hopes that by being in a public setting, I would be able to better control my emotions. I guess it was right at an hour from when they took The Child into surgery, we hear our family name called & to please report to such and such place. That was the hardest walk of my life. I literally didn't know what to think, how to feel, what to expect. I was just numb I guess is the best way to describe it. I was confused over the time frame because it had only been an hour when we were told to expect longer ... so what did that mean?

So the surgeon is waiting for us when we get there. Immediately he informed me that The Child was just fine and had come through the surgery with flying colors. Which yes was a huge relief but I needed to hear it all before I could breathe again. The he told us that when he made the very first incision on the back of her leg above the knee, (And I can only give the credit to God and praise God for directing the surgeons hand to the right place at the right time) it was right next to a -his words not mine- puss pocket so they were able to remove the infection with a syringe and send it off to be cultured. After removing the puss, he examined the tissue and muscle and everything looked very healthy and there was no sign of the infection having damaged any of it. So they did NOT remove any tissue or muscle. And to be cautious and play it safe, he made another incision below the knee to check for any signs of infection or damage and found none. And again to be cautious and play it safe, they inserted a drain tube in each incision so that any infection left behind in the deeper muscles would be able to drain out of her leg. Then he told us that the drain tubes would remain in for at least 6 days and that she would have to soak in a bath tub twice a day for 20 mins. each time to help with the drainage and the healing. And as long as her fever went away and her white blood cell count returned to normal she should be able to go home Sun or Mon. And she would have to start physical therapy in the hospital & maintain it when she got home. Talk about THE miracle of all miracles! I couldn't have prayed for a better outcome. I asked him how come the MRI didn't show the puss pocket & he said that the best he could guess was that it was still so early in the infection developing that it hadn't had time to develop into a pool yet at the time of the MRI & that is why it was showing it all mixed in the tissue & muscle. So I made the comment that had she had the ultrasound prior to the surgery chances are it would have been seen on that & then they probably could have bypassed the surgery altogether & just inserted a needle to withdraw the infection? He said there was no point in going back & wondering what if. All that mattered was that the infection had been removed, with no damage done to her leg, and she would have a complete 100% back to normal recovery. I personally give all the credit to God. There is no other explanation in my eyes. God took care of my child. So he then told us to have a seat & that when she was awake & ready to be transported back to her room, they would call us.

So we'd been sitting there about 10 mins. & I hear my name called over the loud speaker & to please go to telephone such & such. So I pick up the phone & it is admissions. For real? We've been in the hospital for over 24 hours and you just NOW want to do this paperwork? My Child just came out of surgery & you just now want my insurance information? Are you kidding me? So I give her all the info and go sit back down. And we wait. And we wait some more. Then my cell phone starts ringing. I answer it. It is a nurse letting me know that The Child is back in her room safe & sound & is asking for me. WTF? Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK? What do you mean she is in her room? No, we were told I would be called as soon as she woke up, because I requested to be there so that I would be the first person she saw when she woke up & not some damn stranger, and you are telling me that you have already taken her up 8 floors withOUT me? How did that happen? You tell my daughter Mommy loves her & I will be there as soon as I can. Then I cussed & ranted & raved all the way to the elevators; while waiting on the elevator; on the ride up in the elevator; while waiting for them to open the doors to get into the ward & all the way to her room. Once I stepped into her room & I saw her laying there & she smiled at me & said, "Hi Mommy.", my heart melted and I lost my mad. How could I not? In a very pleasant tone of voice I still gave that nurse a what for & let her know how upset I was & someone had a lot of explaining to do to me to make this right. But for the sake of my daughter, I dropped it.

Her leg with the drain tubes. The one below the knee is laying on the white towel ...

They eventually brought her some food around 6:30. Over 48 hours since she had last eaten or had anything to drink. While she was eating MIL & I went down to the cafeteria before it closed to get something to eat ourselves. And then to make phone calls & send texts with the latest updates. By the time we got back to the room, she was in rare form. The anesthesia had worn off and I guess it was time for her morphine and there was nothing on TV she wanted to watch and OMG she was just a grumpy mess. When the nurse came in to give her the morphine, she's yelling she doesn't want it. I looked over at the nurse & gave her hand signals that said if she didn't give my child her morphine, I would! lol So once that kicked in The Child was good to go.

Around 11 MIL finally crashed & I finally crashed close to mid-night. It was like 42 hours since I had last slept. My body was flat out wore out. The nurses were nice and had found a recliner to bring into the room for us since the other chair was not the greatest & it didn't lay back. Of course every time the nurse came in to do her vitals or change out her antibiotic bags or whatever, I was awake. It really is a shame that they can't get everything on the same schedule instead of 1 thing & then come back 2 hours later to do another thing & so on. And then 2 nurses had come in around 3:30 am to get The Child to use the bed pan because she hadn't gone since before her surgery. It took a while & she was scared they'd cath her but she finally got it to come out. Of course I pretended as though I were still asleep so that she wouldn't start her drama issues. It really, really frustrated me how as long as I wasn't around or she thought I wasn't paying her any attention, she would do what was neccessary. But as soon as that changed, she turned into a tempermental 2 year old. Ugh!

And of course the surgeon & his team of students came in at 6:10 again. Gah! Why won't they let people sleep in a hospital if rest is the number 1 prescribed medicine? I couldn't tell if I felt worse when I went to sleep or when I woke up.

They brought The Child's breakfast in & she was not happy with it. Well I'm sorry. They never gave us a menu to choose your food from so this is just what they sent up. Don't get mad at me! So I went to the cafeteria and bought her some pancakes for $5. And she never ate them. I could tell by her mood we would not have a fun day.

For the 9 am rounds, Surgeon #1 said he wanted her to move the leg in the bath & he said she could walk on it if she wanted to & if not that was ok too. Her throat was real sore from the tube they put in during the surgery which we knew about so she'd try to play the I can't because my throat is sore card but we wouldn't allow that to be an answer or an excuse. The Dr. ordered an echocardiograph which gave me yet another scare. Her heart. There could be the possibility the infection came from her heart. Come on people! How much more can one family take? There could even be the possibility that the infection in her leg could have spread to her heart.

The ID Dr.'s come in (Infectious Disease)to examine her and let me know how the cultures were growing. We were still going to have to wait till Wed. evening to find out exactly what the infection was but so far it was nothing life threatening. And again I had to go over everything with them from the beginning. Hell, we reviewed everything 6 months prior to this & they were still stumped. But hopefully soon we'd have answers.

