Stressed in My Fucking Feelings

School’s really piling on the work as the semester is coming to an end. I’m fighting so hard to finish it all, but I’m distracted. I get almost no time with my son now. Haven’t had a chance to explore my new laptop. And I keep thinking about what happened between me and J in high school. Keep wishing I could talk to him about it. Not sure he’d understand, but I’d at least like a chance to tell my side of the story. I just want him to understand that he hurt me too. A lot. But I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. So how do I cope? My therapist decided to not show up to our last appointment. Didn’t say anything to anyone, just disappeared for a few days. They said maybe she’s sick. When I’m sick I still have to call off! Watch, I’m gonna find out she’s dead and then I’ll feel bad for being upset. I don’t know. Maybe I should look up the latest techniques for PTSD. I’m not sure that is what this is, but it does have similarities. Maybe I could use some of the same strategies to deal with it. Last I looked there really weren’t any. It’s been a long time though, so maybe I should look again. Not sure why I’m writing this here instead of in my notebook. Guess maybe I’m hoping for some moral support or suggestions from the peanut gallery. Ugh!