impatience. and shakespeare. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

so this is me mostly circle-talking. and so therefore i’d understand if people skipped this entry.

so. something else i don’t like. and this doesn’t neccessarily pertain to her. it could be anyone. is that valerie walks so damn slow. slowness bothers me. evan on the other hand a few times has walked faster than i have.do. and so like..........almost 2 yrs. ago I mentioned this to valerie. er not about evan. i mean in regards to her. and she said something about it but i didn’t remember what. and so recently I brought that up. that I’d forgotten what exactly she wants me to say about that. cause sometimes i don’t remember exactly what a person has said.
Well when we were talking about she went something like ‘it’s rude to push past a crowd. that’s not the kindof person i am’. well there aren’t usually crowds at the grocery store so a that’s not an issue there. but at the mall there are. or like when the entire fukin group won’t go single file. fine take up the entire space why don’t you. that’s. that’s great. like so no one can get through. so people have to go around.
So as I’ve probably mentioned i’m from cherry creek. it’s this upscale neighborhood in denver where, most of the people think they’re better then everyone. i don’t. i’m um entitled but i don’t think i’m better then everyone. but. I’m a lot nicer when I’m in aurora then i am in cherry creek. and i think that’s bc of the effect being from where i am has on me. can’t blame me for being a product of my environment. [well no. but just bc someone comes from a cold environment doesn’t mean their current residence has to be cold. and i mean physically cold.]. People aren’t always where they come from er we come from i mean. There was an episode of the show two and a half men where they mentioned something like that. someone goes to like brazil and they might start incorproat er adding portugese [cause they speak portugese there. er some of them] into their vocabulary.
People are nice in aurora. Most of them keep to themselves. they don’t come off as conceited.
i also. won’t wait for people to move. [ok so sometimes i’ll go around them. i’m not that bad.]. I don’t have patience and it’s not a priority for me. sometimes i don’t really care all that much about being polite. i’m not like an impolite person. it’s just in that instance. most of the random people at like the store. or in the mall i’m not looking to impress. so i’m not going to act like i am.
But see. valerie does have patience. and maybe that’s the problem. also i actually don’t like people. One thing I like about aurora is even in the residential area. There are like. 5 people walking around including myself if that. it’s so vast and big and expansive. where i’m from, however, isn’t. but it’s also a um retail area. i mean i like reading about people. or watching tv. or watching movies. but like i don’t like actually being around them. there’s more to this then just the general run of the mill dislike of people.
My first vivid experience w/ people. was elementary school. and it wasn’t good. i also have this distrust of people and think everyone has an agenda. i don’t think people in general are that good. yeah we were talking about it. and I brought up the fact that um. i don’t like when she goes and rings the doorbell for me when I’m clearly capable of doing it myself. but see. to me. when someone does something for me i don’t think they’re doing it to help me. it’s not each specific person that does that. it’s people i know as a whole. and valerie’s like ‘i hope you didn’t think i was........’ doing it for a reason. er to not help me, or something. but I do. but again that’s, collectively. i didn’t tell her that though. maybe when i’m ready i will. er might. and when i’m ready i’ll talk to my psych. about this. cause it is a psychological issue.
but it’s not valerie’s or anyone’s fault that i’m like this. or that i don’t have patience. She, far as i know, doesn’t have any mental disorders. For example doesn’t have depression. depression’s incredibly hard. but i’m one of those. where. people who don’t have it won’t fully relate to someone who does. and that’s another thing that’s hard. or it’s like. when people are all excited for xmas. and for me it’s don’t remind me. yeah 2 days before xmas eve 5 yrs. ago something awful happened to me. and i didn’t like xmas before that but now i really don’t. again the feathers and the eggs.
The only thing anyone can really actually do. in times like this when it comes to situations like this. is keep being who they are. that was along the lines of something shakespeare said. as hard as that is at times. and yeah it is hard. for me anyway. Yeah but to me........that’s more of. um Y apply that more to when people aren’t treating others right. and i’ve been that way myself so i have no room to talk. no i really. .......don’t actually.
Yf there was some way. to combine who i am and who evan and my sister are. evan’s crazy as fuk and my sister hasn’t always treated people right but at least they’re both real. and certain parts of my personality. and somehow put them. er as part of valerie. [ok so that sounds bad.]. then i’d be ok w/ that.
yeah but. sometimes it takes a few things to make one thing. um. i like reese’s. maybe some people don’t. and reese’s is choc. and pb. which......i think is kindof my point.