These blurbs were not written during Working Hours but during Lunch Hours, a demanded 15 minutes break, and at the end of the day

BLURB 1
I really appreciate the “Past Entries On This Day” section in Prosebox. Especially lately, it has been an excellent way of reviewing where I was to see where I am. Like last year in the entry Cptn Crs. It showed me that JOB was getting better, COMMUNITY was getting worse. Which helps explain the weird feelings I have right now about the situation in general. Working with Ran could have made me a better prosecutor and I could have stayed prosecuting. However, the fact that the county only has 1 attorney in the office at present also suggests that the County was looking to downsize my position anyway, so I was better off not waiting around. (Which says to me: I would have wound up with NO Job or THIS Job at some point anyway). Also reading about the community again is just… downright depressing. So… it is an interesting issue. JOB would have been better (for however long it would have lasted) but LIFE would have been literally surrounded by misery. Here? JOB sucks but LIFE has points of light. Like… I have a social event scheduled for this month.... I can see my parents or brother whenever I so choose. Instead of being surrounded by a community of people who have honestly given up on life; I’m in a community that is growing. Important to remember. But still? Tough to balance with perspective. Job, here, is (sometimes) a 60 hour exercise in rage, frustration, and personal discomfort. And when you have that, it can be hard to look beyond. I do still wish with all of my heart that I could have stayed a Prosecutor… and maybe some day I’ll get back there… I really hope I do… and I really hope it is sooner than later… but it is important to look back and remind myself of these things. JOB was getting better; COMMUNITY was (statistically, scientifically proven) one of the worst in Iowa. So… instead of honoring my Wife’s request for “Top 10 Iowa Counties” I will adjust my sensors back to “At least not the Bottom 10 Iowa Counties.” Because… there are a lot of ways to survive in Iowa. And after the last three years? Traveling for 2 hours or more every week is the standard now not an exception. Granted… that actually doesn’t help much as I’ve been applying for all of the Prosecutor Jobs I could except a Temporary Part Time Job (would have lasted 4 month, 12 hours a week)… but the principal of the thing is liberating, I suppose.

BLURB 2
Holy crap. One of the weirdest things that my firm asks me to do? TRANSLATION. I was hired as an English Speaker. I was told that I would not have to learn Chinese. White Boss, who is married to a Chinese Woman and visits China regularly, does not speak Chinese. Yet, I am asked to help with translations....!? It usually involves me looking over a document that was “translated” to English by a Chinese speaker and then pointing out all of the places things are incorrect. Usually, the translation has small problems. Like an example would be: “The party stop at crosswalks, to see many children play when I was there that day.” The translation would be: “The party stopped at the crosswalk and saw many children playing.” That kind of thing. But I just spent an hour on a translation and I have no idea if it is anywhere close to what the Chinese were saying! Sample Sentence: “Since the prefecture and municipality was set up in Party more than ten years ago, Party have remembered Party’s Father’s earnest entrust- “Party must be constructed well”, made full use of the superiorities of politics, region and resource, made great efforts for new industry, modern agriculture and tourism completely united and bravely, made the economy and society developing continuously, rapidly and soundly.”

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANY OF THAT COULD MEAN

I certainly tried to suggest an edit. We’ll see what happens. Definitely considered

Though, while my brain was trying to reason all of that out… something came to mind.
Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother. Marshall always wanted to be an Environmental Lawyer, but had to work at other places when he couldn’t get a job at an Environmental Law Firm. Marshall passed the bar in 2007 (arguably, from the show’s weird timeline) and does not work at an Environmental Firm until (arguably) 2011. And even that sort of doesn’t work out exactly. Marshall isn’t “set and happy in his career” until 2018. What does this mean? Even in a television show where the writers act as “arbiters of fate” and are the ones who dictate when Good Things Happen to the Characters (that we are supposed to like and see good things happen to)..... It takes Marshall 4 years to get “Right Job, Right City”. And it takes 11 years to get “Best Job, Best City.” Now… while it is true… this is my 4th year out of law school, this will only be my third year since passing the bar. Something to keep in mind.

Though, while writing that I was reminded of another TV Character… a Character I was often compared to growing up. Chandler Bing. Chandler hates his job. Honestly, truly hates his job. And stays with it for MOST of the series. Until he quits to be with his family. Granted, Chandler falls into an internship that gives him a dream job in advertising after that but… this is the spectrum.

CHANDLER: Stays at a job forever until he literally has to chose between Wife and Work.
MARSHALL: Works hard at various law firms before getting a job in the practice he wants, and even then isn’t in a Dream Job for quite a while.

I suck at patience. I suck at patience. Especially when I am working hard and seeing few results. But… I have to remind myself of these things. If even the Blessed and Fate-Assisted TV Characters have these job things… I should just… figure out how to deal.
That being said though? I am, and can still be, sad or frustrated or upset that I am (1) here and/or (2) struggling.

