It is what it is in A New Chapter

I am not really sure what to think anymore.
Am I wasting my time trying to rescue a relationship that is doomed? the last year and a half has been a disaster. Lately, or rather in recent months, I can’t even tell if it’s my fault or not.
Things go through spurs in which things seem to go decently and then go down an out of control spiral in a matter of a day or two.
We had a fight tonight, in it, I told her that I do care about her. While listing the reasons, I told her that I think she is talented and a great performer. I have been taking days off work so I can be present at all of her shows. She was surprised and asked me why I didn’t tell her. I did tell her, back in January and I reminded her of such. She then started talking about how she has so much shit going on she can’t remember it all. It’s true but my point was never acknowledged.

I don’t really know what to do anymore.
She is locked alone in our room right now.
Crazily enough, part of the issues comes from her health. She resents me because I have access to healthcare and she does not. I offered to pay for some of her costs but she won’t have it.
When we originally went to Costa Rica, she got mad at me because she didn’t have time to see enough doctors. We went for a wedding and we were only there for a total of..maybe 5-6 days. Two doctors I was able to get her speaking with both acknowledged that in order to do all that was necessary she would need to visit with more time, maybe a few weeks.

She reminded me of this again. That she didn’t have the time and it was my fault because I didn’t book everything on time. She says I don’t care about her even though I paid for those appointments and her dentist visit.

Am I fucking taking crazy pills here?

The previous healthcare issues I have dealt with in the past, some which have been discussed here, make her angry. It makes her angry that I was able to get the care I needed fast and that it felt unfair to her. That I don’t understand what it feels like to have her problems. She is right, I don’t, I don’t have the same organs.

Did she understand what I went through? I was not really allowed to raise the same argument.

She said she feels alone in the world, that she can’t get the help she needs.
I told her that there are some things I can help her with but some of her problems are financial. As usual, I offered to pay for some of her issues. I offered to pay for her to see doctors. Then she says she does not want my money.

This is all going on through her period and it seems that it happens around this time every month. I brought it up once, just once, and she flipped the fuck out. It’s not a coincidence. We know there are things wrong with her hormones, with her crazy strong periods. She is angry her doctors have not been able to help her and frankly, I would be too. She has gone to several over the years and they just give her birth control, which she can’t take because it makes her completely ill.

Whatever. I am just venting.