Pictures of beauty in the midst of winter in Daydreaming on the Porch
- Feb. 3, 2014, 12:53 a.m.
- |
- Public
"Nature is painting for us, day after day, pictures of infinite beauty."
John Ruskin
''Give fools their gold, and knaves their power; Let fortune's bubbles rise and fall; Who sows a field, or trains a flower, Or plants a tree, is more than all.''
John Greenleaf Whittier (1807-1892), U.S. poet. A Song of Harvest.
Today at the gardens, I found a brief golden respite of an hour or so from the pressures and anxiety and constant demands of caregiving. Leaving the house where I hardly stopped for a minute to just be by myself, the garden with its long rays of late afternoon sunlight, lets me actually "be." Being there gave me time to daydream and think about life at those moments rather than being constantly distracted.
My mother, whose dementia slowly progresses month by month is aware and yet oblivious to the toll it is taking on me. Sometimes she will say, "You think I should be in a nursing home? Am I too much for you?" I tell her "No, of course not, Mom." But there are times when I feel this is a bit of a lie. Just when I have lost just about every bit of patience I have left from her incessant repeating of things, moments of lucidity appear and I realize how much of her self-awareness and memories of her past are left. Quite a lot.
Today I saw many small camellias in bloom, defying the bitter cold and ice of last week to do what camellia in winter do: show forth their astonishing beauty and color in the midst of the coldest days of the year. How amazing, how miraculous is that?
Ashley ⋅ February 03, 2014
Dementia is cruel, and a heart breaker. My Mother just died last Monday after four and a half years of this illness. I was her caregiver and it just about broke me. She was aware of me and who I was but for the last year she could not talk. All we had was holding hands and looking at each with love. As much as I wish she was still with me, at least she is at peace. Now what do I do to fill the hole in my heart. Treasure your time with her and God Bless you for being there for her.
gypsy spirit ⋅ February 03, 2014
its wonderful to find you here now too, thanks for letting me know. I do cherish the beauty and warmth of your entries.
Its always harder on the family than the patient when some has dementia....you are doing very well but I do hope you are able to get away some time for a proper break....a day out is great but you need a real rest, emotionally and physically. Can you not find someone to do respite care of her for a week or so?
Take care, hugs p
Deleted user ⋅ February 04, 2014
Dementia, ...a horrible illness. My dad was a caregiver for many years and I took over in the weekends. Mom could not talk for about two years. Sometimes she was aware of us sometimes not. Now we are glad we kept het home until she died, but it was very very hard! Your mom is so lucky she has you. Try to take enough time to be on you own, in nature... Take care. HUG.
Eriu ⋅ February 05, 2014
I have you bookmarked! It wouldn't have been the same to be here without your presence.
You know you're doing the greatest thing a son can do. She's still thinking like a mom when she asks if she's too much to handle, but you answer her with love. We're all out here, sending you our best wishes that we wish could be warm hugs.
gentlebreeze ⋅ February 13, 2014
"To love a person is to learn the song in their heart and sing it to them when they have forgotten."
You are the song in your mother's heart dear friend. May God bless and watch over you both.
Margaret ⋅ February 12, 2018
I found you and I'm reading. This entry - such a delicate and thoughtful juxtaposition of your mother and flowers in winter
Oswego Margaret ⋅ February 16, 2018
So glad you found the entries. I have 19 Dementia related entries on PB. I’m going to gather them together in one document and eventually try to get it into book form.