Monday Without Them in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Yeah… even without them here… I still hate this job. So, against other attorneys’ recommendations, this firm uses Personal Phones as Work Phones (because, again, work/life balance isn’t needed). Which means when clients call me, it goes to MY PERSONAL PHONE. Just within the last 9 hours? Phone call at 3:43 A.M. because someone’s friend got raped and he wanted to know the legal rights. Call the police, you foreign asshole. Sorry, that sounded mean but… at such an ungodly time… why are you calling your attorney about something that is so obviously a police matter? Then 5 phone calls from 6 am to 8 am from the same client. And here’s the doozy on that one. He is an appointed case; meaning the State pays. He is a Simple Misdemeanor so that means the State will only pay for the first 5 hours of work. Calling me off the hook is just wasting your time and my money. Then… the bosses themselves. JUST SINCE ARRIVING IN CHINA (Friday Night) I have received 59 Text Messages, 4 E-Mails, and Chinese Boss called me at 9:00 Iowa Time (10 PM China Time) to give me “further instruction for the day”. DAY not week; suggesting this might be a daily phone call… from China. HA! One of the text messages is actually a voice text message… in Chinese. I went to Muse and Chinese Assistant and simply said, “The disembodied voice of our master” because… that is what this shit is. If I were more clever and more well connected; I could make this whole thing into a Big Trouble in Little China-like script!

So… I hate my job. I really, truly, passionately hate my job. My fingers are crossed that I will hear about the City Attorney Job but after speaking with my father last night… I am even more certain that I won’t be hearing about it. Because he was telling me that the best thing to do to actually get hired is to talk to people who know the people looking for attorneys. Well, I spoke with some of the County Attorneys about this City Attorney position. And they had no idea it was even an open position. They couldn’t think who was leaving or if they were just opening a new position. So… that is another nail in that particular coffin. But I’ve got two weeks before the bosses get back. Maybe something will come of all this by then.

Oh, tally for JOBS versus LOTTERY.
I bought one lotto ticket; won ZERO money. (o-1)
Of the jobs I’ve applied for; I have received THREE rejections. (0-3)

Funny… I still want to discuss San Francisco here. Talk about the utter peacefulness of a boat on the Ocean. Talk about how thrilled I am that my cousin married such a great woman. Talk about all of it. Maybe I’ll get to that later tonight… But I doubt it. But I’ll tell you this.... calm, true calm, for me… can only be found at night in a boat drifting to sleep. There’s nothing else quite like it. A peaceful, beautiful welcome to sleep.

HOW is THIS for depressing and hopefully not accidentally revealing. I enjoy the play RENT. But there is a small segment that keeps playing in my head. The song that plays right before ONE SONG. Now, granted, in High School… I sang ONE SONG like it was a replacement for oxygen… but the part that has been stuck in my head off and on for the last several days?
Tune Up Number 3 “Close on Roger. His girlfriend April left a note saying we’ve got AIDS. Before slitting her wrists in the bathroom.”

(SO… not that it is a surprise… it is a giant pain in the ass… but between covering my cases, White Boss’ cases, following up on Chinese Boss’ cases, helping the Assistants, making calls to potential clients, and everything else… I’ve been working hard since I got in at 8:30. But my billable hours do NOT reflect that. My billable hours make it look like I’ve done 6 minutes of work for every hour I’ve been here. And… I expect any boss would be upset to see that. But at the same time… there are things like “TASK: Draft service agreement, FERPA letter, and G28 Immigration Form”… that will take between 6 minutes and 18 minutes. And is non-billable work (as it is work intended to help a client secure us as their law firm). Or… helping the assistants navigate the cluttered Cloud Server to find the One Document Chinese Boss asked for. Unpaid work. But still work. And that is going to be (it appears) the large F.U. of the week. Work work work, check billables, realize that less than an hour is charged to a specific client. Balls. An entire day’s work and… less than TWO billable hours? Yeeeah. Can’t help but think I’m going to get a fucking earful about that.

I will end this with a rare and undeserved statement of Hope.
I know where I’m lucky. I know that not being afraid of where my next meal comes makes me blessed. I know that my Family Life is unique and beautiful to the point beyond belief. I know that I have friends in this world and people who love me. That is amazing to know. AND I know that, after 3 decades, I know who I am and I’m becoming more comfortable with that. When my inner voice starts repeating “You’re a monster”… I’m even learning to fight back. And aye, there’s the rub. For knowing who I am and learning to embrace that… makes me more confident in who I am and less willing to bend and break for others’ expectations of what I should be. And so… I sail forward. Knowing I have 2 Business Weeks to either strike it rich in the lottery or secure a position that will let me be me. Here’s hoping.