Yeah in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Harumph, Gr, and Poopy.

(1) My big, expensive, making the firm money case… took a plea offer. NOW… in pursuit of justice, this is a good thing. The guy definitely hit his wife and choked her. That did happen. So justice requires that he face the consequences of his actions. Of course… as a Defense Attorney… I’m not supposed to think that. I’m supposed to think that “This guy is paying me a lot of money, he shouldn’t face consequences for shit.” But that is what it is. ANYWAY… the State offered 1 year probation and he gets to go home today. He took it, not surprisingly. So I have to explain to my bosses that we don’t get to keep all that money.

(2) I hated it in Tiny Town, I hate it even more here. The quiet “what do I do now” moments. In Tiny Town… it was a pain in the ass. I was at my office… just not doing anything. But being paid for it. With zero oversight. Here? I don’t get paid for it and I have two people looking at everything I do. I don’t know how to put it if asked in an interview, but this is my biggest weakness. I don’t like having nothing to do.

(3) I don’t feel good at all. I can’t explain it perfectly but… (1) my nose has been plugged up. Granted, that is nothing new. But it has been plugged up for months. (2) my body stiffness is just… in a weird place. Shoulders, legs, back… I expect to hurt. But this is more of a stiffness… a rigidity. And I’m feeling pain in my arm pits. (3) This sounds strange and is far more “poetic” than “diagnostic” but… I feel like I’ve been gutted. Not like physically eviscerated but… I feel like someone reached into my body and removed my soul. Or… like I died and part of me left this plane while my Ghost decided I had too much left to do and stuck around to animate my body. It isn’t a great feeling.

(4) Well… what do you know? ANOTHER PHONE CALL FOR AN INTERVIEW. Another Assistant County Attorney interview. I know that it is likely all of my interviews will meet with failure. I get it. I need to keep pushing forward at this job, working hard, and doing whatever I can to make money. But so much of me just wants to quit already. Just… give them my notice and say bye. Because leaving this often? Hell, if I was an employer I’d be pissed. I’m gone all morning Thursday. I’m gone for an appointment Thursday afternoon. I’m gone for an appointment next Tuesday afternoon. I’m gone the whole afternoon next Wednesday. It feels like it would be more honorable and kinder to simply tell them I quit. But… nature of the beast. The fact is… there are anywhere between 4 and 10 people trying to grab 1 single spot. Even if all 3 interviews have the exact same people (which is not the case) that means that anywhere between 1 and 7 people will be rejected. So… can’t bail on a paying gig because of potential.