security aisle 11 dec. 16th. 'coco' movie. charger best buy bus xmas get together thing. valerie keep up or miss out thing hard to follow. 'waitress' my ex. a christmas story when i was little. in 2017. got it.

so. I was thinking more about the security aisle 11 thing that happened dec. 16th. well and then sometime after that it happened again. and I walked slowly out of the store and had my receipts in my outer pockets for that reason. so they could talk to me about........doing the thing that i’d never done. like yes i put my groceries in my bags. but only after i’ve purchased them. and if there’s something i don’t want i’ll put it back on a shelf though not always in the same place. See there are 2 ways this could go. either a this’ll keep happening they’ll keep saying for security to scan the aisle i’m in and never talk to me about it. or 2. they’ll wait long enough and eventually pounce on me.
and it’s weird bc. I’ve been going to that store since like july. and it was only after i’d run into eevan there that that started happening.........that they made a call over the PA system to have security scan the exact aisle I’m in. that’s, oddly specific. so nothing’s actually happened in that regard other than that. People have this weird way of talkling to people about something without actually.talking to them about w/ it is.
so like i said I saw that ‘coco’ movie w/ my mom & sister. i didn’t like it all that much. like i wouldn’t reccommend it. it was i don’t know. firstoff it’s a male driven story. also i thought they were making a parody of Frida. not using her as a character.
oh right so the charger Best Buy bus thing. well. yeah so the Best Buy I went to on that Sat. is byb the home depot area. so like i said i took 2 buses to get there and by the time I got there I wouldn’t’ve had enough time to get back so when I was ready I called the lady from home depot and explained to her why. the timing and everything. I went to safeway the one I used to go to. It was nice to be back there but also weird.
omygod. so when I mentioned the keep up or miss out thing regarding Valerie that.was in reference to something else. that was in reference to her being a bit behind conversationally. and no one else seems to have that big a problem w/ it so i think it’s something on her end. I’m not giving her a 3rd option and I’m not going to sit there and take the time out of my day to explain it to her. i know i’m hard to follow but i don’t think i’m that hard to follow honestly. yeah i once even asked evan that and he said ‘no’. but he also knows me quite well so.
yeah like i’d mentioned the other day I was telling valerie something about my grandfather.......I think it was........that he only talks about himself and for some reason she thought I was talking about discpline. i had prior to that asked her something about her mom and her upbringing. but those are 2 completely different things. me talking about my grandfather’s ways and her mom and her upbringing. and when she thought i was talking about discpline she explained that that’s just how it was. as though i’m 4 and need to be told everyone’s side of things like i can’t figure that out on my own. but it’s more her being a bit behind that bothers me.
oh yeah. so like i mentioned I saw ‘waitress’ w/ my mom & my aunt. It’s about a waitress of course. she’s in the south who’s in an unhappy marriage w/ her abusive husband. yeah that was um hard to watch. it’s not graphic or detailed but yeah. oh and she has a baby. the music’s by sara bareilles. my ex was like that. abusive i mean.
That’s not why we broke up. People knew things were happening my friend Mark knew. he never told me what to do about it or anything. it was only after everything happened near 5 yrs. ago that my parents found out my ex had threatened me. they don’t know about the other 2 things actually most people don’t. my ex let’s see here......um he threatened me. he insulted me prior to us going into a head shop about that event. oh and he verbally abused me. jazmin his roommate Max’s girlfriend. well she had her baby lily in april and i swear if my ex ever does anything to that little girl........but see far as i know jazmin and Max don’t know about the things my ex did. no of course not cause he only did those things when it was just him i. and they’re more his friends then mine so. and really. i don’t think it’s my place to tell them.either. ya know? i don’t trust my ex would you trust this guy? well hopefully not. i don’t dislike a lot of people to this level but once when evan & I were talking about it he went ‘you really don’t like this guy do you?’ no actually i don’t. and that and the thing that happened the last night i was at stephanie’s. and by ‘that’ i mean my ex threatening me. is the reason i will hopefully always walk away or hang up or leave before it gets to that point w/ me.
and I don’t think it should matter. how often those kinds of things happen just that they happen. or happened. by the way i haven’t gotten at my ex in 2 or 3 yrs. and that’s why. I don’t like being that woman and i’m not proud of it but um yeah. I was that woman and it’s, a part of me and a part of my life. i really hope he [my ex that is stays single]. not, bc that’s how much i dislike him. but for other women who’d date him. There aren’t a lot of my exes that i dislike this much.
um so yeah. waitress. and my ex.
so onto........a christmas story. Maya Rudolph was good in it. Having not seen the original I thought at the beginning wh en when they were singing about the pink bunny thing that was a reference to Easter. but no.
so also. like i’d mentioned cause i’d mentioned a lot lately. I was thinking about what happened when i was little. and about karlye. karlye, for those who don’t know/have forgotten, was a friend of mine who um.well she offed herself when she was 16. [actually we were both born in ‘87 but i in august she in october.]. and the last thing she said to me in elementary school was ‘i don’t want to be your friend anymore’. and actually she took me outside and did it. which now that i think about it was a very mature and profound thing for an 11 yr. old to do. to go outside for something like that where not very many people were.
i cried a lot in elementary school i remember that. oh and the principle the second princple we had blamed me for what happened. but from what i remember he wasn’t a bad person, exactly, but he sure didn’t ‘try’ very hard to be a good one either. The first princple was great from what i recall.
The interesting thing about karlye. [and well there are quite a few] is that even though she herself was a minority [she’d apparently been adopted her mother’s this blue eyed blonde] she was nice to me. and ya know so was this other guy who’s mother was from Iraq. which well that never bothered me and it still doesn’t.
but a few of the students who were minorities weren’t um.nice to me. yeah so abuse starts at an early age for some people. and by some people too.
and some of them. like they didn’t talk to me but they didn’t talk about me either ya know? which i didn’t think of it in these terms untill recently.
um wow.