Parties in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

I didn’t respond to any of the notes on my last entry, but I am grateful for all of the condolences, I truly am, I just don’t think I can handle the reality of it all right now, and I’ve had so many people expressing their sorrow for the situation that it’s getting to a point where I’m just feeling like an asshole for even bringing it up if it’s just going to bring everyone down.

Anway.

Last night I went to a holiday party that Brittany threw with her roomate, Erica.
It was a pretty fantastic party.
They did the decorations up really nice, and they spent all day baking so there were tons of snacks and sweets.
Right around 7:30 we had a champagne toast, which was pretty fun. I had a glass of champagne and that’s all I drank the entire party, I was riding pretty high on a redbull and I smoked a couple of bowls with the lovely ladies of the party.

It was much needed…the first normal feeling night I’ve had in a long time, and it was the most fun I’ve had in a LONG long time. Just really great company and conversation and the Christmas music didn’t even bother me at all, it all felt in place with the fireplace video on the big screen and the giant Christmas tree right next to it. It was all just perfect.

I went home around 10, and got home around 11, and for some reason I decided to drink a 40 of mickeys and then a tallboy of Coors…and I didn’t really eat anything the whole day except for a little bit of spinach dip at the party, so I woke up today feeling pretty gross.

My appetite has been gone lately, nothing sounds good at all to me and eating is just difficult and gross.

I’ve also decided that I am eating like shit lately when I do eat…I need to start cooking again and eating fruits and vegetables again…I’ve seriously just been eating out almost every meal lately and it has been shit food almost every time…I’m starting to feel it, I feel like shit, and my stomach is always feeling upset.

Let’s see…what else?

I think that’s probably pretty much it.

I love you.

I’ll start writing more again when I start feeling better I’m sure…I’m still kind of wobbly, still kind of trying to just…find my faith in humanity or something.
I don’t know.

I got some acid today, I’m probably going to take some of it tomorrow night, we’ll see where that takes me.

anyway…yeah…love you.

• Dane