BLURB 3
Yeah. I think, above all, my issues with this work place are honestly on me. I mean… Muse and Dylan think this place is run poorly, but they like it because this is very much what they are accustomed to from prior work in China. My old High School swimming semi-buddy will likely do great here. But me? Not so much. Chinese Boss asked me 4 questions today that she shouldn’t have. Not “shouldn’t have” because I’m so important or anything. “Shouldn’t have” because… she e-mailed me these questions yesterday, I answered them immediately. If she isn’t checking her e-mail, getting her e-mail, or remembering her e-mail.... issue. Especially on an inverse of power issue. If she had e-mailed me “Be at Lao Wei Qin’s at 9:30 tomorrow” and I never got it? I would be damned close to getting fired. Plus… I just set up someone’s probation. AND (get this)… a client on the other side of the State… their case was “too complicated” for me to handle so White Boss took it (fine, don’t care). EXCEPT a lawyer needs to be present in the courtroom for this case now. So… even though it is his case… guess who has to drive across the state to be the Present Lawyer next week. YUP. Again… “easy” money. Honestly. Because I would NOT allow these people to ask me to drive 4 hours that day without just compensation. But at the same time… money is very well defined in my Perspective/World View. More so than most of the people I know (not bragging just… had interesting experiences). MONEY IS NECESSARY. Obviously. but MONEY SHOULDN’T BE WHAT MATTERS MOST. This isn’t some “elitist, affluent asshole” lecturing on that. Some of the happiest places in the world aren’t basking in wealth. Instead, they are basking in relationships and connections and what matters. So, there is a balance that is essential. You can’t sacrifice family and friends for the highest pay check you can get. Because while you may be making $298,000 a year; if you only see the people that care about you once a year… is it really worth it? Conversely, you need to get paid what you are worth. If you put in 40 hours a week, you should make $20,000 or more. Period. People should be paid what they are worth but they should not sacrifice what matters to be paid obscenely.
Another thing that adds to my weird issues around here.

I was talking to some lawyers I trust who have done private for a while. They said their first two years, they always wanted to quit. Hated the job. Were miserable. Cried at night. Because they were putting in hours, working as hard as they could, and weren’t making shit for money. I hear them. I do. I understand what they are trying to say, too. But… the honest truth? That is how they felt while they were working the kind of law they wanted to be doing. And that is how they felt serving clients whose primary language is English. These people WANTED to be Private Attorneys that took Civil and Defense Cases serving their own communities. This is what they wanted to do with their lives. Which seems like a unique difference. Because my first year in private? Yes, I’ve wanted to quit. I’ve hated the job. I’ve been miserable. I’ve cried at night. Because I’m putting in hours, working as hard as I can, and I’m not making shit for money. But the honest truth? This is how I feel while I am working the exact kind of law I don’t want to do. Serving clients whose primary language is Chinese; a language I can’t speak, read, or understand. Not making excuses, just offering the extra layer. Being an attorney is hard, it is tough, and there are a LOT of absolutely miserable lawyers in the world. And I get that. I got that. I think this is just the point in my spirit where I am (or am trying) to reconcile my choices that led me here. I had a version of my dream job. But it was a version from The Upside Down. I wasn’t going to become a brilliant lawyer there; hell, I likely would have been downsized within the year anyway. If I wanted to have my dream job and BE GOOD at it, I knew I couldn’t do it there. And the community is… was… well… if you were over 60, you were the majority. If you were between 20 and 60… you probably had trouble putting food on the table. If you were under 25… you probably have had a run in w/the sheriffs due to drinking or drugs.

It is funny… I keep all of the windows in the office open (unless other attorneys object). They think I’m weird because the majority of our “view” is just other, taller buildings. But that is what I’m used to. Des Moines, Omaha… places with buildings. Sure it isn’t New York or Chicago… but it isn’t Tiny Town. I had pictures from the tallest non-Grain Elevator building in the county… it was the 4 story Court House. Seriously.

So… I’m convincing myself that I’m better here. This time last year versus this time now? I’m better off here. In most of the ways that matter, I’m better off here. But… I also keep thinking

So… while I am going to continue to try and do the best I can here… I’m going to keep trying, keep hoping that there is SOME way to get where I want to be, need to be. It won’t be easy. If I want to stay in DM, it is almost impossible to get a Prosecutor job. True story. They hire Interns or Friends. I know that now because I’ve learned it from the source. But there are 9 other places that fit with both Wife’s wishes and mine. Technically? There are 30. Now… that still isn’t a slam dunk. If history is any judge, there are maybe 7 to 10 Prosecution jobs that come open every year. Out of 99 counties. There are too many variables involved for my math challenged brain to do anything intelligent or advanced but… arguably, that means the likelihood of any ONE county having an opening in a given year is 10%. HOPEFULLY (though, honestly, there are NO guarantees) I improve as an attorney and can find a way to distinguish myself from other attorneys in a positive way. So maybe (because I need to convince myself that there are better things on the horizon) I have a chance… a chance at getting back to a Prosecutor’s Office by the time I hit 40. I know, I hit 40… Wife will be 44… and it will be harder than ever to have a kid if we decide to have one. I don’t know. I like reaching for goals. I like having a dream and working toward it (despite the fact that coming close to success and failing is emotionally devastating). So… maybe I should make a dream.
Either I’m a Prosecutor or a Judge or Paid $200,000 per year by the time I’m 40. GOALS.

