Where am I even going? in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

Thursday, I wake up and vomit bile.
Get back in bed, shivering in a cold sweat.
Get up.
More bile, but this time it comes out my nose too.
more cold sweats.
Fever.

I end up giving up my shift on Friday because I knew I was going to feel like shit on Friday too.
Hair of the dog; a 40 of Mickey’s.
friend asks me to go out, I pound a tall boy…I’ve already taken my meds.
Get to the restaurant and get so tired I start having a panic attack, but I’m maintaining really well and I’m too tired to really freak out so I order a red bull and a tall Irish Red.
Pound both.

Wake up Friday feeling like shit, but not throwing up.
I didn’t drink anything.
I went to work yesterday and I didn’t drink anything.
I went to work today and I didn’t drink anything.

The shitty part is that Wednesday was a fucking awesome time, I went to this haunted house with a couple of my co-workers, and I was terrified to go to the haunted house in the first place, let alone my social anxiety of hanging out with people for the first time, so I was just drinking a lot, and the haunted house was a fucking blast. I had a great time, and it was actually scary but in a fun way for sure.

So if that was my last real night going out and drinking in a long time, then I’m cool with that. I want to not drink until I go to SLC and visit some of my family up there, because there’s really not a whole lot to do around there except drink.

“love me, love me, love me, love me, I need more…”

So far not drinking has been pretty mellow…I’ve still been smoking the bad grass so I’m getting by without missing alcohol at all, I’ve hung out with some friends, hung out with my dad…saw that boring new Blade Runner movie…oh my god, that was boring. I mean, the concepts were cool and the landscapes were…kind of monotonous, I don’t know. I didn’t see what all the hype was about.

It’s been such a long time since I’ve gone to the theater and thought to myself, “Damn, that was a great movie and definitely worth the $30 I just spent on tickets and popcorn.”

I was a huge fan of Jurassic World, but that’s because I saw it with someone I love and we ate edibles and saw it in I-MAX3D!!!!!!!!! THAT’S WHATSUP!

…but then I saw the movie again just at home and I was severely underwhelmed.

Let’s see…what else has happened?
OH YEAH!

Dane and the Death Machine is going to be playing again!
November 17th.

I’m actually super nervous about it, but John and I have been sounding super great lately when we’re not super drunk, and I probably won’t even be drinking for the show, which won’t be the first time I’ve played a show sober…

Jesus, sorry for talking about drinking so much in this entry, it’s just been on my mind a lot lately, all of it…the good, the bad, all of it.

Anyway, I just got sick of hearing my own shit, or self conscious or something.
I’m going to go.
I love you.