The Edge of Nightmare in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

I wanted to write an entry yesterday that was smiles, hugs, and rainbows… because it has been so long since I was able to write something like that.

Yesterday, I treated myself to a $95 haircut, shampoo, styling, traditional shave. It was a good experience. The woman who was my stylist may possibly be the most interesting woman in Iowa. Her grandparents on her mother’s side were Korean and Chinese. When they discovered they were having twin girls, they moved the family to Japan. THUS her ethnic background (on her mother’s side) is Korean and Chinese, but that whole side of the family speaks Japanese! And she looks more Polynesian than Korean or Chinese. Further, she is a finalist in The Radio Contest around here. It is called the 40,000 Dollar LAZER Rock Girl Search. It was a good experience.

Then Wife and I went to play Dragon Lance with some friends. That was pretty good for the most part, but I let my emotions get the better of me (knowing I had to work Sunday was not good for my emotional state) and drank too much, had to leave early. Not good.

So… yeah. No ‘perfect rainbow’ day but at least it was a mostly good day. Mostly good days are far preferred to what I’ve been dealing with typically.

So today… slept in as much as I could before driving an hour to the Ames Office. I have a meeting, about a dozen phone calls, and drafting projects to do. Extra work for me because my bosses are going to China for four weeks. But remember… the exactly 8 days I have taken off in the last 7 months is border-line inexcusable. I am now widening my job search. Sent an application for Assistant Professor of Law (long shot) and some applications to banks and insurance companies.

Yes, I do love the law. And yes, I actually enjoy the people I interact with (in the various Prosecutor Offices) but… that is the point. I love working with Prosecutor People… hate working with my current bosses and clients. So, as I knew from the start, this Private Practice gig… yeah.

I’m exhausted and in pain and refuse to submit myself for “Fibromyalgia Disability” Claims because… well, that is a pain in the ass that I don’t want to submit to. I’d rather work for Target than apply for the government to pay me money just because I’m in pain. I just… I just want a job that values my time. That agrees to pay me and provide insurance. So, y’know… 95% of the jobs out there.

It is funny. My Dad, upon seeing how many hours I am required to work and the pay/lack of insurance… asked “Do these people think that you’re independently wealthy? What is the deal with this?” And the funny thing… the really funny thing is… it is the opposite. These people think that I am in a similar situation as they are. College Loans and Law School Loans. So they think that I need this job so much because I need to keep on top of my loans. So they can treat me however they want because I need the work so much. I don’t. Don’t get me wrong. I am the kind of person that needs to work. I need to make money for my family and I need to be a productive member of society. These are true things. But I don’t need to stay at a job that pays me like shit, uses and abuses me, and expects me to say Thank YOU about it.

One thing I keep thinking? This space.
For the first few years: “Wah! Why won’t my wife have sex with me?!”
Year after that: “Wah! Why can’t I find work?!”
Year after that: “Wah! Why is this community so awful?!”
This year: “Wah! Why are my bosses trying to destroy my soul?!”

I just hope… really… powerfully… desperately hope… that next year, I can write something less… pathetic.