About 11, I go down to the nurse's station to find out just when they plan on giving her the first bath? I mean the surgeon was only here 2 hours ago expecting it to be done soon after his departure ya know. So the nurse's come back to do that. Yeah, that was a disaster from the get go. Her Lortab (they had switched her during the night from the morphine) had worn off & she was refusing another dose of it. I kept trying to tell the nurse to do it anyway. But The Child kept hollering & putting up a fight about it so I decided to teach her a lesson. She found out what happens when she doesn't get her pain medicine AND she still has to take a bath. To make a long story short, I ended up having to leave the room. Hell I ended up having to leave the floor period because I could hear her screaming at the nurses all the way down the hall. She put up a hell of a fight for them. They ended up getting a 3rd nurse to come in & help. But they did finally get her in the tub for her 20 min. soak. Then they had to get her out lol. All in all, from start to finish, it took them just over 2 hours to get her bath soak done. And I was sitting in the hallway outside the door for the last hour & a half of it. When the Dr.'s had left, they told me it was all looking good and that physical therapy would soon be in to get started on that part of her aftercare. By the time it was all said & done she went straight to sleep from sheer exhaustion.

Getting her back to her bed after the bath ...

A while later someone show's up with the machine to do the echocardiogram. Of course The Child was still wore out from her bath ordeal & the Lortab was still working it's magic (because she finally accepted it lol) so she actually slept through the whole thing.

Here is a couple of pics I took ...

Then a female Chaplin came into visit. At the time I did not realize just how alone we were, in a strange city, in a strange state. With no family (other than the 3 of us) and no friends to offer physical support. I won't lie to you, well wishes on Facebook & through text messages, & even phone calls were nice, but just weren't the same ... or enough. Also I can tell you, I did not realize just how much I was missing my Preacher & my Church Family until her & I got to talking. It did my soul good to sit with her & pray with her.

Shortly after, her temp went back up to 101.3 & then her O2 level dropped to 72 (it needed to be in high 90's) so they put her back on the oxygen.

My MIL was on her break during the Chaplin's visit so when she got back, it was my turn for a break. While I am gone the cardiologist team came back in to do a chest x-ray & an EKG. For something that started out as a pulled muscle, this sure was not ending good. But praise again to God, there was no infection in the heart. The leg infection did not start in the heart nor did it end up there. The only thing the echo showed was that the right side of her heart works a little harder than the left side. Which they said that could be perfectly normal for her so therefore no follow up was needed nor recommended.

The rest of the afternoon/evening was uneventful. She had dinner, we went & had dinner. She never did get her 2nd bath. And the physical therapist had shown up during the chest x-ray but said she would return later but then we didn't see her again. And none of that dawned on me until right before I fell asleep lol. After the bath ordeal I made sure that when the nurse came in to give the pain medicine, she never told The Child what she was doing. Obviously The Child had an aversion to the pain med so as long as she didn't know she was getting it, she couldn't put up a fuss. I'm a damn sneaky Mama lol.

And when I say uneventful, I meant except when she was having to do breathing exercises during commercials. Her oxygen level was still low, even on the oxygen, & they said that sometimes happens after a surgery, the lungs have a hard time expanding to full capacity. Which is exactly what the chest x-ray showed. So she had to put this tube in her mouth, suck in as hard as she could till this little ball raised up to a level the Dr. wanted her to be at & then let it out. Repeat 10 times each commercial break. Yeah, girlfriend was not down with that. But we gave her no choice so it got done.

Oh and this was the night that MIL & I finally got to take a shower.

So, about the showers. Heaven. Pure Heaven. Unless you want to subtract points for having to use The Child's 2-n-1 watermelon shampoo ... and blueberry scented body wash ... and having no razor to shave with ... and not having any clean clothes to put on ... and having to put used underwear, turned inside out, back on ... cause yeah, that's all we had.

WTF? you ask? Yeah, so here's the story. Our original plans were to drive to Wytheville, Va, spend the night, get up the next morning and go our separate ways. But then those plans got changed, well the plans of going our separate ways anyway lol. So I had packed The Child for 2 weeks. I myself packed for one night. Same as The In-Laws. So my MIL & I had the clothes we wore on Sat. to Wytheville and we had the clothes we changed into on Sun. and that.was.it. And 1 pair of pajama's. We had tooth brushes & tooth paste & enough toiletry items for one night. I even only packed enough of my meds for just one night ... my cholesterol medication, my aspirin, my fish oil, my vitamin ... only 1 pill each. I had taken a shower about an hour before we hit the road on Sat. so I didn't bother packing any of that stuff. I figured if I had to take one at the hotel for an emergency reason, I'd just use what they provided. But I didn't see any need to take one that night. And I knew I would take one the next night when I got home. I didn't bother to pack the laptop since I have my iPhone & I was only going to be gone one night. For whatever reason I did pack my iPhone charger even though I had one in the car also. Well thank God for that small miracle. Because if my phone had died (like my MIL's did on Monday) I would have been screwed not being able to keep Hubby updated.

So yeah, I had left my house 4 days prior to this blissful shower but then I had to ruin it by putting dirty clothes back on.

So if you never listen to a word I say; if you never ever take me seriously, I beg of you to heed these words for all they are worth ...

Never take for granted the power of clean underwear.

You think I'm being funny; that I'm making a joke. I promise you I am dead serious. You do not realize just what a pair of clean panties can do for a person until you are without a clean pair. Seriously. You can even go check in the spare tire compartment of my car, in the spare tire, because that is where you will find a multi-pack of brand new underwear just begging to be worn. I will never be caught anywhere ever again without clean panties. Ever.

So yeah, we got our showers and we settled in for the night. With wet hair. Because we didn't have a blow dryer either. Oh and MIL let me have the couch this night. She was feeling bad that I hadn't had a decent night's sleep yet. I tried to argue with her because I felt she needed it more than I did but you can only argue with your elders so much LOL. But I still woke up every time the nurses came in. And right on cue, the group of Dr.'s came in at 6:10.

She'd had a good night. The fever was gone. Her oxygen was staying high & they cut it back so she would be able to come off it soon. They were concerned about her peeing though. She'd not been going as often as they wanted her to & when she did go she wasn't emptying her bladder out completely. For example when she went the measurement was 400 in the bowl but when they'd do a bladder scan it would show another 250+ still in the bladder. She got out of bed around 3am (without the drama - yay!) & used the bedside port a potty & again at 6. She thought I was still sleeping so I think that is why she did it so quietly. They were contemplating putting a catheter in her but that would be as a last resort. They only reason we were concerned was because of the IV bag. She was getting so much fluid & she was starting to show signs of retaining it with swelling so it was important that she peed often.

