Tuesday in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Interesting stuff happened yesterday. Allegedly, interesting stuff could happen today.

So… yesterday.
My client doesn’t show up for his court appearance (as expected) but my Mom calls me. The “Retirement Honeymoon Celebration Cruise” hit a snag. My dad’s retina detached while they were underway. They got him to New Jersey as fast as they could, but it was longer than 4 hours so they are thinking the vision he lost in that eye is permanently gone. He spent a lot of Monday in a hospital in New Jersey and all of yesterday flying back here. He has a surgery scheduled for today that I hope heals his eye to the best of what they can do.

Thinking about that got me thinking some things that are… well, the kinds of things that sour my gut. Wife can be with Mom and Dad today as it is a day off for her. And this isn’t life threatening… at least no more so than most other procedures. But… if this had been worse? What if it was a gash to his head? What if he was in such poor condition that he couldn’t travel back from New Jersey? I would want to be there. I would want to go there because Family Comes First. And I knew exactly how that would play out with my bosses. White Boss would say, “I mean, if your Dad’s in that condition, I guess I can see why you have to go. But we’re not happy about this. Make sure you have your phone and laptop charged and on the whole time.” Chinese Boss would say, “Why you go again so soon? You just got back from trip, you can’t go already again.”

And something became obvious to me about my job and why I hate it. Well… lots of reasons… their WORK FIRST (nothing else second) policy is pretty shitty, you know that already. But specifically… Chinese Boss, who I enjoy socially when the rare occasion pops up, is a nightmare professionally. She doesn’t know the law, makes mistakes, and ROUTINELY forgets to sign checks that she issues. But is also one of the most demanding people I’ve ever met. Here’s what that means… she is a Chinese stereotype who absolutely needs everything to be A plus plus, S class, platinum trophy level all the time. Anything that doesn’t meet with that standard is a problem. If she doesn’t meet with that standard… she can’t handle it. It must be someone else’s fault because she so badly needs to be A plus plus. It is why they have gone through so many assistants and paralegals. It is why (I am convinced) they needed to hire another attorney… for their marriage. White Boss and Chinese Boss arguing and sniping and fighting and blaming each other for everything was very bad for their marriage… so bring in another attorney who can absorb some of that. Makes sense.

For example… today is an Ames Day for me. A client wanted to meet me at 8:45 a.m. to hand off some paperwork. Which means I have to be in my car, on the road at 7:30. No problem (for the most part). Chinese Boss wants to be in Ames today, too. She will arrive around 10. She doesn’t need to be here earlier… I don’t care if she is here earlier… but it goes back to the whole “They want me in an office for 10 hours a day; but they can come and go as they please.”

Meanwhile, speaking of things that don’t meet with expectations, the computer system that all attorneys, court clerks, and judges are required to use in the State of Iowa (EDMS)? Down. Was down all day yesterday. Boot up the computer… still down. So that makes a LOT of work a LOT more difficult. Of course, this isn’t something Chinese Boss knows about or even gets… because she never uses the system. Which shows you exactly what is going on with her. The system that is, by law, required to be used by Attorneys representing clients in Iowa… she doesn’t use. Because the only clients that she doesn’t hand off to White Boss or I are Immigration Cases… and usually she still needs White Boss and I to help on those.

So the cycle continues as it did only a scant few months ago. Scour websites and other sources for jobs that offer Salary & Insurance. Ask myself how much of a poison pill am I willing to swallow. And apply apply apply. With, so far, no results. Though, personally… my perspective is (potentially) because I fundamentally lack patience. It’s been Two Weeks. In many places, two weeks is nothing. Hell, if I was an optimistic person, I’d say “The job I really want I applied for 2 weeks ago, they will accept applications for another 2 weeks. Then, as governments do, that is when they will start going through applications and deciding who to bring in for an interview. Remember how long it took Tiny Town to call people to interview for County Attorney?” And that is almost a convincing argument. I want to believe that argument. Of course I don’t. I assume that they saw “1 year government lawyer, 6 months private practice… this kid can’t stay in one place for long and that looks like a bad investment.” But… y’know… there’s hope?

Ooooooooooooooo… prime example of what I was talking about above with Chinese Boss! Remember how, during my assessment, I was berated for being late… even though it was just to a meeting with Chinese Boss that she was being unreasonable about. And how they were VERY specific to tell me that it is unacceptable to be late and is extremely disappointing when I am not on time? Chinese Boss had a meeting here in Ames at 10:00. It is now 10:16 and she is still not here. My guess is that this will be my fault since I didn’t engage the client and/or take the meeting instead. But we’ll wait to see what, if anything, she says when she gets here.

