Fat girl, healthier life?, weddings expensive in Misadventures of West Virginia Woman

I weigh 200 pounds. I am 5 ft 3 obviously overweight. I have large breasts most celebrities would love to pay for. I break a bra once every 2 weeks. I cry when my bra breaks. Straps, underwires not made for girls my size. Dolly Parton has hers professionally made. Lucky her got the money!

The rest of my body is a average. I wear size 16s i can wiggle into 15s if i want the pants to cut at my stomach. I am no where near a models size.

I have no intentions of starving myself. Several times in my life i did because my family told me a man can only love me if i was thin. I remember when i was 16 my biggest fear was becoming a size 16. Now here i am 30 years old thinking i was delusional as a teenager. My dad says i am ugly and fat yet he forgets we weigh around the same weight. God i hate a double standards.

I hate shopping anymore because most cute clothes comes in junior sizes. Instead of starving i am going to order my clothes online. I accept i am a curvy woman. There is no use of hating myself. Self love is so important.

I plan to start eating healthier. I work as a guard i walk a lot! Exercise isnt the problem. My problem is the fast food i have been buying. I think i am going to start pepping my meals. I love fruits and veggies. I bet i can save lots of money.

I might want to look up Keto diet. My aunt Becky lost 70 pounds on that. She looks a lot healthier now.

I tried to talk to Talan my fiance about this diet he got angry saying i didnt find him attractive because of his weight. I met him curvy i am fine him looking like this i just fear for his health.He is 5x weighs around 380 pounds. I fear he is going to die of a young age of a heart attack or another medical disease involving his weight. He get angry with me but he needs to understand. He is the man i want to grow old with. I dont want him dying at 40. 40 is very young!

I love him as he is but i feel both of us need to live a better lifestyle. Even if i dont lose a pound if i just wasnt tired all the time maybe i could accomplish something..anything.

Tomorrow is new years. My new years resolutions? I want to fix my car, collect money to pay off the mobile home, collect money to buy property so i wont have to rent a lot. I want to start taking pictures, doing youtube videos, prepping for my wedding. I want to start dressing better for my figure and start eating better for my health. I want to try to cuss less that one will be a challenge for me.

Ziggy my cat is laying on my lap purring. Talan works 5:30-9:30 tonight. I go back to work the 3rd. I hope working as a guard is less challenging than last semester.

I might try on wedding dresses tomorrow. God knows i cant afford them. I feel like i am lying to myself $2,000 for a dress?! Are they crazy? Screw that. I am doing this wedding untraditional and on an extreme budget. I dont regret being a cheap skate. I just got to figure out how the hell to do this.