By this morning, Wednesday, we were pretty much into a routine. A lot of whining, a lot of disagreeing, a lot of headaches caused by The Child. Surgeon #1, the Chief of Pediatric Surgery, the one who performed her surgery, went over all the test results from the cardiologist. He reviewed all the nurse's notes, told us he'd like to see The Child get out of bed so we could put her in a wheelchair & take her for a walk if we wanted to; maybe sit in the recliner for a while; to eat more of her food. She had only been picking at her food with a bite here or there but she hadn't regained her appetite back at this point. He also let us know that her white blood cell count was starting to drop but she wasn't out of the woods yet, especially because they couldn't get her fever free for 24 hours straight. She'd go like 20 hours & then BAM! it was back up. But that happened mostly after an exhausting ordeal so I'm assuming her body was just wore out & couldn't fight the fever. Anyway he reminded us the importance of the bath twice a day (in which we told him he needed to let the nurses know because we told them he had said it but they only did the one the previous day) and then said he'd see us in a few hours.

Sitting in the recliner ...

So she refused to eat breakfast. She refused to take her pain medicine. She refused to get out of the recliner to use the bathroom. And all this AFTER she had easily gotten out of the bed on this morning, used the restroom, & not the bedpan or port-a-potty, & then walked herself & sat herself into the recliner instead of getting back in bed. They pretty much forced the pain med & after much screaming & a temper tantrum they got her into the bathroom to pee.

When she was still in the restroom, Surgeon #1 & his crew had come back in the room to exam the surgery sites & told the nurse to run the bath water. (She is still sitting on the toilet at this point.) The Child got pissed at him & told him she wasn't going to take a bath. She had crossed her arms over her chest & all! lol So he told her oh yes she was. And again she told him she wasn't going to do it. So Surgeon #2, who assisted during the surgery, ended up walking over to her, picked her up off the toilet (the nurses had her undressed & her leg unbandaged at this point) & carried her to the tub & GOT IN THE TUB WITH HER (pants, shoes, socks & all!) & set her down. Talk about beyond pissed. She had a fit over that! She went into full throttle meltdown. But then she finally got over it & finished her bath. I think by then she was just too exhausted to fight anymore. She used all her energy fighting them instead of helping herself. When the nurses had come in to help her to the bathroom, & she started her crap with them & me, I finally told her, "I'm done. I'm sorry you don't want to work with us. I'm sorry you have to make things so difficult not only for yourself but for me & for the nurses. So until you change your attitude & you start treating me nicer & you get over yourself, I'm leaving. When you are ready to be a responsible 9 year old with respect for other people & can use your manners, have Grandma call me on my cell phone & I will come back. Until then, I love you & I wish only the very best for you." I leaned over & gave her a kiss on her forehead & then turned around, grabbed my purse, & left the room. Then I went to the gas station to the smoking area & proceeded to cry my eyes out. I knew if I had stayed in the room, I would have gotten mad & I would have been tempted to throw her out her 8th floor window lol. But seriously, I knew with my lack of sleep, & wearing dirty clothes, & just the stress of the situation over all, I would not have been able to handle myself in a mature manner with her attitude so I had to leave. I left her in good hands with MIL so it's not like I left her unattended & without proper care. But it was so hard to do that. I mean what kind of parent am I that I would leave my daughter during this difficult time? I know I did the right thing. The nurses confirmed that. My MIL confirmed that. But still, it doesn't sit well with my heart.

Sometime early after lunch the ID Dr.'s came back. ID Dr. #1 informed us that the cultures were back with the results and he had good news for us. The infection was Group A Strep. Say what?

That's right Ladies & Gentlemen, Group A Strep. The same thing that gives us the common Strep Throat. Huh? How in THE hell does a person get, basically, strep throat in the back of their leg? How is that even possible? So the good news was that it was very treatable. They took her off the 3 high potent, top dollar antibiotics and switched her to rocephin to be administered once a day. So yes, praise God it was something so simple and so very easily treatable and not life threatening like staph or MRSA. Thank God it was only Group A Strep! But still ... how the hell?

Now those of you that have been following me for years may or may not remember back in March 2008 she was hospitalized for an infection that ended up being Group A Strep in her lymph nodes in her left groin due to her picking at a bug bite scab on her left leg. Although it was nowhere near as severe as this case, the fact that this was time #2 with the Group A Strep, the ID Dr. was a tad concerned & was putting in an order for her to be seen by an Immunologist when we got back to Charleston. He wanted to make sure her immune system was not compromised or that she wasn't just walking around with the bacteria in her system waiting on the next chance to come out.

So I'm still kind of in a daze over the diagnosis. So I ask again how did it get into her leg? So we sat down & again reviewed her history and he came up with 2 possible scenarios. Scenario #1: Back towards the end of May she had broke out in a rash. The first Dr. I took her to on base said it was poison ivy & put her on prednisone for 5 days. At the end of those 5 days the rash had spread & gotten worse so I took her to Dr. #2. They tested for strep throat because they said that some patients develop a rash with the strep throat. She has had strep throat 3 times in her life & never had the rash but whatever. Anyway, that test came back negative so he said she possibly had something viral, along the lines of Parvovirus B13 (which she had back in Jan.) & we just had to let it run its course. So we did. Well the ID Dr. was thinking that it was possibly the strep throat rash, because sometimes a strep throat swab can have a false positive or false negative reading. But since it was negative, she wasn't put on any antibiotic & it was just left to float around in her system & then when she pulled the muscle a few weeks later, since the area was weakened, the strep bacteria settled into it & the rest is history. The ID Dr. said that since there were no pictures of her rash, & it was completely gone by this point, there was no way to know for sure if that is what happened or not.

Scenario #2: This is the scary one. She pulled the muscle in the back of her leg on Thursday. On Friday morning I had taken her to her dentist for her 6 month cleaning & check up. So it is possible, and again, we have no 100% proof so we can't say for certain, but it is a possibility, that either their equipment was contaminated or during the cleaning they opened up her gums wide enough that somehow, someway, the strep made its way into her mouth, into her system, ultimately settling into the weakened area where she pulled the muscle. Because 3 days later, she had surgery on her leg to remove the infection. Kinda makes me want to never take her back or go back myself. You just never know.

So with the good news of the infection being easily treatable, they took her off the IV's. That one antibiotic they switched her to was administered by IV once per day. They said not to worry about the not eating that she would build her appetite back up but to make sure she drank plenty of fluids, especially since they took her off the IV.

