I'm really bad at so many things. in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

I’m bad at reading other peoples diaries on here…I just come here to vent and dump.

Right now I’m stuck on how bad of a grandson I am.

My grandpa is dying, as we speak…he’s in the hospital, there’s so much going wrong with him and my grandma is going to have to decide if it’s worth it to keep him alive at this point. It makes me sick.

My grandpa had a heavy hand in raising me when I was younger. My dad wasn’t around much…at all…ever. My grandpa tried to fill in as best he could, but I was such an angry little kid…I hardly let anyone in, I hardly let anyone close…but he didn’t care, my grandpa didn’t give a fuck about how fucked up I was, all he wanted to do was love me and give me the best possible life that I could live.

My grandpa is a very religious man, a Mormon, and a damn fine Mormon. Quite possibly the best Mormon that has ever been.

He believes, he really does…and you can see his eyes light up when he talks about God and all of the things in this world that he considers to be beautiful because of said God.

I’ve never believed in anything as much as he believes in everything.
He believed in me…for some reason.
Everyone else could see I was a lost cause, but he wasn’t having it.

My grandpa was the only positive male influence I had in my life.

Being such a fuck up…being the way that I am…I feel like I am always letting him down…and he’s never once made me feel that way.

He promised me that if he died before me he would come to me to tell me about the other side so that I might have something to believe in.

My grandpa has never broken a promise in his life…he’ll come back for me.
I know he will.

I’m sorry…I had more to write about…I had parties I got invited to tonight by girls and I’m blowing both of them off to drink in my bed and feel sad.

This is probably better than partying with girls.

I don’t know.

I feel really alone right now.

…I’m sorry.

I love you.

-Dane