Can I Get A Ruling? (updated throughout the day) in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

I did something today that I’ve only done to jobs that I can’t stand. I woke up… assessed my level of “give a fuck” and my level of emotional fortitude… and realized I couldn’t do it. I could not go in to work today. Even if it would effectively be a half-day due to being required to attend the State of the Judiciary speech. I simply did not have it in me. So I called in and went back to sleep. And here is the deal… typically, I’ve been sleeping from “some point after midnight” until “5 or 6.” Calling in and going back to sleep? I was asleep from 7 to Noon Thirty when I was awakened by a phone call from work (because calling in to work at this place just means you have to work from home… calling in doesn’t mean you’re ‘released’ from work for that day). So… calling in, I got about as much extra sleep as I’ve been getting normal sleep.

So… yes. In order to continue to function in a way that prevents me from completely losing my mind… this was necessary. But… it certainly isn’t a good thing to do. Calling in sick just so I can keep my mind together? That is indicative of a serious problem. Makes me deeply consider my options… my future… what this ultimately means I may need to do.

And what exactly is the work that my boss wants me to do from home?
She is giving a lecture today about why Iowan investors need to take advantage of the opportunities that China brings. Invest in Chinese Land, Businesses, Tourism… translation? Thank you, rich Iowans for coming today: give all of your money to China for the betterment and success of China. As opposed to, y’know, investing in IOWA. As opposed to, y’know, investing THE UNITED STATES. No. I truly and completely work for a firm that is promoting Chinese Interests in the United States. And it bothers me. Deeply. Because I am an Iowa Native. My interests are to promote Iowa. To make my home state stronger and a better place for Iowans and the United States. Instead… my time goes to helping the Chinese become richer. To make United States money go to China. To protect Chinese Nationals who come to our country and break the law. That is my job, apparently.

Edit 14:13
Just got an e-mail from my boss that I fucked up an immigration case and that it resulted in a client being turned away at the border. I feel bad for the client, I do. Here’s the story of the client:
Our firm, before I was hired, represented him on an OWI charge. The charge was amended down to a non OWI charge. This was entirely handled by our firm before I was hired. I was asked (almost a full year after the completion of the case) to write a letter to Border Control on behalf of the client. I reviewed the client’s case history and wrote the letter. But I forgot to argue, in the letter, that while he was charged with an OWI he was not convicted of an OWI. I simply wrote that he was never convicted of an OWI and that his convictions mean that he is not inadmissible to the United States. Chinese Boss is pissed. And I’m torn. She has reason to be pissed. My work, with our firm name attached, failed to achieve the desired outcome. Our client was denied at the border. That is an issue. Simultaneously, this is me covering their asses again. Per our firm’s policy: this letter should have been written by the attorney that handled the case immediately after sentencing. Having an unconnected attorney do it months after it should have been done? Not Standard Operating Procedure. So again… I’m torn. I fucked up, I should feel bad, I should beg for forgiveness. But at the same time… also a trend of fuck this firm. When she yells at me tomorrow… it may take everything in me to keep from saying, “Then fire me. If I keep being such a disappointment to the firm, if I keep fucking up in Immigration, then fire me.” Or I should just quit. I mean… I know it would be shitty to suddenly be without a job. I know it may damage my prospects at better employment in the future. I know it would complicate things with Wife. But… it certainly comes to mind.

Last updated January 10, 2018