Then cardiology came in to do an assessment. I had to go over the whole story with the PA. I really and truly am sick of repeating this by now! lol Then she got a family history. I can't remember what the eff my name is but you want me to remember which family member had what & then you want to make it worse by answering for my husband's side of the family when he isn't even here to give the information? HE'S IN KOREA PEOPLE! And my MIL had gone for her break so I didn't even have her help with that info. And then you factor in the lack of sleep in the past 4 days. But anyway, she seemed satisfied with the answers I could answer & left to give the info to the cardiologist.

The cardiologist ended up ordering a doppler ultrasound for her leg & chest to make sure there was no debris in her leg that could cause a blood clot. There are 5 women that have Protein S deficiency in my family so they wanted to cover all the bases.

Shortly after the doppler, she had physical therapy & she gave the Physical Therapist a run for her money but she shot The Child's attitude down real quick. lol MIL & I sat out in the hall during the session & it was hard to listen to The Child yell in pain but I knew it was best for her so I dealt with it.

By this time MIL & I were so ready for our daily dinner lol. After The Child had received her dinner we told her we were going & that we may be gone a while but if she needed anything she knew she could call the nurse. Which she was totally fine with. So we went & ate dinner. Went to the smoking area & made progress report phone calls & texts (actually just me because her phone had died on Monday). When we got back to the room, The Child quickly let us know that we had been gone for 2 hours. LMAO We tried explaining to her on Monday night just how big this hospital is & how huge the cafeteria was & stuff but we knew until she saw it for herself, she'd never get it. Anyway, because Surgeon #1 said she could get in a wheelchair, she decided she was ready for it. But as our luck would have it, one was not available. So we had to do the next best thing ...

We couldn't take her off the floor, which was fine, but at least she finally got to leave her room & feel somewhat normal again. Afterwards, we took her back to her room, got her settled in bed & then we ourselves took turns doing the same thing except we added in showers (with the dirty clothes yet again).

Thursday morning proved to be just as frustrating as the previous mornings. The group of Doctors at 6:10. Breakfast served, and even though she picked out what she wanted, she didn't like it when it was delivered. We still had battles of getting her out of the bed to use the restroom. If anything, it seemed like her anger was more intense. Which just made my job even more difficult. I was averaging roughly 3 hours of sleep a night. I was grumpy from lack of normal hygene practices. I desparately wanted clean underware. I just wanted to go home. Scratch that, I wanted this nightmare to be over. I finally ended up telling her that if nothing nice could come out of her mouth then she needed to keep her mouth shut. I was done listening to her. She was only allowed to say "Yes Ma'am/Sir" or "No Ma'am/Sir" when asked a direct question. Unless she had something nice or positive to say. She ended up not saying anything. The Dr.'s came again around 9 for another routine visit with more instructions. Since the infection had been discovered to be Group A Strep, the ID Dr.'s were no longer coming around. In fact other than her surgery team, all Dr.'s had quit coming to see her. Which was a blessing. Surgeon #1 was playing around with the idea of maybe doing another MRI because her white blood cell count still wasn't as low as they would like for it to have been at this point but they would give it a few more days before making a final decision.

And again, God intervened and sent an elderly hospital volunteer to our room as we were deciding if we should chance it to leave or not. She encouraged us to go and promised to sit with The Child while we were gone so that my fears would be put to rest and so that The Child wouldn't be totally alone. So once we got past all of that, MIL & I finally had the chance to go to the nearest Walmart and buy more clothes and items we were in desparate need of. We had a nurse print directions out for us. It felt so strange to be doing something so normal as driving. It had only been since Sunday when I last drove but I guess because my mind had been focused on The Child since then, it just felt wierd to be normal lol. Luckily Walmart was only like 15 mins. away. At one of the redlights I saw a Starbucks & told MIL we would be stopping there on our way back to the hospital lol. We get to Walmart and I know this sounds crazy but when we walked in, the smell associated with Walmart almost made me cry. Now do you believe me when I say I was sleep deprived, stressed beyond my measures lol? Anyway, I was in a hurry to get in and get out and get back to the hospital. I didn't like the idea that complete strangers were left to tend to my child. I think my nerves were worse than when I was in the hospital. So MIL goes one way, I go the other. I'm flying through clearance racks; I'm rushing up & down isles looking for this or for that; I am a Mother on a mission to hurry the hell up and get back to my baby. I finally hunt MIL down 20 mins. later. She has one outfit picked out. ONE friggin outfit. Ugh! So I'm trying to get her to hurry. And she is trying to take her time. And I'm trying not to go all Hannibal Lector and shit in the middle of Walmart. Her reasoning: she was enjoying the break from being away from the hospital and everything it was representing. Okay, I can concede that. Yes a break would be nice ... IF WE WEREN'T IN A STRANGE CITY, IN A STRANGE STATE, WITH NOTHING BUT STRANGERS TAKING CARE OF MY SICK CHILD!!!!!!!!! The Mama Bear in me needed to be close to my Child, clean underwear be damned! But through the Grace of God, I kept my composure and over an hour later, $200 less in the bank account, we finally leave. I was going to just pass right on by Starbucks but MIL made me go anyway. In hindsight I'm glad she did. But at the time, it was just another 15 mins. that kept me away from The Child. We were going on 2 hours since we left. Yes, I know we would be gone that amount for our evening dinners, but I was still on the hospital property, in running distance if I was needed. At Starbucks I had no clue where I was. Literally. Because going back to the hospital was routed different than leaving it. And the nurses didn't bother to tell us that part or print us out a map to get us back. And I didn't have my GPS. And oh my God can The Powers That Be be anymore against me than they already were? Because we lost another hour trying to find our way back to the hospital.

Once we got back and got back to the room, The Child was sound asleep. I checked in with the nurses and they informed me that they had given The Child her 20 minute bath and the whole process only took right at an hour, which was an improvement. She nibbled a little at her lunch and then promplty fell asleep from the ordeal lol. The volunteer was nowhere to be found so I have no clue what happened to her. MIL & I decided to go get some lunch before the cafeteria closed and when we got back the Physical Therapist was in the room working with The Child. She had brought a walker and was showing her how to use it properly. When she was done (MIL & I were waiting outside the room during the session) she came out to talk to me to let me know The Child's progress and what to expect and yada yada yada.

Needless to say, it looked like we were going to have a very long, frustrating road ahead of us if The Child's attitude was anything to go by.

So MIL & I took turns going to get dinner because I didn't want to be away from my child after being gone so long earlier in the day. Plus we had eaten lunch together. Then finally we had time to wash the new clothes we had bought earlier. Luckily there was a small room with a washer & dryer in it and then one of the vending machines had laundry soap & dryer sheets. So MIL made it her mission to do the laundry so that I could spend some one on one time with Miss Grumpy Pants herself.

