“You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.”
Woodrow Wilson who was an American statesman and academic who served as the 28th President of the United States from 1913 to 1921.

My mind is enjoying that strange place where it is both quiet and all astir. I appreciate how those concepts are opposite and, logically, cannot exist in one mind simultaneously. Never the less, that is the truth of my present existence. It is an Ames Day, thus I am split rather equally between polar opinions. Boo, a strong boo, for such a lonely day. Ames Days involve me in an office by myself without contact from another living person (save e-mails and/or text messages from my bosses). But on the other hand hooray, an enthusiastic hooray, because it is a day where I am not within direct reach of my bosses so they cannot interact with me as befits their mood. Which… granted, moods dictate interaction in any office but… here it is considerably… different. IN ANY other job I’ve had… a boss’s mood dictated (1) their amicability; (2) their willingness to put up with other people’s shit; and (3) occasionally, it would translate to work division (if someone had been particularly upsetting, they would get more/less work accordingly). Here? It is considerably different. If my bosses are having a tough day… they snipe at everyone, act horribly to each other, shut themselves off from everyone (thus allowing us NO opportunities to learn, grow, or improve), and spam e-mail assignments to us all. If my bosses are having a stressful day? They’ll give me twenty different projects, tell me that they are all Top Priority, and then disappear for the rest of the afternoon. If my bosses are having a good day? They’ll give me 3 new projects per hour, explain that it is an attempt to get my billable hours up, and then fake small talk for a minute. That is the entire spectrum of my interaction with “management” (for what it is) in the office.

Yesterday was humorous for a few reasons.
(1) Chinese Boss was trying to be super friendly and kept talking about all the things she’s excited to do next year to make sure I grow, improve, and start making more money.
(2) White Boss, Chinese Boss, Dylan, and Muse were all still in the office when I left. And I didn’t care. In fact, I was hoping that one of the bosses would raise a stink. Because the interaction would have been so predictable. “You can’t leave yet. We’re all still here working hard.” “I started work today at 6:50 am and it is now 6:00 p.m. I’m done for the day.” “We told you this isn’t a nine to five job, if you expect to have any time off next week, you need to make sure you’re putting in enough hours this week.” “I already have 9.1 hours for today. If you add in the two DHS meetings I have this week, even if I checked out for every other day… I’ve got 12 hours of billable. But since I’m not a lazy sack, I’m more than likely going to have about 26 to 28 hours of billable this week. And as to next week? I’m having Christmas Day, non-negotiable. But I have hearings throughout the week. So even if everyone in the firm takes that week off, I’ll still be here because I have Court.”
(3) AND of course all of this is particularly humorous because… if ACA calls with bad news, that sucks. But I’ve given no indications to my bosses that I was trying to get out and I’ve done nothing that would damage any of my cases or my professional reputation. But if ACA calls with good news? I can do a little bit of an evil laugh. Because I can clear out my office in no time (both DM and Ames), I can easily write up a list of suggestions for dealing with the open cases I’ve got, and I have templates from Tiny Town on how to file Withdraws for Prosecution Job Reasons (thank you, Ran). Honestly (and how is this for irony).... if I do get the Job Offer from ACA and it does happen this week? I’ll spend Saturday working on all of that. I’ll drive to Ames, clean and organize my stuff… work on withdrawal motions. I’ll be putting in additional time. Because… and I honestly think this has never even occurred to my current bosses… I am a hard worker… I am a diligent sort of man… I can put in the extra hours, take care of the extra problems, and go the extra mile. But I am an American. Which means… I don’t give 150% “because it is expected of me.” YOU expect 100%, I give 150%… that is the agreement. If you expect 150%… frankly, kiss my ass.

SARCASM BREAK

(Genuinely: just got a call from Muse… apparently, I’m not supposed to be in Ames today).
Gosh… considering that AMES DAY is how my Tuesday Calendar reads every week of every month… if I wasn’t supposed to be in Ames today, that seems like something that could have easily been (1) caught, (2) discussed, and (3) avoided. ESPECIALLY this week where my Monday was me driving back and forth to our Iowa City Branch. You’d think that, if I didn’t have to drive to our Ames Branch… on the day I always drive to our Ames Branch… that could have been mentioned… really at any point yesterday. I mean, shit. These people texted me at 9 pm on my Sunday to ask me about something they thought WASN’T on the calendar… they can’t text me… at all… about something that IS on the calendar? OMG, seriously WTF people?! And I can promise/guarantee/certify that as soon as I get back to the DM Office… Chinese Boss will wonder why my research work isn’t done. She did ask for it to be finished this morning… but… frankly… an unexpected HOUR DRIVE in the middle of the morning kind of puts a big crimp on my ability to research effectively. Damn................ and as predicted, Chinese Boss says “Yesterday, I decided that you shouldn’t go to Ames. I don’t know why you didn’t know that.” (Suppresses Explosive Response).

