untitled for now in Random Thoughts

finding the time to write has been hard, as well as feeling like i actually want to write. So, here i am, five minutes before the end of my prep period, writing.

Tomorrow i am going to the second of ten classes on the 8-Fold path (Buddhism). There is a book and we read a chapter per week. I’d really like to talk about that, then make connections to my life.

Detachment. I have two goals- detach from people who would like to be involved with me romantically and/or sexually. I have, on more than one occasion, put into kind words something about how i don’t have the time to dedicate to this or that person… that i can’t do justice the effort they have put into trying to get together with me. The response is “i understand how busy you are, just whenever you have the time, text me occasionally”.

I resolve to tell them that i am not interested in pursuing anything romantically or sexually.

Ok, my five minutes are up.

edit
Simmering: reducing the frequency of dates and communication.

This is what i have been doing. But, i really just want to stop. But, how? It shouldn’t be so hard, really. For example, i have gone one a few fun dates with Ramon, a quirky artist (on spectrum, it seems to me) who is really into me (why, i asked last night? he likes my teacher voice, i calm him, and i am easy on the eyes). A while back i gave him the speech i mentioned earlier (not having time to dedicate…) and his response was ” oh just text me occasionally and when you do have the time…” This makes me think he doesn’t mind being simmered!

But its not that he doesn’t mind, whats important is that i mind. It’s just too much of a burden to try and fit someone in.

Last night i had an extra ticket to see Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions (used to be the 90’s band Mazzy Star) so i offered him the ticket. I had a nice time, but didn’t feel compelled to flirt, to get to know him better, the energy connection was not there.

My goal is to just flat out tell him i am not interested romantically or sexually. I need some accountability on this. This is an area i used to be completely unable to address, communication-wise. I have the skills now, but i think i need to prepare what i need to say to make sure i follow this:
Is what I am about to say true, kind, and beneficial?
Is this really the right time to say it?
I may have to do it via text, because i really only see him like once a month.

Ok, another break from reading. Maybe the next entry will just me a whole second entry. I’d like to talk about some of the buddhism ideas ive been reading and thinking about.

Last updated October 11, 2017