Since I wasn't in the room during her physical therapy, I asked her to show me how she learned to use her walker. Duh! I know how it is to be used. I just wanted to trick her into another round of it so she could build up strength. So she's going around the room with it & I had made my way to the door, "to give her plenty of room to move around in" and I'm kinda talking to myself but in a loud enough voice that she will hear me, "Hmmm, I wonder how many days it will take to be able to go to the nurses station?" So then she looks over at me, makes her way to the door, peeks around and says, "I could make that now. Wanna see?" So of course I was like, "sigh I don't know. That seems awfully far away." Next thing I knew, out the door she went, headed to the nurses station. Score! lol

By the time she made it back to her room, she was sweating bless her heart. I was so proud of her though. So after about a 30 minute rest in the bed she asks me, "What's taking Grandma so long?" So I explained that there was only 1 washer & dryer & we had 2 loads to wash & dry & these things just take time. So then The Child decides she wants to go see what is taking MIL so long. I tried to talk her out of it because I knew she was weak to begin with but again that damn stubbornness of hers wouldn't listen to reason. So off down the hall she goes with her walker.

She turned the left corner (in above picture) and is headed past the nurse's station (on right) to go through the double doors ...

Out the double doors now ... Freedom! lol

"Uh Grandma, how's that laundry coming along?" lol

"Gotta catch my breath and rest up for the trip back. My room is very far away!" lol

Once she got back to the room, it was only a matter of minutes before she was out like a light for the rest of the night. I have to admit, it was so good for her getting out of the room. The night before had been good but not enough. She seemed to have lost her anger somewhere in her roaming adventures, which I was not going to complain about at all! LOL All in all Thursday ended much better than it started. Especially because for the first time in 5 days I was able to shampoo AND condition my hair AND blow dry it; I was able to shave my legs; and I was able to put clean underwear and clothes on. And I had the promise of more clean clothes to put on the next day. It's the simple things that make all the difference I tell you! lol

Friday morning saw us waking up in the same routine as the previous days ... Dr. rounds, breakfast, bath, etc. but on this day The Child was different. Gone was her anger of the past few days. Instead we had sorrow to deal with. Thinking back on it now, I wish the anger had stayed. Because it hurt my heart to hear her tell me that she wished Daddy was with us. And that she wanted to just go home. And that she missed Cocoa (our dog). That's all I wanted too but that was not to be the case. So I spent the day comforting her during her crying spells. During the 9am Dr. rounds, Surgeon #2 suggested we take her up to the rooftop playground the hospital provided. He said the fresh air would be good for her. So I told her that if she was good during the day and she behaved for the nurses during bath time, after lunch, I would have a wheelchair brought up & we would take her to the rooftop. Imagine my surprise when the nurses came in to do her bath she didn't want them, but only me. So I got a crash course in what to do & how to do it, by the nurses and The Child. lol Anyway, she didn't give me a minutes problem and we got the bath done with no problems or tantrums or tears. She ate her lunch and then took a nap.

The Physical Therapist came in to do her session and she had me stay in the room to show me different exercises I could help The Child with once we were home. These were mainly muscle/strength building exercises. Then she showed The Child & I how to dress with the brace on. The Child immediately became a new child once she had her own clothes on! I would have too lol. Then she showed The Child how she could walk on her "bad" leg without too much pain and without the walker. Girlfriend was in Heaven!

"Really Mom? It's only clothes. You've seen me dressed before." - Totally off subject but she has on her tennis shoes that I was wearing around the hospital. I had only worn thin flip flops for the trip & after standing for hours at a time, my feet hurt so since her & I wear the same size shoe, I wore her tennis shoes! LOL

After the Physical Therapist left, The Child decided she wanted to go to the rooftop. So we took her up there. I was disappointed in it. Mainly because it was geared for toddlers and not older children. But we sat on a bench and looked at all the "donated" equipment and such and just breathed in the fresh air. I even took a picture ...

"Another picture?" "Yes so I can send it to Daddy so he can see how well you are doing so smile big!" lol

Afterwards we went back down to her room and she had dinner while MIL & I went to eat our dinner. Afterwards, I gave her another bath with NO problems from her. Yay! Then we watched a little tv. I finally passed out around mid-night.

About 12:30 a nurse is waking me up with, "Mrs. Sassy? Your family has been trying to call you on your cell phone. Your brother called the nurses station to ask us to please have you call home." Ok so, it is 12:30am ... A.M. people. I've been asleep for about 30 mins. You are waking me up because why? I was so in a fog and I had such a hard time comprehending what the nurse was saying. All I knew is that it wasn't The Child's night nurse; something about my family calling me?; I needed to call home?; What?; just ... what? I even remember getting out of the recliner and standing there looking around the room (searching for what, God only knows)trying to figure out what was I suppose to be doing. And then it hits me. Oh God! I have to call home. Something has happened! My brother of all people has called the hospital to wake me up.

All week long, every night before going to sleep, I always turned my cell phone to vibrate. Not that I was worried that anyone would call/send a text message but just in case. I didn't want it waking The Child up or any of the other kids on the floor. Hubby is 13 hours ahead and sometimes forgets what time it is my time. lol

So anyway, here my phone is on vibrate, the lack of sleep is catching up to me & I didn't hear the phone vibrating when it was going off. So I finally gather enough wits about me to grab my phone & I see where I have missed a call from my neighbor, the SP's (military police) & my brother. WTF? The SP's? So since my neighbor called 1st, I called her first. She proceeds to let me know that my Mother had locked herself, and Cocoa, the dog, out of my house.

Okay, so let me back up for minute here. The night we went to Wytheville, VA, my Mom spent the night at my house to babysit Cocoa for me. She went home on Sunday morning. On Sunday evening, I arranged for Tasha to come get Cocoa & take her back to her house till I could get home or till Friday, whichever happened first. So Friday came & Tasha had to go out of town so she took Cocoa back to my house & my Mom came back to my house to watch Cocoa until I could get home.

So here we are on Friday night, and my Mom has locked herself out because she forgot to check the door knob to see if it was unlocked before she shut the door completely when she took Cocoa out to potty one last time for the night. Are you freaking kidding me? So Audra was explaining to me on the phone how my Mom had come over to her house for help. So her & my Mom walk up to the guard shack to ask them to come let her back in. Oh, might I also mention that the previous Sat. night Mom had locked herself out but lucky for her my neighbor across the street, who is a SP, was able to get her back in. So here we are 6 days later with her doing the same thing again. Anyway, the guard shack wouldn't let her back in without speaking to me or Hubby first. And of course, I'm not answering my phone. Gah! So then Mom remembered that my brother had the hospital info so she called him, explained what was going on & asked him to call the hospital to wake me up. So I hang up with Audra, call the SP's, explain to them what all is going on with MY situation and to please, for the love of God, let me Mother back in my house and to make a note to do so again in the future if this happens again. So then I call Audra back to let her know the SP's were on the way, then I call my brother to let him know I got his message and got everything taken care of. Then I went down to the gas station, had a major first class temper tantrum with myself, a cigarette and a fence. I finally got back to sleep close to 1:30, 30 minutes before the 2am temp/blood pressure/heart rate check.

