NoJoMo #4 in Surveys

1. Have you ever made a decision that you never thought you would make? How did it turn out?

Ironically, I made the decision to have a girlfriend when I was in grade 10. You know, cos it was ‘the thing everyone did.’ I also remember how visibly happy my dad was when I told him I had a girlfriend (this was at least 4 years before I came out).

How did it turn out? It was bad, on my end lol. At least I knew for sure, and I didn’t even ‘go there’ with her. No way hose-ay since both of us were from strict Lutheran families. Sex was like the forbidden and taboo fruit that no-one tasted, let alone took a bite of.
I knew she really liked me, and in a way it was kinda cool being liked. No-one else paid me any attention. So what’d I do? I went out with her ^rolls eyes^

It was 1999 at the time and I was 14. I think I first met her at one of my dad’s Synod meetings, which was in Cairns at the time. We were in this ruckety old bus on the way up north to Cooktown, and she was seated with her girlfriend in the seat behind where I was seated, and she kept kicking the seat. I turned around and politely told her to stop kicking the seat, which thankfully she/they did.
It turns out we were in the same accommodation in a hotel in Cooktown (let’s face it, the odds were high, it was probably the only one there) and it was that hot (in the middle of June, which is Winter here) that we were both in the pool, and she kept hardcore flirting with me, doing the whole high-school twirling of the hair and saying, “So, umm… Someone really, really likes you.”
Cue stupid me asking her, “Who? Who is it??” LOL.
The lightbulb didn’t even switch on that it was her.

I don’t even know how we started going out or dating or whatever, but I lived out on the farm and she lived in Logan, so it was pretty long distance and neither of us drove, so it was only at church events via our parents that we’d meet. We’d write letters to communicate.
I remember one night we’d (or rather, she) made a getaway to somewhere private to make out. It was exciting for me in the way that it was my first kiss.
But it was horrible. It was literally like being slobbered on by a doberman and I couldn’t wait for it to end. Her tongue was soft and light and wet and ergh and I was thinking, “This is kissing!? This is hell!” LOL.
(Thank GOD I’ve since had drunken nights out at gay clubs and made out with numerous chicks who were great kissers.)
Then one time I was staying at her place on a trip to Logan from the farm and of course her parents couldn’t have me staying in her room, so I had to bunk in her brother’s room.
And of course, the entire time I was checking him out.
I remember her sneaking into his room in the middle of the night to make out with me, again.
Her brother slept through the whole thing.

I can’t even remember when we broke up (we probably dated long-distance for like 10 months or so), but I do remember that she cut off all communication with me when she heard I was gay a few years later, through whatever source, I dunno, probably my Myspace page at the time (It had a section where you put who you were interested in and I’d listed ‘men’. It was also how my sister found out I was gay. She sent me a private message saying, “Learned a lot about you today, Matt” LOL! Luckily she’s about the only family member I have who has a brain and is cool with it. She even tried to get my dad to delete all the homophobic shit he was posting before I had a chance to see it.

But anyway, I think the point I was trying to make is that I didn’t decide to be gay, but I did decide to try and be like everyone else in country Queensland was and see what having a girlfriend was like. I mean, I’m confused with life at 33, imagine what I was like at 15 HA!

I haven’t heard from Fiona in about 15 years now. Ironically I did get a Facebook message from her brother (the one I shared the room with) one day out of the blue though, telling me that he is gay and was heading to London to make his fortune. Life’s funny like that. And I guess that’s the story I can think of for this question.

Last updated November 04, 2017