BLURB 4
It isn’t the same, and I know that, but I’m starting to think that my experiences here could help me write a Children’s Story about a Dog that was bred by caring humans to protect livestock from predator animals; but is then required to protect predator animals (due to being endangered) from poacher humans. Coping with that feeling of not being there for the Creatures You Are Supposed to Protect. Coping with that feeling of turning on the people that bred/trained you. Protecting the very Creatures that you’ve seen do terrible and damaging things. Maybe it isn’t a theme kids should be exposed to.

I believed in what I was doing as a prosecutor against Drunk Driving. I still believe in prosecuting drunk driving. And Chinese Boss says what everybody else I know says: “We all do it. Everybody makes the mistake.” AND you know what? I can’t say they are wrong. I drove home once, ONCE, when I was too drunk to drive. It was during a massive rain storm and I knew as soon as I hit the highway that I should not have continued. I am embarrassed and ashamed of that. I got home okay, no accident, no injuries, no impaired driving (honestly). But it was a stupid thing to do and I’ve never done it again. But I believe in “going easy” on first time offenders. It is literally what I did as a prosecutor! The 20 year old who got his OWI 1? I offered him a deferred judgment. Because that is the right call. You prove to me this was a mistake and we’ll forget about it. You mess up again, I’ll burn you for it. THAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO! Prosecutors offer my clients that deal? I want to take it. Immediately. Because I know it is the right thing to do. But I can’t. Because Chinese Clients have “special needs” and a deferred may mean they can’t go back to China for a visit. Which is when I want to bust out my most offensive sarcastic voice and say, “I’m sorry, did being punished for breaking the law inconvenience you?” So… yeah. Prosecutor in me knows what a fair and just plea deal is. 1st Offense, no accident with breathalyzer: Deferred. 1st Offense, no accident, no breathalyzer: Minimums. 1st Offense, accident, breathlyzer: Minimums w/6 months probation and restitution. 1st Offense accident, no breathlyzer: 7 days in jail plus restitution. 2nd Offense, no accident with breathlyzer: Minimums.

I won’t keep going on… but it is obvious. It is simple. It is justice. But because our clients are Chinese, my bosses require me to act like the right thing, the simple thing, the JUST thing is too much for these kids to face. Can you tell that it bothers me?

BLURB 5
I saved this for last because it is what it is.
Chinese Boss’ car wouldn’t start this morning and she needed to call a special place to help. They couldn’t get to her until this afternoon. She asked me to drive her home to meet them.
IOWAN NICE GUY: No problem. I have no issue giving someone a ride during the winter because their car wouldn’t start. When we wake up to negative temperatures, it happens. No worries.
LAWYER and EMPLOYEE: So… you can’t get an uber or a taxi? Seriously? Because driving you back to your place and returning to the office is literally $24 of my time. Seriously.

All of this made worse by the fact that when we got to my car, she tried to sit in the back seat. No. I didn’t unlock those doors. No. I’m not going to. I’m not a taxi. I’m not your cab. I’m not getting paid to drive you. Call me a dick for making a woman sit in the front seat and all; but Chinese Boss (1) asking for a favor that (2) costs me money… I am not going to be cool with her in the backseat like some kind of ride-share customer.

BLURB 6
So, one could say that I am looking for work. I have a job, hooray. But I am keeping my eyes open and actively looking for work. Career Builder sent me this, saying that the average time between STARTING to look for work and FINDING A JOB is 2.5 months. And that looking for work is one of the most stressful things a person can do. And then they shared this:
WHEN RECRUITERS CALL YOU AT YOUR CURRENT JOB

WHEN YOU GO HOME FROM WORKING ALL DAY AND WANT TO SLEEP (BUT YOU HAVE TO FILL OUT AN APPLICATION)

WHEN YOU PANIC BECAUSE YOU USED THE WORK PRINTER TO PRINT YOUR RESUME AND THE PRINTER GETS STUCK

WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO JUGGLE WORK ASSIGNMENTS AND RESUMES AND INTERVIEWS

WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO RESCHEDULE MEETINGS CLANDESTINELY SO YOU CAN GO TO AN INTERVIEW

WHEN YOU HAVE TO RACE TO AN INTERVIEW AFTER LEAVING WORK

WHEN YOU TRY TO EARN AS MUCH AS YOU ARE WORTH BUT THE INTERVIEWER ASKS WHAT YOU MADE AT YOUR LAST JOB

WHEN YOU ARE INTERVIEWING AT A PLACE WITH A DIFFERENT DRESS CODE AND PERSONALITY THAN YOUR CURRENT PLACE OF WORK

WHEN YOU NEED TO PROVIDE REFERENCES BUT YOU DON’T WANT ANYONE AT WORK TO KNOW YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A NEW JOB

WHEN YOU FINALLY GET THE NEW JOB