On Sat. morning we had the usual 6:10am Dr. rounds. Do these people never sleep? Well, they wouldn't let me sleep so I guess it was ok lol but seriously, it is a Saturday; take the day off or something! So anyway, Surgeon #2 said we could take her to the cafeteria or anywhere else in the hospital if we wanted to. He also said that as long as nothing changed between now and then, she would be able to go home the next day. Halleluia!

During the week, a Mom from the housing area I live in had been keeping in touch with me on Facebook. She was from the area we were staying in and had let me know that they would be in town this particular weekend. She had offered to come by and bring anything I may have needed from home. Since we had went to Walmart on Thursday, I didn't need clothes and since I had already went this long without my meds, I could go a few days longer. So she decided to bring The Child some arts and craft projects to help pass the time with. I was so humbled by her generosity! And to make it even more sweet, she brought us all Starbucks! LOL You know I was in Heaven!! It was a great visit but it made me that much more homesick. I didn't know her all that well before her visit. I'd see her taking/picking up her kids at the school; I'd see her at the playground in housing. But I'd never sat down & had a one-on-one conversation with her until she started private messaging me on FB. So I think that is why it was so nice. Now don't get me wrong, we had so many offers of people wanting to come to NC. My Mom of course but in order for her to get there, my brother would have had to bring her and HELL to the NO on that. One of them is bad enough but both of them together? No thank you very much. And my dear, sweet Mellie, who only lived a couple of hours away from the hospital offered to come to my aide. But she has her own family that needed her more than I did. I didn't want to be selfish & drag her away from them. And then my Dad & Step-Mom were wanting to come but since Daddy had recently underwent radiation therapy, the hospital was the last place he needed to be. And let's be realistic, there wasn't much I could do so there really wasn't any need for others to come running and sit and twiddle their thumbs also. But I have to be honest and admit that after Brooke left, maybe I should have said yes to a visit because honestly, it felt so good to just take my mind off of everything for a few minutes.

So in celebration of The Child's possible discharge the next day, we treated her to lunch in the cafeteria. She was in awe of the place lol. She couldn't get over how huge it was and how many choices there were to eat. She even told us that now she understood why we were always gone so long LOL. Afterwards, she took her nap and the rest of the day was very boring compared to how it normally had been. We had even had another bath episode that she only wanted me and that it went very smoothly. Oh and surprise! surprise! she got TWO baths on Friday and Saturday since I was the one doing them.

Who needs bath toys when you have a bar of soap?

Sunday morning Surgeon #2 waited until 8am to come in for his rounds & he only brought in one other Dr. with him, the one taking his place for the next 24 hours. They both examined The Child and decided that she could be discharged that day. I'd never been so happy to hear those words! At 9am the new Dr. came in and said he decided to go ahead and have the drain tubes removed before we left so that I would have one less headache to deal with when we got home. So at 10:30am the resident on duty came in & removed them. I had already started taking stuff to the car by this time so that when we got the paperwork, we could leave without any fuss. When I came back he gave me all the instructions I would need and said he was starting on the discharge paperwork then. I gave her one last bath and helped her get dressed. Her lunch came so I made her eat it so I wouldn't have to worry about stopping for that on our way home. MIL & I shared the chocolate cheesecake since The Child didn't want it. And since it was Father's Day, the cafeteria had made an extra special lunch for everyone.

Fried chicken, mashed potatoes (she was mad there wasn't any gravy! lol), steamed broccoli, sliced peaches, chocolate cheese cake, tea & milk

At 12:30 we had paperwork in hand, and transport was there to wheel her to the car. We got her in, made one last stop at the gas station for snacks & drinks & phone calls/text messages and promptly got on the road. And it was on this day that I realized that my iPhone had a GPS on it so that is how I was able to get us from the hospital to 77S. LOL better late than never! We only had to make one bathroom break thank goodness. We finally pulled into our driveway at 6:30. I wanted to collapse and sleep for a week but realisticly I knew that would never happen. Once I got The Child settled, the car unpacked, and took a bathroom break, I got back in the car to go get her antibiotic prescription filled and to pick up some supplies I would need for her care. Then I got back home, got her in the tub, then got her settled, my Mom left and MIL & I set out to figure out our next few days.

Glad to be back home, in her room, flying high on her Loratab! lol

On Monday morning, I got up at 6am, took a shower, sent Hubby an update and left my house at 7:20am to be at the Tricare (military insurance) office by 7:30. Tricare had recently changed her PCM to a new Pedi Dr. & I wanted her to stay with our PCM so I first had to change that. Then I had to meet with our Case Manager and give her all the paperwork the hospital gave me so she could make copies for The Child's record. Then I had to make an appointment with The Child's PCM so that he could put in the referrals for her surgery follow-up at MUSC, her physical therapy and for an Immunologist.

Imagine my surprise when the appointment desk told me that the next available appointment would be Thursday of next week. Huh? Excuse me? Uh, no. Maybe I didn't explain myself clearly: she was discharged from a week long hospital stay less than 24 hours ago; she has 2, count them one two, OPEN wounds on the back of her right leg, that were NOT stitched closed. She HAS to be seen by a surgeon immediately; she HAS to have physical therapy. An appointment next week is not acceptable. Only an appointment TODAY will be acceptable. "I'm sorry Ma'am but my hands are tied. There is nothing I can do for you." I was so mad at this point I was crying. I'm standing in the waiting area, crying, and trying not to go postal. I asked the lady how acute did my child's care need to be before she could get seen today? I even asked her if I needed to take my child to the local ER to get the care she needed and she had the nerve to tell me that my child was not in immediate danger and therefore a trip to the ER was unneccessary. I hung up on her. I literally slammed the phone back in it's cradle and walked off and went straight back to my Case Manager ... walked right into her office by passing the secretary & without even knocking on her door. I finally calmed down enough to be able to tell her what just happened and then she handed me some tissues, told me to sit tight & that she would be right back. Then I felt like such an idiot for allowing the stupid appointment clerk to get the best of me.