(Got to Office… one of those ‘We have so much to do that I never told anyone about so it now all has to be done immediately’ kind of days)
Here is an excellent and lovely example of “Good Communication”… a term I use sarcastically here. As an emergency matter… Muse comes in to my office and tells me that Chinese Boss needs me to draft two documents and made sure to say, “Don’t make a mistake like you did last time.” Upon further investigation, Muse had no idea. Basically, the boss sent an assistant to tell me “Do this. Don’t fuck up. You fucked up last time.” With no constructive or helpful statements. Super. Great way to do business. ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING, upon personal investigation, the “fuck up” from last time was (1) minimal; but (2) one that Chinese Boss said would get me fired if I kept doing it. GLAD THAT WAS COMMUNICATED SO WELL!

Mother. Fucker. This is one of those… maybe I’m an idiot, maybe I’m not, but either way this is another break down at a higher level.
I do all of my own billing; and then send my billing to everyone in the firm (per Chinese Boss’ request) so that they can figure out how much of that they are willing to pay me for. So… in that sense… it is 1 v. 4. I got my End Of Year Billing report from the Firm on Monday, they want it reviewed and signed off on ASAP (already asked me about it this morning). I told them that I haven’t had a chance to go over it, but I forwarded the information to my Home E-Mail so my Wife (who does our taxes and our banking) and I could go over it. DANGER DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON. Wrong thing to say. I got a talking to followed by an Official “In Your Folder” Written Reprimand. Because sharing that information with anyone outside of the firm is a break of Client-Attorney Privilege. I was specifically told that I am not allowed to discuss ANY of that with my Wife. So… what and how I get paid… I can’t go over… with another interested party to this transaction… this transaction being MY PAY. Honestly, if this were one of those things where they paid me and were done with it, fine. Wouldn’t mind. Cut me a check. If Wife sees the check and brings something up, I’ll bring it up with the firm. But no. You specifically asked me to review what you sent me as it relates to my pay. And the woman who handles my bank accounts is barred from assisting in this requested audit? BAH. BAH TO YOU.

I can tell that Chinese Boss senses… something. She is trying to break through her self and be nicer. She keeps mentioning how she wants to make sure I get as many hours as possible to make sure I make money. I accept it for what it is. Making Money is the Goal of Work for her. I accept that entirely. She thinks that if I can get more hours, I’ll be happier here. Logically, for her, that tracks brilliantly. The more money I get the happier I’ll be. Perfectly logical. Except… I’m not as straight forward as that. SHIT YEAH more money would be good. This compared to ACA? Let me just say… it is nicer to think that Christmas costs 14% of a paycheck rather than 33% of a paycheck! But… really… it is about so so much more. More than I can explain. Yes. With the huge pay raise and providing of benefits… it would finally allow Wife and I to buy a house. And that would be fantastic. Truly. But… there is so much more that I want out of a job than simply a paycheck. I want to be good, I want to do good, and I want to feel good. All of that is more than a paycheck. GRANTED… I’m still in conflict about all of this. HEAD: You’re Qualified. HEART: Holy Shit, what is going to happen? SPIRIT: You’re fucked, stop hoping. I go through these large waves where I am Certain I got the job one moment and Certain I didn’t get it the next. Certain it would be a good thing if I got it, Certain it would be a bad thing if I got it. Certain it would be a good thing to stay here, DEFINITELY Certain it would be a bad thing to stay here. Just ups and downs. Obviously… I want the job. I want the job… I want the pay raise… I want the providing of benefits… I want the house… I want the larger staff. I do, most assuredly, want a call from the ACA saying Congratulations! But… it will actually be hard to explain it to my bosses for the very reason that they ARE so different from me… which is why I’m not a good fit here. They are completely motivated by money. How do we build a more financially successful law firm, how do we invest our profits to make more money, how can we turn our vacation into a work outing to drum up new clients and new business? I am as far from that as you can be, while still being an attorney. How do we build a better connected community? How do we invest our time to create more quality time? How can we turn our vacation into a fully relaxing while still fun adventure? That’s me, man.