Hard Hits in meh...

I understand that there will be ups and downs. When you’ve lived a life of mostly downs, you almost expect this. When you’re trying to turn things around for yourself, it seems that those hard hits that knock you down take you a thousand miles off the path that you set for yourself.

I was thinking about some stuff that I’ve done and I’m going to make amends in some kind of way, even if it is just an apology. At this time that’s all I have. The person, is someone I love very dearly, and though the situation is water under the bridge, hindsight, strongly recommends that I do this.

I have made peace with the fact that everyone wasn’t meant to have everything. Everyone wasn’t meant to be a CEO earning top dollar. It’s all about being happy with who you are and what you do. Or just to be happy with the life you have. I’ve pretty much etched out the surface people and fake people in my life. I’m always ready to try something new, different. I am 43. I don’t have much time left.

I was having a conversation with my sister in law about the family support I never had and she doesn’t understand why it’s like that. Honestly, neither do I. Why am I always the source for jokes and fodder for gossip? I don’t know. I don’t know a lot of things, but what I do know is that I have to let go of past hurts from my family. I have to make amends where they can be amended, and to those who find offense with me though I’ve done nothing to them, just sprinkle some fuck it on it. Anything I hear about what they say and how they feel about me, I can’t lend a care to give. Whatever the situation, it’s their shit. Not mine.

I have to hold fast to this, and allow that part to drift out of my pores.

That’s it.

Sister