Comparative Measures in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Around this time last year, I was feeling pretty depressed.

I had really wanted a job with the Polk County Attorney Juvenile Division. I had gotten an interview. But as I left that interview, I knew I wasn’t getting the job. Still, I hoped for a miracle. Because (1) I was so desperate to leave Tiny Town; and (2) I was so desperate to come back to Polk County. It is important to read that and note that my motivations were NOT about the job. I didn’t really want the job so I could make a difference. I didn’t really want the job because I loved the idea of the job. Hell, I was excited to learn how to do what I’d already been doing… but my interests were 100% location based and not about the job at all.

This time… it is entirely different. Yes, The City where I would work and live is beautiful and the 2nd largest in Iowa. Yes, the location in general is nice. But The City where I work and live in now is beautiful and the 1st largest in Iowa. The location in general is nice. But it is the job.

My current job… is not ideal. Too much travel, not enough pay, no benefits, too many different kinds of law, too many Chinese Language clients, dealing with my bosses, dealing with the lack of support (tech and otherwise)… frankly, I’m just really not in to Private Practice. At least, not the way my current bosses do it.

On the other hand, this ACA job sounds… just about ideal. They said “We’re not an 8 to 5 office.” But instead of my current firm, who followed that up with, “There are just going to be days where we expect you to be here for twelve or thirteen hours”.... nope ACA guys said “We let people chose if 8 to 4:30 or 8:30 to 5 works best.” They said, “We may ask you to work weekends.” But instead of current firm, who followed that up with, “It will be unpaid festivals and advertising for the firm, at a moment’s notice, and we may ask you to drive 3 hours away to do it.” Nope. ACA Guys said, “We’d probably ask you to work 3 or 4 Saturdays a year from around 8 or 9 in the morning until noon.” They said, “We may ask you to move from our Criminal Office to our Juvenile Office.” But instead of current firm, who expects me to drive all around the State of Iowa to be at all of their offices… the ACA guys said WALKING DISTANCE. As to advancement? Current Firm suggested that, if I do really well and work really hard and become more like them… I might get a pay rise at some point. ACA guys said that after I prove I can handle the easy stuff, they’ll discuss where I would want to be (Crime or Juvie) and see about slowly working me up to A Felonies. As to starting tasks? The Current Firm said, “Learn immigration. NOW DO IT BETTER!” ACA Guys said I would start out in what I’ve already done.

Seriously. I cannot put into words how (from the interview and on paper) ideal this ACA Job is. I know there is a slim chance of me getting it. But I want it so much. AND considering the pay and benefits… Wife and I could really start pursuing that Adult Lifestyle Dream we’ve had. The House. The Credit Card. The Dog. This job offers what we would need to pursue that!

Now, a comparison. When I interviewed for the Juvenile Job, I was focused entirely on GET OUT OF TINY TOWN. When I interviewed for the job last night, I was focused entirely on GET THIS JOB. I really hope that makes a difference. But, while I wasn’t “I desperately need this job” before? I’ve become that way since. It is good that it hit after the interview but… it certainly makes me worried about the emotional fall out. Since I am now building to “Talk talk IWANTTHEJOB talk talk talk IWANTTHEJOB etcetera etcetera.” If I don’t get this job… I’m likely to get… really depressed. Like… I know that before hand. If I get a call that says they went with someone else? That… is going to be very hard to deal with. And they said they would try to start calling people back starting December 21. So… that would make for a difficult Christmas indeed if I did not get the job. Like… it would make me reconsider the concepts of Hope and Torture. Because… hope like this to be met with such disappointment would truly be a form of torture.