things from may 5 yrs. ago. kate stuff. lee thing. xmas gift. phone send tones thing. xmas cookies. in 2017. got it.

um so lately. i’ve been thinking about things from May 5 yrs. ago. when I moved out of my apt. and evan um left it.
so. on Thurs. the bus dropped me off at my mom’s. well my sister was there. like outside. and she let us into the house and she’s ‘want to make sure you don’t get robbed’ and I’m ‘in the house? ok’ incredously. i don’t want to think she was kidding. my god i’m not 4. I don’t need someone to protect me in broad fukin daylight. [ok the first time i was raped it was daylight. it was cloudy that day and somewhere secluded. i was 17.]. she wasn’t there when i was raped. and it seems like she wants to make up for those times. well i don’t like that. She’s not my mother or my older sister and it’s time she stopped acting like she was. maybe she thinks my our mom doesn’t do enough well i think she does. I like, that my mom’s not like that. yeah the reason I stopped calling my sister is cause in the past when I have she’s answered ‘are you ok?’. what can’t a woman just call her sister w/o there being anything wrong? cause godamn. whenever someone calls me i answer w/ ‘hi’ or ‘you called?’. [which well obviously they called.].
like something’s really gonna happen to me during the day. [well ok it might..........]. and if it did she’d be the last person i’d tell. right bc of this.
alrite so this guy Lee. i think i’ve mentioned him. I’ve known him since HS. He’s a nice guy but he’s pretty unreliable. So on fb the other day he posted of him downtown holding a hand warmer. which he was handing out to the homeless people. and it’s not the act i have a problem w/. it’s the photo. Whenever I help homeless people [ok so i either give money or talk to them] i don’t post photos. it’s like ‘look. look how much better i’m doing then others. look at how great i am.’. right yeah ok. it’s a bit idinno showy. yeah it bothered me.
So for xmas I got. itunes from my parents, a book and a shirt from my dad. um an elephant art piece and body wash from my sister. and a fandor movie pass as well as an actual.movie pass from my aunt. it’s this subscription service.
and I gave. well the usual. hot chocolate, candy, tissues, lotion, vaseline, poetry. and cinnamon and cayenne pepper. I gave my sister a um Noodles gift card the real reason being she’s so incredibly vain and that’s why i didn’t get her a sephora.gift card. it’s not bc she loves Noodles. [although she does.love noodles.].
actually i got 2 books from my dad. one of them is a book of christian reese lassen his art. and the shirt’s from the museum. where he works. [my dad i mean. not the artist guy.]. oh i also got socks from my mom and also for, my mom. they were socks she’d bought for me but i didn’t like the color so. oh I gave her a photo I took back in oct. of the pumpkins at whole foods. apparently she loves pumpkins but that’s not why i gave it to her. I gave it to her.cause of the light in the photo as she’d once mentioned she loves that light.
from my aunt who lives in d.c. I got a pencil sharpener from the nat’l gallery. and it’s funny cause i don’t even use pencils and when I do they’re the mechanical kind. still a cool gift though. oh I also got.a small elephant figure from my dad. yeah when I started to open it my mom goes ‘it’s a rock!’. oh Mom. my dad got it in kenya. i love elephants i’ve collected them for the last.6 yrs. or so. [well not real ones.].
for xmas i always want the same 2 things. music and something meaningful.
so remember. when i was having trouble w/ my new phone? w/ the touchpad thingy? well i figured something out. if i go to ‘send tones’ during the phone call then it’ll work.
um...........right so my mom. got these supergood christmas cookies from her boss’ wife which.....i don’t understand how, if she’s her own boss, [she’s a CPA. it means she does people’s taxes] that she has.a boss. i asked her about that once and all she said was ‘it’s complicated’. uh ok. she told mr. boss’ wife is a really great cook. when they’ve had meetings [which is also weird cause my mom doesn’t have any coworkers at her CPA job] she the wife has brought stuff. yeah the cookies were supergood like i’d mentioned. they were like big as big as my hands [i have small hands]. and soft and white and decorated. a few of them had faces on them and i thought that was weird.
i miss baking. Back when I had my apt. when i baked i’d listen to diana krall. i’d bake muffins. i don’t think i ever used an oven timer i used a um egg timer an egg timer. I could bake at my mom’s. yeah actually the 2 nights our microwave wasn’t working i baked my mac & cheese. i don’t have a muffin tin though...........so........i’ll get one some day. my mom doesn’t have one either. it’s a lot of cleanup whihch i don’t mind. like when i’m baking by myself..... i haven’t baked in a long time.
i realised recently that valerie is like my sister. er the sibling i have that i’m not related to. they’re both way too nice. honestly the real reason they haven’t met each other is cause of that.
oh yeah so for the past. 2 3 yrs. Sachiko the nice japanese lady who’s a tenant of my parents. has baked us these xmas cookies. and she did that this yr too. and travis their other.uh tenant gave us toffee.