It is 11:30. She had one client (the one she was late for) and had to instantly roll into her next meeting… because she had also made the brilliant scheduling move of a l l day open… but meeting 1 at 10, meeting 2 at 10:30. EYE ROLL. Certainly expect her to be in a foul mood for the afternoon. Which will not be helpful because EDMS is STILL DOWN. I can’t file anything in a case, I can’t check on any cases, I can’t even call my clients to give them case updates. I have a case on Friday… I think I filed for an Interpreter. I hope I filed for an interpreter. BUT I CAN’T CHECK because EDMS is down. And, because I know she’ll ask, if Chinese Boss asks me to file a continuance in the case to make SURE we have an interpreter… I can’t do that either because the system is down.

I then spent the afternoon canvasing Chinese Businesses. Yes, canvasing. Because nothing says “I’m a lawyer” like going from Restaurant to Restaurant smiling like a jackass while someone else speaks Chinese about why you’re there. And yes, I did this because it was a requirement by Chinese Boss. We handed out flyers about “Legal Aid Day”… translation: We handed out fliers telling the Chinese exactly what day I would be in Ames where they could get free advice. I mean… part of me also sees it as inauthentic, hollow, disingenuous. I’m looking to get out. I’m crossing my fingers ‘til they break that I get a call about the Assistant City Attorney position. And I’m out here, glad-handing Chinese people. ::shrug:: Can’t be helped, I suppose. I was upfront with my bosses, Chinese Boss still gives me this order… it happens.

OH, FUNNY STORY. Second place we go to, I hear an angry voice from behind me ask “SO this is (MY NAME)?!” It was a Chinese woman that Chinese Boss had told me to send a demand letter to. The Chinese Woman that called me screaming, demanding my disbarment. Great. Thanks ever so. Baka.

3 P.M. and EDMS is still down. Another reason working for the government was always better. Government Attorney: If your system goes down, you get paid for the day and could (1) go home; (2) help out in the office where needed; (3) or just spend the day cleaning your own office space for efficiency. You were a contracted, salaried employee… so you got paid for the day. Private Attorney: If your system goes down, you don’t get paid for the day and you must (1) stay at the office; (2) try to find any work that you can do that doesn’t involve on-going cases; (3) and watch as your time drains away knowing that you won’t see a red cent. And that is what gets me about Private Practice… especially as it is done by these people. My thoughts, as antiquated as they may be, dictate that if you demand my time… that time is to be compensated. If I am in a job where I am required to Yodel for 9 hours a day; I expect that time to be compensated. If I am in a job where I am required to ride a desk for 10 hours a day; I expect that time to be compensated. It isn’t. What happens is they take my billed hours at the end of the month… subtract it from $2500. So if I billed 84 hours by the end of the month, I broke even. If I billed more than that… a portion of that over-work accumulates into a Quarterly Bonus. If I billed less than that… that month goes into my books as a strike against me, putting me closer to being fired. Now, as we look at those numbers… remember that even experienced and talented attorneys discuss how it can be difficult to bill 4 hours a day. These are the kinds of things that get me. Especially now that I have a “Legal Aid Tuesday” of free advice and especially as I am so often asked to do Weekend Activities where I am uncompensated. ::eyeroll:: It just circles back around. Chinese Boss wants me to meet and acquaint myself with the whole of China in Iowa. I’m longingly looking at the metaphorical exit door. Feels weird.

You know what is REALLY shameful?

(BTW… if you’re still reading to this point: good on you. Appreciate you putting up with my rambling)

You know what is REALLY shameful?
In my Drafts Folder is a half started entry detailing the wonderful time I had in San Francisco. I have this desire to write about the trip and show pictures and ooh and aah and lament on some down moments and lift up some good moments. But I haven’t done that entry yet. Because all… this… has been kind of a tsunami. I mean, shit. Chinese Boss left immediately after her last meeting today… but even on the road called me to make sure I had done something that I was asked to do yesterday. And guess what… I did it yesterday. And have proof that I sent a detailed e-mail about the request at 3:30 yesterday. That she received. And I told her this on the phone today. She said, “Well, I will have to check because I don’t recall having received that e-mail.” Feel free. Be my guest. Take all the time you need to verify what I have proof of already. Because… as mentioned previously… YOU can’t make a mistake. If I sent you an e-mail taking care of an issue that you believe is still unresolved… it isn’t because YOU made a mistake… riiiiiiight. And stuff like that is why I haven’t gone back to write about San Francisco. Because I have to protect myself from my bosses in ways that just shouldn’t be necessary in a functioning work place.

Oh… and for my above “all… this…” comment, I totally imagined

(Tee Hee) Just got a call from Chinese Boss. “No, I never got that e-mail. You need to send it to me.” Okay, lady. I’m looking at the e-mail I sent you. The one that says “Delivered to (Chinese Boss) and (White Boss)… and White Boss even replied to it. But whatever you need to believe, right? Because it couldn’t possibly be because you missed it, or you forgot about it. It had to be something that didn’t come back on you. And that drives me ‘round the bend to the core. Because… Criminal Defense work is all about people who don’t want to take responsibility for their mistakes… I don’t need more people like that in my life.