Hitting The Fan in A New Chapter

So, yesterday things finally tipped over. Backtrack about 2 years ago, I was living at home and things were getting miserable. For a young male in his 20's, living at home in the modern age can be a bit difficult. Specially if you are sharing a home with 3 other people. My mother has always had quite a soft spot for my sister. My mother had a pretty rough childhood so she lives vicariously through her. I don't blame her nor hold it against her really. However, whenever it came to decision making time between my sister and I, it was obvious who my mother was siding with.

Overall, the situation was getting pretty tense. My sister complained that she could not have friends over because I was always in the living room on the computer, PS3, etc. I work at night, so it was a bullshit claim. I finally left and got my own place.

I had never moved out before and I was super excited. It was a big step for me. I was looking forward to picking up new responsibilities, decorating, being able to do whatever I want when I felt like it, etc. My house has 4 bedrooms: mine, one that I use for storage/art studio, roommate and the "guest" room. My father helped to pay some of the costs for the house (paperwork) and it helped him..at the time, I was working part-time for his business and it would allow him to have a write off.

He wanted a room to come by every now and then when he was in town. At the time my father was getting ready to move out of Northern New Jersey with his wife, Pilar. He was living up there because of her and she quit her big corporate accounting job. My father runs his own company so he could be anywhere he wanted. They finally decided to call it a day and move to Costa Rica. There, my dad could run the business from its base of operations/distribution centers. She was looking forward to opening an accounting business.

They came and dropped off a bunch of stuff at my house. Most of it went in the garage. I did not mind. In a weird plot twist, she decides not to open a business and took a job from an independent company in Mexico City. This blew away a lot of us. They were now even farther apart than before.

The months rolled by and there was no sign of him moving south. It turned funny, I remember telling people about my living situation..but yet I was often saying my dad is over..when he was supposed to be using the "guest room." Don't get me wrong..my dad does tons of stuff when he is here..he invites me out to lunch, he mows the lawn, fixes things, etc. However, I am also waiting for that part that I can start my adult private life away from my family.

To top it off, I have a roommate. This is the part that I feel things get complicated. Culturally, I don't know if roommates are as common outside the US. I don't know if my dad understands the concept of a roommate. However, she is entitled to her own private time as well. She is an adult woman. Now, people aren't running up to be my roommate. Most people I know are in the situation I was in 2 years ago. "Hey! want to move with me and pay rent and live with my dad?" why? when they can stay at home and not pay their parents?

There has been this tension for the past few months regarding the topic. My dad is not staying a lot here because he has always traveled tons. He is now getting ready to apply for his US citizenship. Why now? beyond me. He could have gotten it easily years ago. A few weeks back he explains to me that the reason he spent so much time here over the last 1.5 years is because of that..you need to spend a certain time in the country to be able to apply.

I tell him that I don't have a problem with him having a room in the house, I just never expected him to show up so often. I would say that in an average month, he spends about 65-75% of the month here. Is it irrational of me? is it cruel? as a young man to want to have a private life?

We reached a deal. Things would improve, he just asked for time until march and then he would not be around as much. I agreed.

Last night, things got sour.

My dad invites me out to a drink at a local bar. I showed up and we are talking. In all fairness, I was in a pretty good mood. I was having a decent day and I was enjoying myself. Just as my drink is arriving (Thai Boxer) my father says:

"Did you see your sister?" "No..I saw her earlier at lunch at my mom's house..why?" "Oh she was going to drop by and use my laptop to do college work"

Apparently, my sister's computer does not have MS Word. How you get through college that way? I have no idea. I was not mad at the fact she went over for that. I was mad at the fact that I was the last person to find out about it. I had told my roommate she could have the house to herself Sunday night. I would be out all night with my dad for drinks, dinner, etc..it worked out great.

I start texting my mom, asking her about it, what's going on, etc. My sister is not at fault in any way, shape or form so I did not contact her. My mom is ignoring me. However, my dad is next to me and I ca see them exchanging texts.

My drink finally arrives. I am very tense at this point. When things like this happen, I just get quiet because if I go..I go. As I am taking my sip..my dad says:

"I have been talking to the lawyer" "I heard..still aiming for March?" "Nah..more like May now" "I thought it was March.." "Yeah but May is just better due to a trip I am taking" ".."

I locked up and didn't say anything else. Between the awkwardness of the discussion, people cheering for the Superbowl..it was too much. He keeps asking if I want to leave, that I had no obligation to be with him. As we leave, what really set me off is..

He pats me on the back and says "Don't worry..ill be gone by March so you don't have to be bothered with me again."

The guilt trip thing just pissed me the fuck off. I just lost it at that point and left. I wanted to say so much but knew it was smart to keep my mouth shut. Now I am a disrespectful, ungrateful, etc son. I don't feel like I am asking much. I basically moved out, bought my own house and have lived with my father for the last year and a half. I just want to grow as a person and have some privacy. He does not pay me rent of course, he just pays the electric bill which is usually low.

My mother never replied to me. I could call her but I am not going to.

I need to sleep. I am so upset over this.

Oh..icing on the cake.

A while back my dad added me on fB. I think it was an accident but whatever. I accepted. Tonight he posts the ending speech the father gives in "Gran Torino." He writes something among the lines of "its strange how family is not always loyal and it is others outside the family that are..etc,etc."

I wish he would look back and remember all I have done for him over the years..as I do the same for him..