So anyway, Julie comes back in & says I got her an appointment at 10:30 with Dr. Lxxxxx. OMG could this day get any worse? I just had her changed from him because he is a first class ASS who I would not even send my worst enemy to! Are you freakin' kidding me? But unfortunately, he was the only Dr. in the entire clinic who had an opening and since only a full fledge Dr. could put the referals in, he was all we had. FML

So I go home, explain what is going on, listen to The Child throw her tantrum over having to see this Dr. she hates so much, tell her to get over it & we go back to the clinic. Now, you are probably wondering why we hate this Dr. eh? To make a long story short, he was the one who said her rash was poison ivy & put her on the steriod when it actually wasn't poison ivy. At that same appointment I had shown him a picture of an allergic reaction rash I had broken out in the week prior to hers. In a very condenscending voice he asks, "What have you people been doing?" First off, you people? You seriously want to address us as you people? 2nd of all, not every rash that walks into your clinic is poison ivy. 3rd, you are an ass and we don't like your bedside manner.

So we go to this appointment. With this Dr. we loathe. But we need him to put all these referrals in. He finally comes walking into the room, takes one look at us, and says, "Wait, didn't I just see ya'll a few weeks ago for poison ivy? What in the world is going on now?" I looked at MIL, rolled my eyes, took a deep breath and proceeded to tell him just what in the world is going on now. I even explained to him how he had mis-diagnosed her because she ended up NOT having poison ivy like he originally had said she had. I don't think he liked me saying that too much lol. So then he wanted to look at her incisions. Why? Just go do what you need to do on the computer & us people will be out of your hair. So anyway, he examines her, gives orders to his nurse & then proceeds to tell me what I need to be doing. Sorry dude. I already have instructions from her surgeons in NC that I will follow to a T. I don't need nor do I want your 2-cents worth. A short time later his nurse comes back in to let me know that she got The Child an appointment with a surgeon at MUSC for the next day. Yay for not having to wait 24-48 hours for the referral to come in. Anyway, we finally leave there and I take MIL & The Child back home. I give The Child her bath, we have lunch, then we take a nap. MIL spends that time locating and buying her a plane ticket back home. I cook dinner, clean up, give another bath & get her settled for the night.

Tuesday we get up, we go see the new surgeon who says things are looking good, with the exception of her hamstring, it is starting to tighten up & we needed to get her into physical therapy ASAP before more damage is done. We make a follow up appointment for 2 weeks & I'm given a form to take to the DMV to get a temporary handicap placard. So we go to the DMV. Of course I would need a prescription to go along with the form to apply for the handicap placard. And of course everyone has gone to lunch at the surgeons office. So we go home, eat lunch, give her a bath, settle her for her nap & I then proceeded to locate, by phone and internet, a medical supply place than can accept the prescription I have for her medical supplies we need for her continued care i.e. drainage pads, kerlix (big rolls of gauze to wrap around her leg to hold the pads in place) ace bandages, gloves and tape. Now the hospital in NC, the nurses and the discharge resident had given me enough to see me through 4 or 5 days but I wanted to go ahead and have the prescription filled so I wouldn't run out of anything and be stuck with nothing. I finally found a place and made arrangements to meet with them the next day. I cooked dinner again. That night my Mom came over to spend the night because MIL's plane left at 9am the next morning which means she had to be there by 7am. Obviously I didn't want to have to drag The Child out for all that so Mom offered to stay with her while I did that.

So Wed. morning, I get up, take MIL to the airport, come back home, get The Child up & dressed, go to the DMV (the surgeons office faxed the prescription to the DMV) & filled out all the necessary paperwork. The Child ended up having to get a State ID card also because her picture had to be on the handicap placard. Which we finally got the placard in the mail on Saturday. After the DMV we go back to my house, I give The Child a bath, we eat lunch, I get her settled for her nap & then I go to get that medical prescription filled.

Seriously, people must think I have nothing else better to do with my time then to allow them to eff with me. The only place in the area who could fill this prescription for the items I needed, had a 4 page form that needed to be filled out first ... by the actual surgeon who performed the surgery. Seriously? UGH! And then to make things more difficult, Tricare doesn't cover ace bandages. For real? How do you not cover ace bandages? Whatever. I can afford to buy a couple of them. If there are actually any to be purchased in the local area that is. Apparently everyone and their brother & sister needed ace bandages at the same time I did because by the time I got to the store, and believe you me I hit every store I could, none was to be had. I ended up having to order them online and wait a week for them to be shipped. In the meantime, this is what I did...

They had to be sanitized/sterilized because she was having drainage (DUH! That's what happens when you don't stitch up an incision!) and the drainage was leaking all the way through the pads, guaze & ace. So obviously I couldn't put a contaminated ace back on her leg. Hence the prescription for ace bandages people. Whatever. There are more important things to worry about ... like where the hell is the referral for her physical therapy? But anyway, I ended up purchasing a few of the items to tide me over till the NC surgeon could fax back the required paperwork needed to fill the prescription.

So after making so many stops looking for ace bandages and having no luck I went back home. Then my Mom left. And for the first time in 11 days I was alone. I had to deal with this massive responsibilty all on my own. I was so relieved to not have to worry about someone else besides myself or The Child. Yet at the same time I was so scared that I would fail. Don't ask why I had those thoughts. I just did.

The referral for the Immunologist came through Wednesday morning and I called to schedule that appointment after Mom left. Wed. night the physical therapy referral still wasn't in. So first thing Thursday morning I was on the phone to my Tricare Case Worker. She put me on hold after I explained why I was calling and explained to her what the local surgeon had said on Tuesday about The Child needing the physical therapy ASAP. She comes back on the line and lets me know that somehow, someway, Dr. Lxxxxx "forgot" to put that referral in.

You know, there comes a point and time in a person's life when you reach that "moment". The moment where you stop what you are doing, just throw your hands up, and say fuck it. Fuck it all. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. The cards are stacked against me. There is no point in going any further. And nine out of ten times, people don't blame you. Some if not most, would have given up a lot sooner than you did. Unfortunately, this was not my "moment". It should have been. I wanted it to be. God knows I wanted it to be. But it wasn't. So I kept on going. Anyway, Julie assures me she will rectify the problem and call me right back. A few hours later she did. She had gotten an emergency referral in and had called around until she found a place that dealt with children. Apparently the base doesn't accept anyone under 15. Say what? I didn't realize there was an age cap on physical therapy. But whatever. She got the appointment for 8am the next morning. So much for sleeping in during summer vacation. So on Friday morning I take The Child to the physical therapy. It was a "meet & greet" type of appointment so that they could get to know each other, the therapist could get the case history, we could tour the facility, etc. After meeting with her & catching her up to date, she was furious that The Child had gone a whole week at this point with no physical therapy and ended up giving her a session. Which The Child was not happy about. But thankfully the therapist caught on to The Child's behavior and gave her no choice and had The Child doing so many fun things that she didn't realize that she was actually doing physical therapy. Here she is kicking a ball ...

I would have never thought that was possible but the proof is in the picture. Because this therapist was so attuned to The Child and her attitude, she made the experience so fun and enjoyable for The Child. She hated to leave every time and she couldn't wait till her next appointment. All in all, she had 8 weeks of physical therapy. At her last one, she walked out of there, completely 100%, as if she had never had surgery on her leg. Again, all by the grace of God.

Her Immunology - the first round of blood work was $3222.00. Twenty different tests run on 9 vials of blood. I thought The Child was gonna stroke out on me over that. As she said, "They didn't even take that much from me in the hospital!" lol When all was said and done, her immune system was not compromised from the infection; she did not have any lingering Group A Strep hanging around in her body; and overall she is a very healthy child ... with a few allergies we had no clue about LOL. I kinda figured she was allergic to cats because every time she gets around them she gets stuffy & sneezes & is miserable for days afterwards. So I was not surprised when that came back positive. But imagine my surprise when they said she was allergic to white oak trees (our subdivision has 1 every 6 feet or so it seems like), white hickory trees (I park under one for the shade at my Dad's house), Timothy, Johnson, Bahia & Bermuda grasses, rough pigweed, short & giant ragweed & Stemphylium (mold). It definitely explains a lot though LOL.

So I spent until July 30, day in and day out, giving The Child two 20 minute bath soaks a day, bleaching said bathtub after each bath; taking her to physical therapy 3 times a week; taking her to her Immunology appointments every 2 weeks; to see her MUSC surgeon every 2 weeks; taking her to see a therapist once a week because I wanted to make sure she was not traumatized by her ordeal or blamed herself or what have you. I just wanted to make sure she was going to be all right mentally and physically; doing all the normal housewife/Mommy duties that are done on a daily basis, sick kid or not; going in and buying more supplies from the medical supply store every 5 days because I eventually got tired of the run around and just gave up. At the end, it was worth the $130 I spent on her supplies. Because Tricare DID pay for everything else. Between the 2 hospitals, the hour and a half ambulance ride, all the different Doctors, MRI, surgery, everything, the total was close to $100K. So yeah, $130 was affordable. To this day I thank God for sending Hubby orders to Korea because if he hadn't gotten them, he would have retired and we would be stuck with 20% of those bills. A picture of the what I had to look at twice a day or more ...

This was taken about 10 days after the surgery ...

So yeah, the fact that I survived this past summer is a freakin' miracle. Especially because I did it all by myself. With no help once MIL flew back home. I did ask Tasha one day to watch The Child for a couple of hours for me so I could run errands. Yes it was selfish on my part. I needed a break from The Child. She needed a break from me. And she'd been begging to see her friends. She was tired of being cooped up in the house day in & day out only getting out to go PT or Dr. appointments. I needed a break from helping her in & out of the car. With her incisions being on the back of her leg, it was a painful ordeal to get in & out for her & I just needed a break from it. I was having to stop after each physical therapy session to pick up things from the store. She couldn't walk far distances in the stores because she was exhausted after PT so I always put her in a wheel chair. If one wasn't available, I left & went home instead. I wasn't about to leave her unattended on a bench in the front of the store. Are you kidding me? So if the store had a wheel chair available, we used it. Have you ever taken the time to look at how big the baskets are on a wheel chair? Really, really look? Because I'll tell you, they aren't big at all. And once you get a pack of toilet paper in it, it is even smaller. And I couldn't push a cart while she rolled herself because her arms weren't long enough to reach both wheels at the same time and roll. And I couldn't push with one hand & pull a cart with the other because the wheel chair would turn. It was just easier to get what could fit in the small basket & go back another day for the rest. So by having Tasha watch The Child, I could go & get EVERYTHING I needed at one time. And The Child could only hold light weight items that didn't put pressure on her leg, in her lap for me, and as long as the items didn't slip out the side of the seat. Believe you me, I tried everything possible to make the wheelchairs work to my advantage.

But, even that 2 hour break ended up being a headache. Tasha was already watching an 8 month old for a friend, plus her own 2 kids. Then Audra wanted Tasha to watch her 2 kids also so she could go to an OB appointment. That would have been 6 kids. So I told Tasha to never mind, we could do it another day. But she said no, that she would watch The Child. Apparently that didn't go over well with Audra because a comment was made that I was only going to get medical supplies & I could just take The Child along for that. Getting medical supplies was only the first of 6 stops that I had planned. I had only told Audra earlier that day about the medical supplies, not the other errands I was planning on running. So that kinda stuck in my craw. Seriously? I'm stuck doing all this by myself because my husband is on the other side of the world. I didn't have people calling me up or ringing my doorbell asking me what could they help me with. Not one time did someone say, "Hey, I'm going to the store. Do you need me to pick you up anything while I am there?" Or, "I'm going to grab dinner. Want me to pick something up for you too while I'm out so you can get a break from cooking?" And everyone who knows me knows money was not the issue. I would have sent money ahead of time or paid them on the spot for my items as soon as they brought it to me. But no, I never once crossed anyone's mind unless they needed ME for something. And every time someone needed me for help I sure as hell helped them out. When they wanted pictures taken, there I was with camera in hand. When they were angry or frustrated, there I was on the phone calming them down or standing outside with them, offering a shoulder to vent on. When they needed a missing ingredient for a meal, I supplied it so they wouldn't have to run to the store right then & there. But did anyone return the item? No. I had to drag my kid out days later to go buy the item myself because then I needed it. But I never once said a word or complained about it. The one time I ask for help, I get grief for it? So that was the only time I asked for any kind of help. It wasn't worth the hurt knowing how little my supposed true friends cared about me. Yes Tasha watched The Child for me for 2 hours. But I could have gone without knowing how Audra felt about it. And to be fair, I include my family when I say no one called or offered to help. The only time my Mom helped was that morning my MIL flew out.

But that is okay. That which doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger right?

I'm so tired of being strong. My shoulders are weak. My steps are slow. My head is not held as high as it once was.

But I survived and no one can take the credit for it. I did this. I'm the reason she is back to 100%, minus the 2 scars. I don't need the damn village.

So there you go. That was my summer in a nutshell. Well a very long, detailed nutshell! LMAO I still have more to write about but I'll do that in a day or so. All of this is just till the end of July. I still have all of August and September to write about. Because you know me ... my life is never boring nor dull.

Till the next time ....